Unqualified with J. Harvey: Weight Watchers = Possible Misery

October 23rd, 2008 // 6 Comments

Hey guys! Thanks again for logging on and reading Unqualified every week, all six of you. A friend of mine recently mentioned that he thinks I always side with the letter writer. He’s probably right. I’m totally untrustworthy, and am usually so floored that someone is actually asking me for advice that I’ll usually side with them. You could probably be the Night Stalker or have driven your children into a lake and I’d be like “well, their clothes needed washing anyway and think of the insurance payout!”

This week we have another gal with a poison friendship. Sometimes people from Team Chunk can get vicious. Believe me, I’m one of them. Keep reading.

Hey guys! Thanks again for logging on and reading Unqualified every week, all six of you. A friend of mine recently mentioned that he thinks I always side with the letter writer. He’s probably right. I’m totally untrustworthy, and am usually so floored that someone is actually asking me for advice that I’ll usually side with them. You could probably be the Night Stalker or have driven your children into a lake and I’d be like “well, their clothes needed washing anyway and think of the insurance payout!”This week we have another gal with a poison friendship. Sometimes people from Team Chunk can get vicious. Believe me, I’m one of them.Dear J, I moved across Canada a few years ago for work. i made a few friends, but most of them were men. In order to expand my friend circle (and truthfully, lose some extra ass i have) I joined weight watchers. I made a few friends there. One of them is a 40 year old woman I’ll call A.  A is very overweight and is extremely insecure. This caused her to latch onto me like a barnacle. It was  insane. She literally called me twenty times a day. I finally got fed up and statred avoiding her. Time went on, and she stopped bugging me. Then, about a year later, she contacted me out of the blue and apologized for being a freak. I felt sorry for her and we started hanging out again (yes, i know that was stupid). She was fine for awhile, but then got weird again. She’s not stalking me  (yet anyway). What happened was, I started to notice that she makes a lot of snide remarks at my expense in front of other people. She fishes for compliments from me and then makes snotty remarks about my lokks/accomplishments etc… Quite frankly, she acts jealous. I feel like a tool saying that. I’m not a rich famous supermodel or anything so what she is jealous of, who knows. She also won’t introduce me to her other friends, but the friends of mine I’ve intoduced her to she has glommed onto and is always bugging me to go out with us (no thanks). my question is: How the hell do I get away from her stank? I’m sick of screening my calls and I don;t want to set her off on a rampage. She can be vindictive. Please help, I’m at a loss and I don’t want to be mean to her. I just want to get away from her.Thanks,Contemplating joining the witness protection programDear Contemplating,Oh, Canada! I love our neighbors to the North. I know Canadians will hate me saying this but I always feel like it’s a Bizarro version of the US. And sometimes better. A – you guys seems way more comfy with homos than they do down here (Montreal is at least) and B – poutine at McDonald’s! ‘Nuff said.Anyway, Two Ton Tessie over there has evil a’brewin in her heart. Her insecurity about her weight and other issues has turned her into what they term in the hip-hop community (and Brooke Hogan’s MySpace) a “hater.” She’s got fish entrails for a soul and has to be avoided at all costs.Your BIG mistake was letting her fat ass back into your life. But you’ve acknowledged that, so I can’t browbeat you for it. What do your OTHER friends say? Are they happy she’s always coming around with her bottle of Luna Di Luna (worst wine ever) and Cranium?If your crew feel the same way you do, a united front is best. If EVERYONE starts screening and avoiding, she’ll get the hint again and move on to more hateful pastures. If not, you may have to keep the screening and avoidance up a little bit more. As for her being vindictive? You sound like you have your shit together way more than her. You need to focus on that, and let whatever sad comments drooling out of her venom lips just roll off your back.Oh, and go to a different Weight Watchers meeting. Just a thought.Please keep sending me tales of evil heavy people to harvey.advice@gmail.com! I love your e-mails!Please note that J. Harvey is not a childcare specialist, priest, therapist, counselor, or even a good listener. In other words, don’t sue.

By J. Harvey
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  1. T-Bone

    I’ve had a few narcissistic, jealous friends I’ve had to slowly walk away from. It’s not easy, but it begins by asking yourself why you let her back in your life in the first place. I usually let people back in because A) I’ve forgotten what they’ve done in the past, and B) I’m bored and need some excitement in my life. While A. is ok, B. is not. That’s my own stuff. So, figure out why you allowed her to “fool you twice” and then slowly develop other healthy friendships and start decreasing the amount of communication with her. Eventually, she’ll get the hint.

  2. kelli

    Yep, good advice J and T. T-Bone, when I read your statement B), my subconscious said, “oh-oh.” Darn you intellectual Socialites, now I have to do some more introspective thinking.

    Contemplating, I hope everything works out for you. You are the stronger person.

  3. OC Trophy Wife

    Have you tried talking with her? Sit her down and tell her that you don’t like the snide remarks. She may not realize she does it and may appreciate the honesty. Tell her you appreciate her friendship but it is time for both of you to move on.

    You say she’s vindictive. But isn’t suffering some vindictiveness better than suffering through her friendship?

    I think she hasn’t introduced you to her friends because she doesn’t have any. She only has you and your friends.

    Hopefully she can learn a lesson from this and be a better friend to the next person.

  4. green cardigan

    I had a friend like this!!!!! She was overweight and had insecurities relating to that and she was forever passing snide remarks to people (towards me about my lack of brainpower). Always the remarks were dressed up as a ‘joke’ because she considered herself a great Wit. Ha Ha (not). And i just put up with it, because she was a bully and I was a wimp and I was brainwashed and slightly afraid of her. And then I started dating a guy and that drove her into a frenzy altogether. So like a big eejit, I thought it would be a good idea for the 3 of us to go out for a drink one night so we could all be friends. Except she spent the evening picking holes in everything he said and basically sneering at him. But he wasn’t a wimp and asked her what her problem was and it went downhill from there. That was the start of the end for us. I just started avoiding meeting, got involved in other activities and after time we drifted apart thankfully. Although, if I’m honest, the put downs still rankle. But that’s my own thing.

    So do the same. Let it drift off. You don’t want her becoming vindictive, and if she contacts you again for a 3rd time, as she probably will because she sounds like a Billy No Mates, do NOT forget what a character she has.

    And as a PS…I think its nice that you side with the writer JH. People don’t write to you to get a bollocking, they want sympathy and understanding, and you’re doing a grand job of it :)

  5. contemplating witness protection

    Hi
    Thanks for the advice. Since I last wrote, I sent her a very politr email saying our friendship wasn’t working and explained why. She sent me an email sayng that she thought the friendship was great and that she was happy (uh.. ok). She then said that she would take my friends off her msn and would”let me be the main friend”. So, she completely missed the point and pissed me off to boot. Two seconds after, she emailed my friend and said she hoped that one day we could all be friends blah blah.. i wanted to strangle her. I’ve also decided that I don’t care if it’s mean. she’s toxic and I’m outta there. Oh and J, I’m going to another WW meating somewhere else. And my friends don’t really like her that much, but they were trying to be polite.

  6. kelli

    Good for you, Contemplating. Best wishes for you.

    And I agree with GreenC – JH you are very kind, and extremely funny, with your advice. You also promote intelligent dialogue, not at all the usual on gossip blogs.

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