Unqualified With J. Harvey: Lack Of Scrubbing Bubbles

August 27th, 2008 // 13 Comments

Hello, advice groupies! Welcome to the waning days of summer! This week we have a woman whose boyfriend is a stranger to the ways of the bath gel, shampoo and loofah. Yuck. Keep reading.


Hello, advice groupies! Welcome to the waning days of summer! This week we have a woman whose boyfriend is a stranger to the ways of the bath gel, shampoo and loofah. Yuck.  Hi J.,I’m writing to your concerning my boyfriend. He’s a beautiful, sexy, sweet man and the sex is amazing. We’ve been living together for a few months and though there’s been some minor brawls everything’s going swimmingly. However, there is one problem that I haven’t discussed with by boyfriend but which is becoming increasingly more irritating to me: he doesn’t seem to shower very much. I’m talking like once a week. By some grace of God he never has any odor problems, however Mama Monique taught her daughter to value and utilize hygienic practices. Furthermore, in about a month we’re moving into a beautiful new apartment, bringing me to start browsing bedding and kitchenware and I don’t want to spend everyday washing my new high thread count sheets. I might be completely ridiculous but I’m a one or more shower a day girl. Am I being reasonable or am I letting my delicate constitution get the best of me? Is there anyway I can approach/fix this situation, or am I just going to have to accept that we have different ideas on personal grooming?MHDear MH,I’m a one or more showers a day gal myself! I know EXACTLY where you’re coming from. Luckily, I seemed to luck out in the boyfriend hygiene capacity because The Boyfriend is even more cleanliness obsessed than I am.  Seriously, that boy takes at least 1/2 hour in the shower and I swear to god he isn’t whacking off. He’s scrubbing every inch of his damn body. Sometimes he’s in there washing the insides of his eyelids and his cuticle beds, I just know it. That’s what happens when you’ve been a POW! Just kidding, he’s gay and from Buffalo!Anyway, there ARE people in the world who seem to have lucked out and don’t possess body odor. They’re few and far between but they do exist. Then you have people who THINK they don’t possess body odor because they look like models but they actually do. Just because you’re pretty doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be washing your grendel (that’s a fancy word for taint).I’ve actually heard rumors of quite a number of Hollywood stars who stink to the high heavens because they think they’re too famous to wash themselves. I would grab a firehose and start spraying if I had my druthers. As for your eye guy, can you bring it up to him? Maybe get him on an every other day schedule? The KEY to a relationship is being able to talk to each other about stuff. And the ability to be honest with each other.  Always preface it with something positive like “Sweetie, I love you. Your dick is gorgeous, and you know how to cut into the corners when we paint rooms. But the non-showering thing kinda skeeves me out.”Just speak sincerely and without an ounce of meanness, and (if he’s rational) he should respond in kind. Maybe he has a phobia about water? Or he’s a Phish fan? It’s all about compromise, sometimes.And if that doesn’t work, start the sex in the shower system. “If you take a shower every other day, I will soap your genitals personally.” Dudes like that. I know that can’t be done every night, but you can make sure he’s squeaky clean on the weekends.Please keep sending your pictures of dirty guys to harvey.advice@gmail.com! I love your e-mails!Please note that J. Harvey is not a childcare specialist, priest, therapist, counselor, or even a good listener. In other words, don’t sue.

By J. Harvey
  1. MiaPiaTia

    I don’t have any advice. Just questions…

    Is he dirty? Does he look dirty? Does this affect his work in any way? If he isn’t dirty and doesn’t smell dirty, why would you need to wash your sheets every day? How often does he change his underwear? Has he always been like this? Or only since you moved in together? Do you give him enough time to shower? Or are you hogging the bathroom?

  2. MiaPiaTia

    OMG! Does he not shower after sex?!?!

  3. T-Bone

    Americans are a little more into the whole showering one to two times a day thing. Doesn’t mean everyone else is. Other people in other countries don’t consider it a big priority.

    However — it would bug me too, because even though he doesn’t smell, I’d always wonder if he’s clean. That might freak me out. And when I get freaked out, sometimes it’s a slow spiral downward from there.

    If he’s a good guy and it bugs you, ask him about it. Just say “You don’t shower ever…why is that?” See what he says. Go from there.

  4. OC Trophy Wife

    If it bothers you so much that you have written for advice, you should discuss it with him. It can be subtle. After he showers, give him a hug and smell him. Tell him you love the smell of clean bare skin.

    You can also be more direct. “I would appreciate it if you shower more often.” If he is cool, he’ll appreciate your honesty. If he isn’t cool, then you have evidence that he can’t handle honest communication. Time to re-evaluate!

  5. OC Trophy Wife

    If it bothers you so much that you have written for advice, you should discuss it with him. It can be subtle. After he showers, give him a hug and smell him. Tell him you love the smell of clean bare skin.

    You can also be more direct. “I would appreciate it if you shower more often.” If he is cool, he’ll appreciate your honesty. If he isn’t cool, then you have evidence that he can’t handle honest communication. Time to re-evaluate!

  6. jay

    My husband used to behave similarly. He showered every day, but flat refused to use soap of any kind. No shampoo, nothing but water. Gross. I told him that I will never put anything in my mouth that hasn’t been thoroughly washed with soap and water, and that seriously solved the problem for us.

  7. green cardigan

    Don’t mind the ‘oh honey’ sensitive ‘lets share this together’ approach. Tell him to shower. You don’t have to be mean but be direct and don’t leave room for discussion. My fella gets a bit grungy at times (through physical work) and i know that sometimes he can’t be bothered so I just say to him ‘take a shower buster, you’re smelling a little ripe there’. No big deal and no reason for a fight.

  8. Lorna

    Introduce him to “Choo-Choo”. You start a tub with perfect water temp and lovely bubbles. He sits in back (caboose) and you get in front (engineer). As the water runs, you paddle the water between your legs to funnel the bubbles back to him. At some point, you start screaming, “Choo-choo! Choo-choo!” It’s always good for a laugh and an erection. And afterwards, he’s clean enough you could eat off him!

  9. Lorna

    Introduce him to “Choo-Choo”. You start a tub with perfect water temp and lovely bubbles. He sits in back (caboose) and you get in front (engineer). As the water runs, you paddle the water between your legs to funnel the bubbles back to him. At some point, you start screaming, “Choo-choo! Choo-choo!” It’s always good for a laugh and an erection. And afterwards, he’s clean enough you could eat off him!

  10. Jeanie

    My first thought was, “maybe he’s showing at the gym?” Once a week seems really crazy, and definitely a deal breaker. That’s a little third world to me.

  11. lola

    I hate it when you tell someone a problem of yours and their first response is to tell you how they so don’t have that problem. As you did to this poor girl. ‘Oh your boyfriend doesn’t shower? Mine does it every hour of every day and twice an hour on Sundays!’ Why would you do that? To make the poor girl feel worse? To boost yourself up by making someone else feel bad? Whyyyyyy?????

  12. lola

    I hate it when you tell someone a problem of yours and their first response is to tell you how they so don’t have that problem. As you did to this poor girl. ‘Oh your boyfriend doesn’t shower? Mine does it every hour of every day and twice an hour on Sundays!’ Why would you do that? To make the poor girl feel worse? To boost yourself up by making someone else feel bad? Whyyyyyy?????

  13. Jalfspepelp

    What a great site, hope to have big fun in here!
    Regards! :)

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