YWYWTBYN: Elton Sure Knows How to Throw a Party

As mere American mortals gather with their hot dogs and hamburgers to celebrate the Fourth of July, the wealthy British royal and socialite set scurried over to Sir Elton John’s annual White Tie bash this week. A very close friend of the royal family, Sir Elton had quite a shindig, attracting princes, socialites and even models (controversial Kate Moss was in attendance). Knighted in 1998, the famous pop star has said about the Queen, “We get on fine…two Queens together.” In the past and even the present, he has always jumped at a chance to perform for her, and the two have been known to enjoy a dance or two, such as at the wedding of Prince Charles and Princess Diana in 1991. It’s great to see the Queen loosening up, kicking off her shoes and enjoying a good tango with a flamboyant rock star every once in a while, don’t you think?

Princess Beatrice also appeared, and caused quite a stir, I might add. Beatrice came wearing an extremely low-cut dress, which showed ample cleavage. One could even say there is a double entendre for any of the men reading today in the usage of the word “stir.” (Sorry, bad joke.) The princess will be celebrating her 18th birthday in August. Another bad joke, the title of the article was “Beatrice Pops Out to Party with Sir Elton.” Italics aside, I hope I’m not the only one that giggled.

Chinese acrobats and Buddhist monks came to the party, chanting and performing a show for all who were invited. A five-course Chinese meal was served. Money raised from the jamboree’s auction will be donated to the Elton John Aids Foundation. A Damien Hurst painting was bid on and won by one of the guests, and everyone left with a bag full of goodbye goodies. It’s a shame that I wasn’t invited; I do so love a fantastic gift bag.

A rumor circulating about the party is that guests were told not to speak to Sir Elton unless given permission beforehand! Known for his public clashes with Madonna and George Michael, “Elton is obviously a star, but this is bordering on paranoia,” a source told the Daily Mirror of London. “He is acting like old-fashioned royalty, or some tin pot dictator.” I suppose the knight figured that the invitation to the party alone was enough to talk to the host? Absolute tomfoolery.

NOTE: I apologize for past mistakes in my articles. I know I can always count on a few readers to find my mistakes and correct me. So, for this, I applaud you all. Keep up the good work.

Until next week, I wish every American a fun-and-fireworks-filled holiday weekend. To those non-Americans reading, you can always pretend.