Unqualified With J. Harvey: Lack Of Scrubbing Bubbles
Hello, advice groupies! Welcome to the waning days of summer! This week we have a woman whose boyfriend is a stranger to the ways of the bath gel, shampoo and loofah. Yuck. Keep reading.
Hello, advice groupies! Welcome to the waning days of summer! This week we have a woman whose boyfriend is a stranger to the ways of the bath gel, shampoo and loofah. Yuck. Hi J.,I’m writing to your concerning my boyfriend. He’s a beautiful, sexy, sweet man and the sex is amazing. We’ve been living together for a few months and though there’s been some minor brawls everything’s going swimmingly. However, there is one problem that I haven’t discussed with by boyfriend but which is becoming increasingly more irritating to me: he doesn’t seem to shower very much. I’m talking like once a week. By some grace of God he never has any odor problems, however Mama Monique taught her daughter to value and utilize hygienic practices. Furthermore, in about a month we’re moving into a beautiful new apartment, bringing me to start browsing bedding and kitchenware and I don’t want to spend everyday washing my new high thread count sheets. I might be completely ridiculous but I’m a one or more shower a day girl. Am I being reasonable or am I letting my delicate constitution get the best of me? Is there anyway I can approach/fix this situation, or am I just going to have to accept that we have different ideas on personal grooming?MHDear MH,I’m a one or more showers a day gal myself! I know EXACTLY where you’re coming from. Luckily, I seemed to luck out in the boyfriend hygiene capacity because The Boyfriend is even more cleanliness obsessed than I am. Seriously, that boy takes at least 1/2 hour in the shower and I swear to god he isn’t whacking off. He’s scrubbing every inch of his damn body. Sometimes he’s in there washing the insides of his eyelids and his cuticle beds, I just know it. That’s what happens when you’ve been a POW! Just kidding, he’s gay and from Buffalo!Anyway, there ARE people in the world who seem to have lucked out and don’t possess body odor. They’re few and far between but they do exist. Then you have people who THINK they don’t possess body odor because they look like models but they actually do. Just because you’re pretty doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be washing your grendel (that’s a fancy word for taint).I’ve actually heard rumors of quite a number of Hollywood stars who stink to the high heavens because they think they’re too famous to wash themselves. I would grab a firehose and start spraying if I had my druthers. As for your eye guy, can you bring it up to him? Maybe get him on an every other day schedule? The KEY to a relationship is being able to talk to each other about stuff. And the ability to be honest with each other. Always preface it with something positive like “Sweetie, I love you. Your dick is gorgeous, and you know how to cut into the corners when we paint rooms. But the non-showering thing kinda skeeves me out.”Just speak sincerely and without an ounce of meanness, and (if he’s rational) he should respond in kind. Maybe he has a phobia about water? Or he’s a Phish fan? It’s all about compromise, sometimes.And if that doesn’t work, start the sex in the shower system. “If you take a shower every other day, I will soap your genitals personally.” Dudes like that. I know that can’t be done every night, but you can make sure he’s squeaky clean on the weekends.Please keep sending your pictures of dirty guys to email@example.com! I love your e-mails!Please note that J. Harvey is not a childcare specialist, priest, therapist, counselor, or even a good listener. In other words, don’t sue.