You Wish You Were Them, But You’re Not

May 22nd, 2006 // 6 Comments

For my first addition of YWYWTBYN, a column solely focusing on international socialites and royalty, I would like to start by saying that I do not ever plan to talk about Paris Hilton. She is an entity unto herself, therefore cannot be counted as a so-called member of an American Royal Family and has far surpassed her role as an heiress and socialite. Therefore, I give you props, Paris. Or maybe, I pity you.

I’m not sure if you knew this but those with the elite title of “royalty” are really just like us. Definitely not, you say, but it’s true. Despite striving for world peace in conjunction with saving our planet’s rain forests or natural springs or whatnot and so forth, they are normal people. For instance, England’s Prince Harry was seen at a lap-dancing club. According to HELLO! Magazine, Princess Madeleine of Sweden was recently reprimanded for contemplating a move-in with her boyfriend. Next thing you know, you’ll be seeing Queen Rania of Jordon cavorting around your nearest 7-11 buying a six-pack of Bud and some beef jerky. How disgusting, not even Bud Light.

Every once in a while,a socialite finally decides to admit that they are a whole lot better than us regulars. Without the stress of running a nation, socialites have never been shy about admitting their privileges. I recently came across a vintage Fabian Basabe interview from the Miami New Times. Entitled, “It Isn’t Easy Being Fabulous: The Trials and Tribulations of Fabian Basabe,” the article is just as you would assume. Never a disappointment, Fabian Basabe is a big, politically incorrect tool. Nothing has changed since 2004. Fabian, who said, “We wound up at Bungalow 8, but that part of the evening is classified — for what happens at Bungalow 8 stays at Bungalow 8.” Not according to your recent temper tantrum, honey. I recommend eating your ironic words. To continue,

“People actually go to these trashy Internet sites like Gawker and Jossip and give them information,” Basabe sniffs. “Supposedly they know me from school or they saw me dancing at a party. People should mind their own business.”

Do not, and I repeat, do not mind your own business. Your business is our business, and our business is to find out their business. Thank you.

Before I conclude my tirade, I would like to express my disappointment in Amanda Hearst for letting her Social Rank drop too far below my expectations. Lydia is kicking your tush, Amanda. Shame on you.

Written By Sara Zucker

By Miu von Furstenberg

  1. King Smart Ian

    I hope you’re the kind of person who is open to immediate, constructive feedback. While the grammar and use of punctuation are a big improvement over the usual posting to this site, I’m not sure I understand the point of your “musings”. I reread your post several times to try to find a glimmer of meaning or relevance and I came up empty. I fear from the lead-in that this is meant to be a recurring feature and I encourage you to rethink the point of this exercise.
    Yours in Jesus,

  2. ali

    Ew, I saw Fabian eating on Thursday at a restaurant in Manhattan. I wanted to throw my drink on him.

  3. BJ Ramm

    Ian -

    Funny, your flimsy grasp on irony. It would appear you’ve got a firm hold on ironic rhetoric when you say you hope the writer is open to constructive criticism and then offer the exact opposite of that. However, your post makes it seem that you’re completely oblivious to the work with irony the writer is doing here. “YWYWTBYN,” at minimum, is a deconstruction of the irony entangled in class-issues. These socialites negotiate the paradoxical space between being above the public and among them. Why do you think the column begins with a Paris Hilton reference? Between Simple Life & the sex tape Paris is so emblematic of the conflict that the writer purposefully AVOIDS her. She’s too easy. I’m not urging the general readership of this site to treat the writing as a text and devote that much thought to it. But if there’s anyone I expected to be up to the task it was you, King Smart Ian. Or is that ironic, too?

    Yours in Hashem,

  4. Lisa

    All these big words are making me head hurt.

  5. King Smart Ian

    I wasn’t seeking to explicate the text qua text as its been a few years since I last read Foucault and Derrida and I leave that to other poster such as yourself. I also wasn’t seeking to be ironic and I reiterate my question as to the point of the original post.

    I’m also wary of the (5x) use of “irony” to explain away half-baked ideas, incomplete logic and poorly-conceived concepts.

    I expect much better from a free, heavily-sponsored-by-porn-sites, loosely edited, slow-to-load, website.

    Yours indignantly,
    King “A Fan of Irony in Very Small Doses” Smart “Never Saw the Point in an MFA, Especially Now” Ian

  6. tahlullah

    I heart you KSI.

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