This is The Hooker That Robbed J. Harvey in Las Vegas on Tuesday Night After Jenna Jameson’s Party

January 25th, 2007 // 19 Comments

Hi. J. Harvey here. So I was in Vegas on Tuesday to cover the party Jenna Jameson threw for her hot ass Ultimate Fighting Champion boyfriend Tito Ortiz. The party was hot, and I will post about it with exclusive pics tomorrow. But you’re probably wondering who this slapper is and why I’m posting about her assuredly STD-ridden ass.

Well, I was dumb and bitch robbed me. I had a lot of Grey Goose in me, and I left Pure around 3:45 AM. This troll rolled up on me crying and moaning how her friends left her and they wouldn’t let her into the club. And being the good Irish boy I was raised to be, I tried to console her as we walked out together. Still naive and drunk, it didn’t cross my mind that she’s grabbing up on my nuts because she’s looking to see if she can slurp me for cash. Well, seeing as I am an occasionally flaming homosexual, I demured as politely as possible. She kept tugging at em’ and I was like, uh no, really. Being a gay guy, I don’t want to see a hand with acrylic nailwork on my jock. I’d rather there be hairy knuckles. So she got the hint (“oh, you gay or somethin’, you gay or somethin’, i see i see”) but invited me to go drinking with her. Now, I was just drunk enough to say yes, because A) I like to drink and B) She was entertaining but I decided it would be better to just pass out. At this point we had made our way through the Ceasar’s parking lot in front, and she pointed out her car – a stylish white Dodge Caravan. Yes, a hooker who drives a Dodge Caravan. You gotta fit your fifteen kids by eight different men somewhere. Also I assume her vagina was so loose that she needed the room a minivan can give you to schelp it around. Anyway, I saw milady to her carriage because I’m sure she had an elegant affair to attend or had to find another dumbass whiteboy to roll or had plenty of rods lined up to blow for drug money and she gave me “one final hug, baby” and hopped in her Slutmobile and was off like a shot. With J. Harvey’s wallet.

Yeah. Cash, driver’s license, credit cards, everything. Bitch took my life with her. I want to rip her cheap-ass wig off her damn leech lazy crackhead suckfuck head and beat her with it. That’s right, I’m advocating violence against women. This one.

But bitch musta really needed the crack rock because when I’m drunk and got my little digital with me, I take a lot of pics. And I took one of her. And she still robbed me. She had the hooker sense enough to turn her face, but this is her. So if any of my faithful readers who hang out in hooker circles in Las Vegas recognize this bitch and her broke weave or her stylish jean jacket or maybe you know where one can buy press-on nails this cheap-looking in Vegas, let me know. If you wanna punch her in her damn face for me and tell her J. Harvey sends his regards and wants his shit back, feel free.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go be naive and stupid somewhere. Shit.

By J. Harvey

  1. Who Cares

    If she REALLY did the things you claim she did why not post the picture without the red line? I mean, how damaging could it be? If you were smart you filed a police report… right?

  2. stuck in vegas hell

    i live in vegas (all my life) and good luck trying to get an id on that chick, there’s SO many hookers that resemble her cheap weave.
    be more careful next time!

  3. mg

    That sucks. I’m sorry, J. Harvey. Next time stay true to your homo self and keep a hooker’s hands far away from you! I hope you get all your stuff sorted out. What a bitch she is.

  4. Awwwhellnaw

    I hope she dies of gonorrhea and rots in hell… along with Dan Marino… what a bitch!

  5. Evilbitch

    Karma, baby…karma! :-P

  6. katie

    Sucks that that happened, but I gotta hand it to ya, you tell a great story!

    Good writing and very entertaining!

  7. Jules

    J Harvey

    Excellent story but really, don’t you know better than to hook up with scary strangers in Vegas? Come on, that is the first rule of safe partying in sleazy Vegas.

  8. Kitty

    Well if that isn’t an advertisement for AA I don’t know what is! Keep up the good work and don’t feel could have been worse. You could have been sober…it could have been a hot guy that played you or a small child skipping rope. So, have a cocktail and hope that she tries to use a card and gets caught!

  9. C

    Oh no! Having been ripped off before, I feel your pain. It’s so violating, is it not? And especially so when you were friendly to the person! Poor J. Sometimes it pays to be mean to strangers.

  10. Dana

    I’m so so sorry for you! I hope you get at least your license back – you can cancel the credit cards. :(

  11. cdawg

    j. you don’t have to use the bar to hide her face, go right ahead and show her. (i’m a lawyer and this bitch is what is called newsworthy – go for it!)

  12. Vee in the Dee

    I have also been robbed (though not by a hooker) and just be glad that there were 4-5 guys waiting in the van to do some serious damage to you. Others have not been so lucky.

  13. Vee in the Dee

    post the bitch on or

  14. King of Chips

    The joke’s on her! This what she found in J.Harvey’s wallet:

    1. Prescription bottles for Hydrocodone, a painkiller similar to OxyContin used to manage anxiety disorders, post-party sleep aid Ambien and the herpes medication Valtrex.

    2. medical bill from a Los Angeles clinic, billing an “Amber Taylor” – with the same birth date as Paris – for a miscarriage in March 2003.

    3. A journal analyzing his booze-fueled dreams.

    4. Several bank statements, including one with an ending monthly balance of just $9.26.

    5. Autographed photo of Bob Vila that says “Cabo was wonderful”

    6. a JP Licks frequent buyers card.

    Great story Harv…glad you’re OK! stay away from the the sluts! and the Goose – it only leads to trouble…next thing you know you’ll be hunched over a guardrail somewhere near a big metal bridge!

  15. Joya

    POST HER FACE!!!! I’m saying… it’s basically a news report right? So its legal…

  16. Roosta

    I’d hit that. Fo reals.

  17. Jim Belushi

    Hey fag, serves you right.

  18. B.SophiaLoren

    YOU’RE HILARIOUS. If you ever are in Houston, I’ve got a friend for you. I know blind dates suck, but it’ll be worth it.
    I hope the AIDs takes her home.

  19. Pharm63

    Very nice site!

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