TomKat’s Baby Revealed To Be An Alien

April 20th, 2006 // 20 Comments

It’s kind of croc like isn’t it.

Proud dad Tom Cruise last night said new baby daughter Suri was “gorgeous” – and praised fiancée Katie Holmes for giving birth in silence like a true Scientologist.

Cruise, 43, told pals he had been “jumping on couches” since Katie gave birth to the 7lb 7oz tot on Tuesday.

Speaking publicly for the first time since the birth, Tom said: “It’s a girl! It’s a girl! Her name is Suri and she’s gorgeous.”

And he praised his fiancée for staying silent during the birth saying: “Kate was, and is, an absolute champ.”

It’s been revealed that Katie Holmes took the epidural during the birth of Suri. With Tom holding Katie’s hand and stroking her face during the birth, the she was able to stifle and moans (the gag helped as well) during the birthing process. Everyone in the room remained silent during the birth, and made hand signals to communicate.

Despite’s all of Tom’s preparation for a home birth (in the home hospital), Katie insisted on having the baby in a proper hospital. I have a feeling she may have threatened to blurt out something inappropriate during the birth in order to get her way. Tom recorded the whole birth on tape for supposedly prosperity’s sake, but here is where things get strange.

A Scientology insider said: “Tom would have been required to report back about the birth, tell them if it was silent or not and if Katie was given drugs. He would have been asked to hand over notes and recordings to supervisors who will determine if anything traumatic happened to the mother and baby. If so, Katie will be given extra counselling — or auditing as the church calls it.”

A few Katie and Tom remainders: Some nice cooked placenta, and and addictive game in which you have to catch Tom’s Crazy Pills to keep Katie quiet during birth.

Plus little Suri Cruise has her own myspace already.

Brave Katie stayed silent [The Sun]

(Image via WOW Report)

By Miu von Furstenberg

  1. tia

    Whats up with the croc pic LOL ?? I’m glad she had the baby in a hospital and used epidural…thats much safer than what Tom was trying to do.

  2. Ldysunfyre

    Posterity, not prosperity.

  3. Don’t famous people google their baby names? –>, dedicated to the preservation of Suri Alpacas… ahem…

  4. I think it would have been funny if they named her Alpaca Cruise.

  5. Girly Girl

    Go play the game… its hilarious when you lose. The head alien comes down into her hospital room…

    God, I love high profile crazy people. :-)

  6. Pookey

    Suri also means syrup in Hindi, I was googling the other day too haha. I always thought Sarah meant princess in Hebrew but I guess T&K have the super special Hebrew baby names book.

  7. mc

    I just can’t get over what a bunch of freaks these people are…silent births? Hand signals? WTF? I’m sorry, but this kid has bigger problems than if she were have to entered the world to a screaming mom…

  8. DJH

    Epidural??!! Doesn’t Scientology frown on drug intervention?

    Bad Scientologists, Tom and Katie, bad!!

  9. DJH

    Another query….

    How long before we find out who the REAL parents of this poor child are?! And, how much where they paid?!

  10. hohum

    Now that Tom has Katie isolated again, who knows what weird rituals he’s doing on that baby.

    FACT: Normal people just do NOT even *joke* about eating placenta.

  11. Midge

    She was pregnant when she met him. She had the baby in February and faked the pregnancy for two more months. True fact.

  12. megs

    you go katie–you are a real scientologist now, i bet your parents are proud.

    it seriously makes me nauseous that he would try and stifle a woman. epidural or not, birth can still hurt like a bitch. and also figure, since he didn’t want her to have the drugs, she endured a lot of pain before taking them.

    t.c. you have a lot of nerve and no balls to back it up pal

  13. He has to “report back” on the birth .. Katie would get additional counseling? How messed up is that? The only person (people) they should be responsible to, is eachother!

  14. blahblahblah

    Midge 11.
    That’s not the first time I’ve heard that. I’ve heard that in fact it’s super sensitive Chris Klien’s baby.
    Katie literally signed up for this shit. I feel no sympathy for her whatsoever.

  15. I definatelly don’t buy that this is Tom’s kid… he’s been married 2x… he had an opt to have his own kids, and didn’t. Yeah, I know that nicole supp. can’t have kids…. but that mistery will be solved when she has the country singer’s baby. That would be the best.

    Katie is such a fool.

  16. blahblahblah

    Well what I have always found to be interesting is that everyone seems to forget that Mimi Rogers, TC’s first wife and the one who introduced him to the cult of Scientology, stated in an article that the reason her and Tom didn’t have kids is that he is sterile. Hmmm, how do you make a chick pregnant when you’re sterile?

  17. leader

    Scientology is nothing more than a religious cult.
    I can’t believe that Katie allowed herself to be sucked into it, no more than I can believe she
    would allow such absurd and sick rules dictate her life. And let’s face it, Tom Cruise is a moron, as are all the brainwashed followers of that cult.

  18. The Bat

    This kid’s blog claims the baby’s a mutant and was swapped at birth but here he seems to have changed his mind about the mutant thing.

  19. las

    blah, yeah, especially since she and Tom never had any kids, yet she had kids once they broke up. And I’ll believe Mimi above Tom-Tom (even if she is a Scientologist, she shows no signs of other insanity)

  20. Jackson

    Hand Signals – oh, I can imagine some of those…

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