Tom Cruise Will Get You High

Dying to see aliens and tiny spaceships flying around, as you coast on warm, gentle waves of complete and utter euphoria like Tom Cruise? Well, a particular brand of medical marijuana is indicating that you can obtain Cruise-like levels of enthusiastic delusion.

Tom’s legal team is looking into claims that a strain of weed is being marketed in Northern California under the name “Tom Cruise Purple” featuring a picture of the actor laughing excitedly vials containing the stuff.

The New York Daily News couldn’t get any of the workers at clinics in California to talk about it, but they did manage to chat with a regular user, who said, “I heard it’s the kind of pot that makes you hallucinate.” I hear that if you smoke the “Katie Holmes Beige,” your ability to form your own thoughts and resist outlandish fades away and all you seem to want to do is get haircuts and do photo shoots.