You Wish You Were Them, But You’re Not

For my first addition of YWYWTBYN, a column solely focusing on international socialites and royalty, I would like to start by saying that I do not ever plan to talk about Paris Hilton. She is an entity unto herself, therefore cannot be counted as a so-called member of an American Royal Family and has far surpassed her role as an heiress and socialite. Therefore, I give you props, Paris. Or maybe, I pity you.

I’m not sure if you knew this but those with the elite title of “royalty” are really just like us. Definitely not, you say, but it’s true. Despite striving for world peace in conjunction with saving our planet’s rain forests or natural springs or whatnot and so forth, they are normal people. For instance, England’s Prince Harry was seen at a lap-dancing club. According to HELLO! Magazine, Princess Madeleine of Sweden was recently reprimanded for contemplating a move-in with her boyfriend. Next thing you know, you’ll be seeing Queen Rania of Jordon cavorting around your nearest 7-11 buying a six-pack of Bud and some beef jerky. How disgusting, not even Bud Light.

Every once in a while,a socialite finally decides to admit that they are a whole lot better than us regulars. Without the stress of running a nation, socialites have never been shy about admitting their privileges. I recently came across a vintage Fabian Basabe interview from the Miami New Times. Entitled, “It Isn’t Easy Being Fabulous: The Trials and Tribulations of Fabian Basabe,” the article is just as you would assume. Never a disappointment, Fabian Basabe is a big, politically incorrect tool. Nothing has changed since 2004. Fabian, who said, “We wound up at Bungalow 8, but that part of the evening is classified — for what happens at Bungalow 8 stays at Bungalow 8.” Not according to your recent temper tantrum, honey. I recommend eating your ironic words. To continue,

“People actually go to these trashy Internet sites like Gawker and Jossip and give them information,” Basabe sniffs. “Supposedly they know me from school or they saw me dancing at a party. People should mind their own business.”

Do not, and I repeat, do not mind your own business. Your business is our business, and our business is to find out their business. Thank you.

Before I conclude my tirade, I would like to express my disappointment in Amanda Hearst for letting her Social Rank drop too far below my expectations. Lydia is kicking your tush, Amanda. Shame on you.

Written By Sara Zucker