This is The Hooker That Robbed J. Harvey in Las Vegas on Tuesday Night After Jenna Jameson’s Party

Hi. J. Harvey here. So I was in Vegas on Tuesday to cover the party Jenna Jameson threw for her hot ass Ultimate Fighting Champion boyfriend Tito Ortiz. The party was hot, and I will post about it with exclusive pics tomorrow. But you’re probably wondering who this slapper is and why I’m posting about her assuredly STD-ridden ass.

Well, I was dumb and bitch robbed me. I had a lot of Grey Goose in me, and I left Pure around 3:45 AM. This troll rolled up on me crying and moaning how her friends left her and they wouldn’t let her into the club. And being the good Irish boy I was raised to be, I tried to console her as we walked out together. Still naive and drunk, it didn’t cross my mind that she’s grabbing up on my nuts because she’s looking to see if she can slurp me for cash. Well, seeing as I am an occasionally flaming homosexual, I demured as politely as possible. She kept tugging at em’ and I was like, uh no, really. Being a gay guy, I don’t want to see a hand with acrylic nailwork on my jock. I’d rather there be hairy knuckles. So she got the hint (“oh, you gay or somethin’, you gay or somethin’, i see i see”) but invited me to go drinking with her. Now, I was just drunk enough to say yes, because A) I like to drink and B) She was entertaining but I decided it would be better to just pass out. At this point we had made our way through the Ceasar’s parking lot in front, and she pointed out her car – a stylish white Dodge Caravan. Yes, a hooker who drives a Dodge Caravan. You gotta fit your fifteen kids by eight different men somewhere. Also I assume her vagina was so loose that she needed the room a minivan can give you to schelp it around. Anyway, I saw milady to her carriage because I’m sure she had an elegant affair to attend or had to find another dumbass whiteboy to roll or had plenty of rods lined up to blow for drug money and she gave me “one final hug, baby” and hopped in her Slutmobile and was off like a shot. With J. Harvey’s wallet.

Yeah. Cash, driver’s license, credit cards, everything. Bitch took my life with her. I want to rip her cheap-ass wig off her damn leech lazy crackhead suckfuck head and beat her with it. That’s right, I’m advocating violence against women. This one.

But bitch musta really needed the crack rock because when I’m drunk and got my little digital with me, I take a lot of pics. And I took one of her. And she still robbed me. She had the hooker sense enough to turn her face, but this is her. So if any of my faithful readers who hang out in hooker circles in Las Vegas recognize this bitch and her broke weave or her stylish jean jacket or maybe you know where one can buy press-on nails this cheap-looking in Vegas, let me know. If you wanna punch her in her damn face for me and tell her J. Harvey sends his regards and wants his shit back, feel free.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go be naive and stupid somewhere. Shit.