True Blood Recap: Season Finale

Talbot in better times

Well, it’s the season three finale of True Blood and it feels like we haven’t gotten very far with these characters.  Truthfully, I can’t make sense of what happened during this run, but I am glad we’ve gotten to the bottom of Sookie’s magical powers.  She’s a fairy, and a sassy one at that.  And what a mouth!  I’m surprise Bill doesn’t cringe every time she swears.  It’s not proper for a woman courted by Bill to speak in such an unbecoming manner.

Eric, do the world a favor and let the little f*ck fry.”  I’ll miss you, Pam, and I concur with your passionate remark.  Russell only exists now to kill and conquer.  Talbot is dead, so there’s no reason for him to be kind to others.

What’s the recovery time for a vampire who’s been left in the sun too long?

Why is Sookie dressed like she’s going to cheerleading practice?

Don’t worry, TaraEggs is in a better place, on a network show about to premiere on ABC.   He’s not dead, but he’s at risk for being canceled (just like he was on The Deep End).  Go on with your life knowing that he’s alive and well.  Heal yourself from all of the trauma you’ve suffered, and maybe think about marrying Sam.  Despite his anger management issues and sordid past, you two could probably make a life together.  But it might be a good idea to pick up and move.  You could open a second Merlott’s somewhere normal where the people don’t morph into panthers and owls.

Seriously, what is the rate of healing for a toasted vampire?  Russell resembles an absolutely burned-up marshmallow.

The True Blood season finale recap continues after the jump.

Oh, Russell.  He’s carrying around a Waterford vase full of Talbot’s
remains in hopes of putting him back together.  And Sookie poured poor
Talbot down the sink.  That was mean.Goodness me.  That pack Crystal
came from look like the very definition of inbred.  “Here you go,
uncle/daddy Calvin.”  My skin just crawled with the site of missing
teeth and dirty wife beaters.  Oh my God.  The father just go shot in
the face.  What is going on in the bowels of the deep south?Oh
Tara’s mom.  First you were a crazy drunk, now you’re a mistress.  You
just can’t win, can you?  You want to be a minister’s wife, but the odds
of that happening are slim.  Woman, you know a married man rarely
leaves his wife if he’s giving you the runaround.  Snap out of it!Oh God.  Sam’s got a gun.  Alcide is here to save the day!  Man oh man, is he a hunk.Super, now Andy’s interested in trying V.Jesus is a witch!  He’s a “witch who’s a nurse…who’s a dude.”  *GASP*I
forgot this is the season finale which means lots of cliffhangers are
about to occur, including a farewell to Tara’s hair.  Bad move, Tara. 
Oh wow.  Not a good haircut.Eric, you’re a disappointment to Godrick.  What good will burying Russell alive in cement do?Whoaaaa whoa.  Wait a minute.  Why oh why is Bill burying Eric in cement?  To keep his quiet about something, no doubt.  Hoyt wants to marry Jessica
Hoyt wants to marry Jessica!  I love LOVE! Don’t think I overlooked
that weird doll on the floor in the dark.  I just chose to ignore it for
the time being.Look out.  Hoyt’s mom has a gun.Sookie
can’t hid her disappointment that Bill buried Eric alive in cement
buuuuuuuuuuuuut ERIC LIVES!  He broke free!  As did Pam, which I’m
thrilled about.  She’s such a firecracker.This love bullsh*t
between Bill and Sookie is exhausting.  Not a huge cliffhanger moment
and I don’t really care that Bill originally set out to capture Sookie
for the queen.Oh Sam. Don’t shoot your brother.  Please.  The
dumb ass can’t read.  Sam, DON’T SHOOT HIM! Oh wow.  Sam just shot his
brother.  What a way to end the series.  Sam shoots his brother
and Sookie calls on the Fairy Force.  Maybe Tara shouldn’t marry Sam
after all.As a tribute to the show, here are some oldies but goodies from HBO’s True Blood Crew Appreciation Party at the The Carlyle Residences in LA on July 3rd.