Tonya Harding Is Batshit Crazy

March 15th, 2007 // 15 Comments


Remember Tonya Harding? The best Olympic scandal ever? Nancy Kerrigan’s knee, lead pipe, homemade porn movie, went on to celebrity box and live in a trailer near Seattle? Absolutely delicious. Anyway, it sounds like she’s been messing with some substances. Because she recently was accused by her friends of “tweaking out” .

Clark County sheriff’s deputies responded to two calls early Sunday involving infamous figure skater Tonya Harding, who was described in police reports as “very agitated” and “tweaking out.”

Sgt. Tim Bieber said Wednesday that police received the first call at 4:56 a.m. Harding called police to Yacolt Towing. According to a police report of the incident, Harding said four men and a woman tried to break into her car and steal it and were trying to stash rifles on the side of her property.

She told police she was on “new medication” and was experiencing an adverse reaction.

In his report, the deputy wrote that Harding’s account was a “very implausible story.”

Adverse reaction? Did the new medication come on small tabs of paper with smiley faces on it? It gets better, keep reading.

He described her as “very agitated” and “glancing everywhere.” He noted that the former star skater was “frustrated others can’t see the people she sees.”

Later the same morning, about 9 a.m., police received another call regarding Harding, this time from a friend who told authorities the skater was “tweaking out, seeing animals.” The caller said Harding was staying with her and was not violent. She said she worried about her own children’s welfare.

The deputy who responded to the call took Harding back to her home, a trailer in Clark County, and checked her house to “put her at ease,” Bieber said. The officer then advised Harding to see a doctor.

Dude, never ever make homemade PCP in your trailer. I don’t care how hard up your ass is for new experiences. Do a figure skating convention guest shot and sleep with a geek. “Seeing animals”? That’s scary as hell. Was she eating axle grease sandwiches and wearing curtains, too? If so, there better be pics.

By J. Harvey

  1. tammyv

    Honestly, it could be medication. Some ADD-treatment drugs cause delusions and similar symptoms

  2. tammyv

    Honestly, it could be medication. Some ADD-treatment drugs cause delusions and similar symptoms

  3. tulip

    Britney should see this. I think it is her future playing out. She replaced the club with a green umbrella.

  4. Jinxy McDeath

    Now, looking at the faces of meth – those tweakers appear to be losing weight, not GAINING massive amounts of tonnage. Good Lord she looks like she’s nearly 60 years old. The Karma train ran her ass ovah.

  5. DarthPaul

    I’m just going to pretend that Nancy used a voodoo doll on this sow. That’s the only rational explanation for this degree of disgrace.

  6. terexam2

    “very implausible story;” “The Karma train ran her ass ovah.”

    Both absolutely brilliant summaries. She looks exactly like I would’ve thought she would end up, unfortunately.

  7. Eww she looks horrible!

    On a side note, I am looking forward to that new Will Ferrel ice skating movie. lol


  8. mike

    Nancy Kerrigan makes a fun cameo in ‘Blades of Glory,’ the new Will Ferrell skating movie

  9. G

    doughy white trash on bathtub crank

  10. ElvisLives

    Clark County, WA, is near Portland, OR, not near Seattle. Tanya grew up in Portland and hasn’t strayed far from her roots. No doubt further amusing shenanigans will continued to occur in the trailer.

    If she was smart, she’d just put some pay-per-view webcams in the trailer, then she would have some money and wouldn’t have to try cooking PCP on that propane-fired two-burner stove…

  11. ElvisLives

    PS. I would guess that steroids are probably banned for boxers, but I wonder if they test her for PCP before she gets in the ring?

  12. mapit

    Dude, mapquest is your friend. Clark County is nowhere near Seattle – it’s by Portland, OR. Seattle is almost 3 hours away.

  13. I think Tonya could use some Tina.

  14. Thunder888

    Most probably has to do with the fact that the wicked elements of the CIA are tormenting her. ..And its about to be a showdown..

    But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea. Matt 18:6

  15. kely 456

    why when people have hard times all other people can do is try to dog them out more instead of trying to wish them well?

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