Torn Between Two Fine Ass Men

We should all have this bitch’s problem. Despite reports that she was once again entertaining Jake Gyllenhaal’s spandex goodness in her automobile and home, sources are saying that she’s trying to make things work with her cherubic sex god ex-husband, Ryan Phillipe. This chick has it all. Movie career, beautiful children, and two hot guys interested in her. Why doesn’t she just win the lottery or ascend to godhood? I’m a hater.

The Oscar-winning cutie and her husband – who separated last October amid reports he’d grown very close to comely Australian actress Abbie Cornish – have been spotted shopping, jogging and lunching together in Los Angeles.

“They met for lunch this week at the Votre Sante health-food restaurant, a regular Brentwood haunt for Reese on San Vicente,” said our source. “And they’re going on runs together around the Brentwood Country Club. Both are regular, dedicated runners. Running is a very healing, meditative thing, so maybe it will work its magic on them.”

Honestly, I see people out running lately in August’s 9,000 heat and I don’t feel like it’s magic. I feel like some of these freaks’ brains are boiling in their skulls and they’re going to start bleeding out their eyes. Physically fit people are crazy. Have a drink. That works wonders, too. Anyway, a friend of Reese’s confirms they’re hanging. Phillipe’s rep flat out denied it. So that Ryan can tongue-lash any new piece that comes along while hanging with Reese and then can deny there was a try at getting back together. As for Gyllenhaal, sources say he has a hot ass and sexy hound dog eyes and needs to call me.