Tom Cruise Needs An Image Makeover

Tom Cruise? In need of an image makeover? Whaaaa?

Our apologies for dumping such a jaw-dropping news bit on Monday morning. We were as shocked as you (heh) to find out that Tom Cruise’s handlers are a wee bit worried about his image.

Actually, we were more surprised they’re even bothering. We’d place Tom Cruise’s Image in the Lost Cause file, but they’re hell-bent on Tommy following this fool-proof plan to get the public and media on his side again. Here it goes!

1.) No more crazy cakes morning show appearances where you call newscasters “glib” and babble on about how you know the history of psychiatry. Cut it out.

2.) Please take off your sunglasses when you hit the red carpet.

3.) Also, don’t show up at premieres in fancy pants cars, and start treating your beard like a real honest-to-God wife. Quit “pulling her arm” and “dragging her around.” Remember, she is supposed to be the love of your life —  It’s called acting. Get into the role.

4.) Appear on woman-friendly shows to win back the housewife audience. All those crazy gay Scientologist rumors have leaked onto the dinner tables of Middle America and made soccer moms very weary. You’re going to pull up a chair on The View, talk about Sherri Shepherd’s feminine problems and enjoy it. (Which we know you will,)

What do you think? Is Tom Cruise back on the road to mainstream sex symbol?

View a gallery of Tom Cruise on the German talk show Wetten Dass!

 

Tom Cruise? In need of an image makeover? Whaaaa? Our
apologies for dumping such a jaw-dropping news bit on Monday morning.
We were as shocked as you (heh) to find out that Tom Cruise’s handlers
are a wee bit worried about his image.Actually, we were more surprised they’re even bothering. We’d place Tom Cruise’s Image in the Lost Cause file, but they’re hell bent on Tommy following this fool-proof plan to get the public and media on his side again. Here it goes!1.) No more crazy cakes morning show appearances where you call newscasters “glib” and babble on about how you know the history of psychiatry. Cut it out.2.) Please take off your sunglasses when you hit the red carpet.3.)
Also, don’t show up at premieres in fancy pants cars, and start treating your
beard like a real honest-to-God wife. Quit “pulling her arm” and
“dragging her around.” Remember, she is supposed to be the love of your life —  It’s called acting. Get into the role.4.)
Appear on woman-friendly shows to win back the housewife audience. All
those crazy gay Scientologist rumors have leaked onto the dinner tables
of Middle America. You’re going to pull up a chair on The View, talk
about Sherri Shepherd’s feminine problems and enjoy it. (Which we know
you will.)What do you think? Is Tom Cruise back on the road to mainstream sex symbol?
View a gallery of Tom Cruise on the German talk show Wetten Dass!