Unqualified With J. Harvey: Looking For Love In All The Mall Places

Can you believe it’s already August? Have you noticed that time speeds up as you get older? Seriously, what happened to July? Here in Boston, it’s been the summer of thunder. It seems like everyday there’s some sort of torrential downpour and lightning storm that kills or injures someone. It’s a summer of danger and deceit! This is what happens when we didn’t give a shit about reducing our carbon footprint!

Sorry, I had to express myself. This is also the Summer of No Love for one lonely reader. Keep reading!


Can you believe it’s already August? Have you noticed that time speeds up as you get older? Seriously, what happened to July? Here in Boston, it’s been the summer of thunder. It seems like everyday there’s some sort of torrential downpour and lightning storm that kills or injures someone. It’s a summer of danger and deceit! This is what happens when we didn’t give a shit about reducing our carbon footprint!Sorry, I had to express myself. This is also the Summer of No Love for one lonely reader. Keep reading!Hi J. Harvey,I’m a 21 year-old gay guy who’s never had a boyfriend. I’ve slept around the last two years ever since I lost my virginity in a mall comfort room cubicle and I think I’m ready for something serious. Hell, I’ve been ready for almost a year now.I know, I know, I’m still young and I should enjoy being single and take my time but I am sick of being single. I do have a feeling I’m just bored which is why I’m getting hasty about getting in a romantic relationship but I’m not sure about that. It doesn’t help either that I no longer enjoy my job (I’d take or give the other kind of job any day- yes I’m kind of a whore).I’m not the loud, obvious type except when I’m with my close friends and my family doesn’t know about my bed partner preference except for a cousin and my sister. I’ve had several sex partners but none of them wanted more than humping and jizz-guzzling. Some did show some affection but nothing consistent. I’ve also been on dates but as sad as it sounds, I don’t think I’ve ever gone on a second date.There are some guys who keep in touch but no one I’m really into. Gawd, I hate it. It’s like we’re running around in circles.I don’t look bad either nor am I stupid.Am i being too picky? Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be? Help.Almost Desperate,JamesDear James,What the hell is a mall comfort room? Like when you didn’t get it on sale so you need to cry and be consoled?It’s ok, lil’ guy. Everyone gets lonely once in awhile. And random sex in malls can make one feel even lonelier after everybody shoots, zips up and gets gone. You sound like you’re more than able to get laid, but you’re actually looking for a drinking companion and snuggle buddy.Here’s the thing – YOU ARE YOUNG. 21 is practically a baby, dude. And a relationship is a big ole’ thing to handle. Are you sure that you’re not just bored and looking for a distraction? Hell, start a blog or go to the gym or work your way through the works of William Shakespeare. A relationship is as much work as having a baby. You have to surrender yourself to another person and share 1/2 your life, and it’s…a big deal. What you need to be doing right now is having fun. Go out with your pals. Work to live, and further your career if you feel like it. Party, laugh, go nuts. Because the truth is, anyone I have known (including J. Harvey) who has ever gone out hunting and high and low for love ends up lying on their living room in tears and eating hummus with a spoon and without the benefit of pita bread squares. It’s an impossible proposition. Unless you’re paying, you can’t force that shit. True story – I was really dumb and desperate to find someone for many years. So I went on a bunch of ridiculous dates and fooled around with a number of people that I shouldn’t have wasted my time on because I was so scared of being alone.  And the second I stopped caring? I found someone. And I ended up finding the only person in the world who can somehow deal with my bullshit – the boyfriend.It’ll happen when you least expect it. Just make yourself available to it. Something else to think about – keep some profile on a gay site so people can see you’re looking for a nice guy. Meeting people in bars (and quiet corners of the mall) usually leads to a load to the face and very little value. You can get to know someone on line. Or at least see if they’re literate. Illiterate people can bang but it’s hard to take in a foreign film with them.Oh, and if you’re gonna be banging plenty of random dudes in malls and forests and thickets and under docks (as gay men are wont to do because we’re dirty boys) – be careful and use protection. Christ, I sound like a Mom.Please keep sending your tales of lovelornness to harvey.advice@gmail.com! I love your e-mails!Please note that J. Harvey is not a childcare specialist, priest, therapist, counselor, or even a good listener. In other words, don’t sue.