Tom Cruise Should Never Sing Or Dance

March 14th, 2008 // 12 Comments

To start your weekend off right, here’s some incredibly creepy Tom Cruise footage from his Scientology birthday extravaganza in 2004. It took place on the Scientology cruise ship Freewinds. In this footage, Tom is thankful for the best birthday “ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER!” and also demonstrates his dance moves from Risky Business. This deranged slut can cut a rug. He tries to sing as well. Seagulls fell dead out of the sky at the sound.

The Church of Scientology denies reports that Tom is the second in command and some sort of prophet, but this birthday shindig cost six figures. Parishoner, my ass! He’s probably funding the whole damn church! Do you know how much Travolta’s wigs must cost? Ok, by looking at them – not much.

By J. Harvey

  1. ashley


  2. Honestly, I can’t really watch any video with him in there. Ever since his couch-jumping on Oprah, he’s scared the living bejesus out of me.

  3. Rachel

    Thank you. That clip made my day. Too funny!

  4. Barb

    Singing – terrible. Dancing – not so great. But that split he did was surprisingly good.

  5. mel

    Aww, that was back when he was actually sorta normal looking and we didn’t know how nuts he really was. But that was a half-assed caterpillar.

  6. Joxe Arkaitz

    Wow, what a surprise birthday party! They seem to be having a ball! I would have loved to be there. I don’t see anythig strange in the video by the way, just a lot of people having fun and singing and playing and dancing, which makes me happy. I don’t sing well, but I sing when I party and I love it. I love dancing too. Great video. Good for Tom! He shows he is a normal guy and he likes to have fun like any of us.

  7. SluttyMe

    That is so cringeworthy, a Total cheese-fest!
    Talk about a teacher at school disco trying to get “down with the kids” and getting it horribly, painfully wrong.

    Dont know whats worse -Cruise or the happy clappers with idiot grins

    Tom Cruise is so creepy these days, scary scary man.

  8. Jose

    Tom Cruise is without a doubt the uncoolest celeb of all time.

  9. Dee

    Whatever, I think it looks like a private birthday party. At the Oscars would he do the dancing and singing? Prob not, but I think this looks like any other kareoke birthday party footage. What I want to know is who’s rummaging through his things and finding old birthday party footage? Get a life! This is so not newsworthy or gossip worthy.

  10. Sam

    Keep looking. This wasn’t just a private birthday party; it was hosted by David Miscavige, and paid for by the Co$, and allegedly cost hundreds of thousands of dollars, and took place on the good old SS Mesothelioma, and has now been taken down by the SeeOEss. I wonder why.

    Plus of course the fact that even if the guys still think he has something going for him, most of the female half of the population can’t stand TC any more, not only because he jumps on sofas but because they can see how he treated Nicole, and Penelope, and Sofia, and Katie…

  11. elcnat


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