“Unqualified With J. Harvey: Ahoy There, Obsession!”

Hey team, and Happy Thanksgiving tomorrow! Eat plenty of turkey and pie and mashed potatoes! And have many White Russians! Ri-Ri Harvey’s making a feast and the boyfriend and I will be there front and center! Everyone be safe and have fun and eat until vomiting. If you’re a supermodel, otherwise just lay there on the couch and watch movies and make fun of your relatives’ wigs. Anyway, here’s a cruise ship romance dilemma we need to work on!

Hello J.Harvey,

I can’t believe I’m actually emailing you!!

I can barely believe it myself, sometimes…

Anyway i work on board a cruise ship and i recently met someone i got on really well with, he was so nice and kept telling me how perfect and beautiful i was. I don’t usually go in for BS like that. The day he was due to leave he asked me for my number and my email address, i really hadn’t expected him to keep in touch and wouldn’t have minded if he’s just gone on his merry way, but he said he would. Now 5 days later I’m checking my phone and email every minute, i can’t stop thinking about it and it’s driving me crazy. I wouldn’t mind i didn’t like him that much he was just good fun at the time, but the fact is he said he would get in touch and he hasn’t. I know his email address, i think that telling him what i think would be the only way for me to get past obsessing about this, at the same time emailing him might make me look like a pathetic stalker who’s been obsessing about this all the time.

What do you think do i email him and if so what do i say or do i not and then how do i get past it?????

Many thanks,

More “Unqualified With J. Harvey” after the jump.

This one’s pretty easy. First off, you obviously DID like the guy that much if you’re poring over your e-mail and call history every three seconds. Admit that first. Secondly, I don’t think it’s pathetic stalkerish at all if you drop him an e-mail to say “hey” and “what’s up” and “boy, you did me right” and “I’ve already named our children in my head”. Ok, nix that last part. For real, just write him a light, casual e-mail. If he doesn’t write back, I would just drop it and try to move on. Don’t drive yourself crazy over an unresponsive dude. Either he’s too busy to invest or he’s not feeling it at all. If he does write back, keep it light until you reach a level where you can express how you’re feeling without sounding like Shipboard Stalker Chick. And if he isn’t into it, remember – men are like buses, there’s one every 15 minutes. And until you meet a good one, have fun and try to keep your self-respect.

Something else to remember, you work on a cruise ship. Which means you are ALL over the place, ALL the time. And I assume he’s stationary? Even if you two totally hit it off and start writing obscene e-mails to each other on a regular basis, are you willing to make it long distance? What if you’re in the Straits of Gibraltar somewhere on your big tugboat, lying in your bunk and feeling lacivious and needing a man – and his ass is in Arkansas or some shit? Chew on that. But good luck!

Please continue to send your messages of hope, conspiracy theories, unmarked bills, and last will and deed to harvey.advice@gmail.com! I love your letters!

Note to our readers, J. Harvey is in no way a counselor, advisor, professional, priest, or in any way qualified to be giving out advice. Please take it with a grain of salt and a sense of humor. In other words, don’t sue.