Unqualified with J. Harvey: Ravenous Beauty

Oh, it’s so good to be back amongst all of you beautiful people! I was in the magical land of Disney for the past week, recharging my advice gland and wondering why so many Americans are using electronic convenience vehicles when they obviously don’t need to. Seriously, the walk will do you good.

Anyway, a repeat caller, writer, whatever (remember the one where the security guard was molesting her boyfriend?) is concerned for a co-worker who thinks her beauty sets her apart from the rest of us. Poor dear. Keep reading…

Oh, it’s so good to be back amongst all of you beautiful people! I was in the magical land of Disney for the past week, recharging my advice gland and wondering why so many Americans are using electronic convenience vehicles when they obviously don’t need to. Seriously, the walk will do you good.Anyway, a repeat caller, writer, whatever (remember the one where the security guard was molesting her boyfriend?) is concerned for a co-worker who thinks her beauty sets her apart from the rest of us. Poor dear. Dear J.,For two years I have worked with a nice Indian woman named Amrita.  She’s OK looking.  I wouldn’t call her pretty but she’s far from ugly.  But when she looks in the mirror she thinks Padma Lakshmi is in the reflection.When one of our co-workers mentioned that he watches Top Chef to see Padma, Amrita batted her eyelashes and said “Thank you.”In her mind, every man wants her and no one else.  When I mentioned that I think our FedEx guy has a crush on our receptionist, she “corrected” me by saying “Oh no… he likes ME.”  She sits in an office in the back and never sees the guy.  But he lingers by our receptionist for a couple minutes beyond the delivery.  It is quite clear who he likes.Amrita works an early shift and leaves the office at 4:00 every day.  Around 5:00 one of our sales reps comes into the office for no good reason but to talk with some of the girls.  He’s a lonely guy.  I mentioned this to her because I thought she might know of a nice girl that he could date.  She said “Oh… how sweet he’s coming in to talk with me.  I should remind him that I’m married.”  He comes in a FULL HOUR AFTER SHE LEAVES and she thinks he is coming in to see her.I pity her because she is delusional.  It’s sad.  But sometimes I just have to laugh because it is so absurd.The problem is that our company is merging with another company that bought us.  The new people, including the new bosses don’t know what to make of her.  She told one of the new guys “I am a married woman.  You should pay me and my husband respect by not looking at me like that.”  I was right there.  There was nothing inappropriate.When we were a small company it was funny.  But now that there are new people I’m afraid she’ll alienate herself or worse lose her job.  She may be delusional but she does great work.I’m afraid to tell her that she’s not all that because she’ll just think I’m jealous of her “ravenous beauty”.  Or can you imagine if I say something and she realizes that she’s not Padma Lakshmi?  MELTDOWN!AmyDear Amy,I need to meet Amrita! Does she live in a bell tower and let her plaits of ebony hair down for her potential suitors to climb up and admire her extreme beauty? She sounds like a character! I would love to be sitting at a restaurant table with her while she goes around the room talking about how all of the men in the joint are penetrating her beauty with their eyes! These sort of people are the kind you normally only see in bad movies! And I think Amrita (if that’s her real name, I hope she doesn’t read this) sounds like she came straight out of one.Your concern for Amrita is sweet but unnecessary. It sounds like you think she’s a nice enough person without the self-delusion, but you need to let her dig her own grave. She’s a Human Resources nightmare waiting to happen. This is the kind of person who screams rape when a male co-worker asks to borrow her USB cord.It will eventually backfire on her. If she keeps letting it interfere in her work relationships, someone’s going to complain to cover their own ass in case she goes nuclear. I’m not sure where her pathology is coming from. Maybe she had some seriously jacked-up parentals who groomed themselves a monstrous princess or she married what used to be her stalker.I would just sit back and let Amrita fall down her mineshaft of crazy of her own free will. Unless she happens to start mentioning YOUR boyfriend being into her. If that happens, set “Padma” straight in a polite, yet firm way. In actuality, this is just an opportunity for something to make the days go by faster at the office. But if it gets really annoying, just start laughing whenever she starts talking about her ravenous beauty. If she brings up your supposed jealousy, laugh harder and  elbow the receptionist to come listen to this. Amrita might get the hint.Please keep sending me tales of crazy people to harvey.advice@gmail.com! I love your e-mails!Please note that J. Harvey is not a childcare specialist, priest, therapist, counselor, or even a good listener. In other words, don’t sue.