Unqualified with J. Harvey: Rachel Tension

Happy post-Memorial Day Hangover! Thank you for joining me in another “Unqualified” adventure in which I give bad advice that usually leads to a hostage taking. Oh, and FYI – “Unqualified with J. Harvey” will be moving to Wednesday afternoons at 1:30 PM EST next week. Why? Because I need more life experience to come up with answers to your dilemmas! And I am putting aside Tuesday evenings for that very purpose! For instance, this next letter is my first racial dilemma. What the hell do I know? I’m a white Irish former Catholic. People are lucky I’m not wearing a hood fer chrissakes considering some of my upbringing and certain asshole relatives I was forced to be around. I’m not one of those dorky white people that lies and says some of their best friends are black! I need some black friends! Mostly because i need to broaden my horizons and so I can answer these type of questions! Anyone? The boyfriend’s always telling me I’m a strong black woman, anyway. Actually, he saying I’m not but I protest, chile! Anyway, I think “Alex” wrote this while she was high. High on her damn self! Keep reading (I cut and paste em’ like I see em’)…


Hello I love you in general I must say I know if I bust out laughing in a post when I get to the end you wrote it. Well I am in your area but thats irrelevant. I am going to to clear sometinh I know my faults I like them I made them. I used to be the ugly girl I mean hideous. Now I am hot I am 5’8″ a size 0/2 and I model. I mean it looks like I got a rhinoplasty, and changed my hair tecture among other things and it was natural.

As a result I am shallow, capitalistic and materialistic (trust I would buy a purse before I donate and send birth control instead of food). I have to get out the way that I am a black female and slightly upper middle class.I loved how people treat you different ecspecially those you knew for years when they find your “regular money” or ugly anymore. I went through my whole rebellion thing it was liking coming out the closet I hated the neigborhood and I was going to be “black” so I pretended to like black guys and listened to rap.Needless to say they did not like me. I have since just point blankedly admitted what I like look all american rejects frontman and Halle berry boyfriend , jack yang (walter) from grey’s anatomy.

Their is an equation involved. I feel know that I can have what I want I should be able to choose. NOW the issue what do I do when people bitch to me about the Interracial thing. THey corner you and want borderline racist answers I want to is not good enough. Adults usually of the same race will hound me twist words and act like I am a trying to be Amy WInehouse umm I have a double science major. The “teenage masses” (don’t let me stereotype) on there the world is bad lets help every one and be politicaly correct and listen to “real music” off the radio spiel alienate me. I am labeled as offensive and a race hater ( I dont care about everyone equally). When someone talks to me or tries to hook me up with someone based on race alone I dont know what to say other than your not my type or that person is not my type.

They still ask more questions and I dont really lie (it pisses your parents off more when you tell the truth) then I am known as that race hating girl. I have had multiple black guys who the blackest thing they have dated is biracial bitch me out with out haveing a conversation with me. I hate being in that situation people take all your points with a grain of salt and thats bad enough when you look good.

But I mean honestly I listen to The Strokes and wear olsen twins/ Abercrombie and Fitch and I am conservative adrenaline junkie, I play classical music and I eat ANYTHING that moves should’nt it be obvious whats my type.

Alex

Dear Alex,

Girl, you trippin’!

I always wanted to say that. No seriously. I read that letter three times and I’m still unsure as to what the f*ck is going on exactly. But I will try to get through this one. I’m of two minds about this. One of my minds says that I want a hit off whatever it was you were cueing up on as you wrote this stream-of-consciousness cry for help from an incredibly snotty white girl in a black girl’s body deal. The other says that you really really like yourself. Confidence is swell. People should have gallons from it. But baby, there’s a limit! Though, I’m glad you’re no longer “ugly.”

(Like how ugly? Facial tumor ugly? Those two sisters attached at the face ugly? The “God Hates Fags” family ugly? What are we talking here?)

And I guess it’s good that you realize you’re shallow and materialistic. Me too! Beauty really brought you that? What’s my excuse? And congrats on your double science major? One of them obviously wasn’t psychology!

But it sounds like you have a lot more going on than people thinking you’re a “race hater”. Question – are you sounding this full of yourself when you interact with people at parties and social situations? That could be the problem. Your laundry list of why you’re the most amazing thing since Kraft Easy Mac was formidable. And a little wacky. And it sounds like you’re not shy about sharing it. When you communicate with people while your resume, educational accomplishments and modeling career are constantly running on a loop in your frontal lobe, and then automatically assuming people are re jealous and want to hate on you because of it – well, that’s not going to be very conducive to people digging you. And even though I’m a white man, I can clue you in on something. It doesn’t matter if the guy is purple, polka-dotted, or stripey like a tiger – any dude would think you’re a bitch if you act like one.. Can you play it cool, and just hang out?

You should be able to date whomever the hell you want. And if your African-American dudes aren’t feeling that, then that’s their problem. But I don’t think you should write guys off because they have different musical interests than you. Just because he likes T-Pain or something and you like The Helio Sequence doesn’t mean he can’t do you right, my sister! Lighten up a little, darlin’!

Amy Winehouse doesn’t have a double science major? I guess she isn’t cooking up her own dope, then.

And I have to add that “send birth control before food” thing really cemented my image of you in my mind. Good Lord.

Please continue making me feel uncomfortable about my race by sending e-mails to harvey.advice@gmail.com! I LOVE YOUR LETTERS!

Note to our readers, J. Harvey is in no way a counselor, advisor, professional, priest, or in any way qualified to be giving out advice. Please take it with a grain of salt and a sense of humor. In other words, don’t sue.