WTF? A Christian’s Tell-Tale Signs Your Husband Is Gay

August 20th, 2010 // 1 Comment

Christwire has put together 15 tell-tale signs that you may be married to a muscle Mary that will give you some guidance – and they recommend you draw upon the expertise of spiritual and medical professionals as well. To perform a gay exorcism?

1) Secretive late night use of cellphones and computers – I think that’s just a sign of a cheater, not necessarily a gay. Now if he has Grindr…

2) Looks at other men in a flirtatious way – if he does this, why would you date or marry him? I blame you, lady.

3) Feigning attention in church and prayer groups – he doesn’t have to be gay if he’s just bored in church. If that were the case, all children under the age of 12 are gay.

4) Overly fastidious about his appearance and the home – I will say that a gay man does care more about his appearance and home than a straight man. But if you’re a lazy bitch, that’s good for you, right?

5) Gym membership but no interest in sports – this is brilliant and I quote, “Gay men use the gym as a place to socialize and to have secret liaisons in the bathrooms. They like to work out their bodies without the competition of sports play. Afterward, they use the showers and steam rooms to engage in sexual activity beyond the prying eyes of women. If your man returns from the gym too exhausted to talk or have sex, that is a worrisome sign.”

I don’t even know what to say…

Check out the rest after the jump!


6) Clothes that are too tight and too “trendy” – My thought is that you can either have a husband walking around looking like shit or that he’s at least current. I’m not saying he should wear something so tight that he looks like the Hulk, but seriously…he shouldn’t wear acid wash jeans.

7) Strange sexual demands – GET REAL. Fetishism and sex toys aren’t a sign of emotional abnormalities…but of liberated sexuality.

8) More interested in the men than the women in pornographic films – yeah, that’s probably a good one.

9) Travels frequently to big cities or Asia – so if your husband travels for business, he’s probably going to the gay bathhouse in each city his in, ladies.

10) Too many friendly young male friends – here’s my question, because I see their point, but are men allowed to have women friends? No. So…

11) Sassy, sarcastic and ironic around his friends – This one makes me laugh.

12) Love of pop culture – Another great one to quote, “Gossip websites,
Glee and The Golden Girls are three well-documented icons of the gay
movement that genuine heterosexual men avoid.”

13) Extroverted about his bare chest in public – I think if your husband has his shirt off that is not that weird. Unless he’s cruising at a gay beach.

14) Sudden heavy drinking – So a gay will become an alcoholic? Maybe your husband is an alcoholic because he hates his wife?

15) Ladies, have you dated men in the past who turned out to be gay? – This one makes me laugh because it does put the blame back on the woman.  

By Justin Thompson
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  1. Devon

    You do realize that ChristWire is a parody site, right?

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