Last night I caught up on Monday’s episode of The Real Housewives of Miami, and I’ll say this: You’re all missing the boat.
The first season was horrible, thanks largely in part to Larsa Pippen and that wretched floozy, Christy Rice. Bravo got wise and implemented a formula that was more pleasing to the masses (and yours truly), mixing the grand old tradition of Floridian wealth with lots of silicon, hair extensions and hooker heels.
The franchise is now in its third season, and my socialite/Dynasty-loving heart remains devoted to Lea Black, she who loves a good, thinly-veiled dig, followed by a hearty laugh and an “Am I Right?” expression.
My affection for Black only grew this past week, when the cameras found her sprawled across a massive bed, editing her debut tell-all about Miami society, a tome that promises to make at least a few mentions of people, places and things that “throb” and “masturbate.”
YES. Someone please send me a manuscript at once so that I may read it on my own elegant bedspread, made up of the finest linens Target has to offer.
I invite you to watch the below video of Black in head-to-toe blue spandex, showing us how the great and the good of Miami used to exercise.
It’s not a luxury, it’s a necessity.
PS-Drop Joe Francis, Lady Black. He’s 9 kinds of vile.