As a lifelong Bostonian, I am proud to have a Boston sports team be the focal point of a burgeoning scandal . It’s about time Boston threw its hat in the hot drama ring. We have drama here, but it usually only involves the citizens, like when a couple overdoses their four year old on bipolar medication and goes on trial. For instance, our state government got the Big Dig all messed up and a woman got crushed to death in a tunnel a while back. It was totally f*cked up. But because it wasn’t Jordana Brewster or someone, the rags didn’t care. Finally we have an IN! Go Red Sox! Tom Brady’s minions are saying Bridget got knocked up on purpose, and didn’t see fit to tell Tom that she was going to the papers with the announcement. You know Tom’s in Paris with Gisele right now and wishing it would all just blow over or Bridget would take a fall down some stairs. Kidding. Seriously though, Boston sports fans will turn on your ass in a dime. You could score the winning touchdown in the Superbowl carrying a crippled kid in a wheelchair on your shoulders, and if you jaywalk the next day people are catcalling at your ass on the field during next season’s opener. Tom’s gonna have some trouble shaking this one off, and he was our goddamn golden boy.
But a friend of Moynahan said, “Please. They dated for three years and they broke up in December – right around the time he found out she was pregnant and he immediately started dating Gisele Bundchen. Who’s the gross one here?” A rep for Moynahan said, “We got calls [about the pregnancy] and confirmed them, but he did get a heads-up.”
Bridget: I’m pregnant. It’s yours.
Tom: Ok. Abort.
Bridget: Hells no! You got bank, and “I, Robot” didn’t do so hot! Tell Gisele I said “heyyy!”