Unqualified With J. Harvey: Problem Drinking

Hey guys. This week we have a reader who got drunk and acted the fool and people aren’t speaking to her. What can we do to help? God knows I’m an old hand at THIS particular topics. Keep reading.


Hey guys. This week we have a reader who got drunk and acted the fool and people aren’t speaking to her. What can we do to help? God knows I’m an old hand at THIS particular topics.  Hi J. Harvey,  I live in a small community in basically a rural area.  We have a rather small group of peers who are here shall we say doing a similar kind of research.  In the past few months, my true friends have moved on and I have felt pretty lonely.  I wasn’t sure how to respond to their departure– try to merge with the other established cliques here or just wait til my time was up (not a short time, nearly a whole other year) and pioneer it out on my own?   Well, apparently I decided to try to make new friends, and attended one of their functions recently.  There’s always lots of booze at these things and everyone was pretty drunk, but I got reeeeealllly drunk and did some things that were so absurd and socially retarded I can’t bear to describe them.  I now see it was a combination of the lonely feelings and what I’m realizing is some kind of social anxiety problem I apparently have, as well as just the influence of the silly sauce of course, that led me to lose my good sense to such a degree.  The saddest part is that I didn’t even realize how retarded I had been acting.  I really left thinking I had been a hit!!!  : /  But I ran into some of the ‘in group’ of these other cliques a few days after the party and they were so cold and dismissive of me it forced me to ask myself why the major change in attitude, and then it slowly dawned on me just how ridiculously inappropriate I had been.  I didn’t hurt anyone, I just made a fool of myself.  In a crowd of people who liked me and knew me, the behavior would have been funny…but in a crowd of already slightly weirdly hostile tensions– for no real reason, just stupid clique immaturity– it was not received well, and outwardly ridiculed in fact, by one woman especially who always has been bafflingly evil to me. Needless to say, I’m mortified.  I’ve sworn off drinking just to be safe, though I’m pretty sure I’m not an alcoholic.  (I am in recovery for another addiction and have in the past checked out the “Is AA for you?” pamphlets and I don’t fit the bill, so it’s not a simple matter of ‘get this woman to rehab.’ )  As I said before, our community is small.  I can’t avoid these people and it seems rumor of my actions have spread to the new people who replaced my graduated friends, who now don’t want to be associated with me, and even to the supervisory staff in my lab and my once stellar reputation there is now becoming tainted, because my boss really values having a good image and the best workers, etc….  In addition to this, I’m now totally alone here.  No even gratuitous invites anymore and there’s just no one else to hang out with unless I leave town which is possible but expensive, though I do do it as often as I can.  Should I apologize to these people?  Try to make amends somehow?  Just grin and bear it?  I’m dying of loneliness and shame.  Please tell me how you and your readers see it.Dear Kal,Oh, sweetie. If I had a Susan B. Anthony commemorative dollar for the amount of times I got my swerve on and ended up making a complete and total ass of myself – let’s just say I’d be able to have a Jay’s Favorite Things episode on my own damn talk show and the audience would be getting a lot of swag.What I really want to know is – what did you do while you were drunk? SOMEONE must have told you. Did you f*ck someone’s spouse? Pee in the middle of the dance floor? Rip off your clothes and try to entice the entire room? It must have been pretty hot if this many people are no longer speaking to you.Did you like, slap your daughter and fall through a shower stall like Meg Ryan in When a Man Loves a Woman? God, I love that movie.Like I said, you probably have nothing on me. I am your stereotypical Irish drunk. I have hit on straight dudes at a friend’s bachelor party (all of them), locked myself in a bathroom stall at a concert venue and passed out causing paramedics to jump over and in to make sure I wasn’t dead, gotten thrown out of my own ten year high school reunion, and sung a Cher medley during karaoke at a work function. You name it, I’ve done it and made a huge drunken fool of myself. Anyone who drinks has, at least one time, gotten blitzed and made a fool of him or herself. It’s the law of drinking. So stop beating yourself up over this, ok? (Jesus, did you run someone over?)I’m not sure what you did exactly, so I’m not sure if these people are uptight twats or have a reason to be so frosty. In any case, what I would do is lay low. Do your job to the best of your ability. Be friendly and cordial to people but don’t simper. Hold your head high. Making a drunken ass out of yourself doesn’t mean you should wear a scarlet “D” on your tit.  Let some time go by. If you get invited to another function eventually, go and have soda water for the entire evening. If you even want to get back in with these judgey muthaf*ckas. ..If they continue to be shady, continue going out of town to party. Do you REALLY want to be hanging with people that are so snotty? Groups of people ALWAYS need one person to look down on to make themselves feel better and in control.It sounds like they picked you on account of your liquor escapade. Learn from it, stay strong, and move on.If you do get a chance to make friends again with one of these people, and it’s brought up, find out what their deal is. Some inside knowledge might be of benefit to you. Oh, and that one bitch? Tell her to get that stick out of her cooze. And that you’re sorry she got molested as a child. (I would wait until after work for that one.)Ok. Now I need a drink… Please keep sending your tales of drunken buffoonery to harvey.advice@gmail.com! I love your e-mails!Please note that J. Harvey is not a childcare specialist, priest, therapist, counselor, or even a good listener. In other words, don’t sue.