They Should Be So Lucky

Britney’s divorce attorney has asked that the details of the custody split between the former Federlines be kept secret. She says that the actual document contains schedules and locations and what not and someone could swipe the kids. Britney’s kids have asked that all details be publicized in hopes that someone stable with better haircare skills will take them. K-Fed merely said “yo shawty, you like weed?”

Attorney Laura Wasser asked the judge this afternoon to seal the child custody portion of the divorce between Spears and Kevin Federline. In her declaration, Wasser wrote that the document — which divides custody 50/50 — details the specific timeshare schedule and transportation matters. Wasser fears if the document becomes public, the media would have “a greater ability to ascertain the physical whereabouts of the minor children.”

Wasser wrote: “Such information greatly increases the chances that the actions of the media could threaten the safety of the minor children by, for example, causing a traffic accident or by exposing the minor children to criminals who might target the minor children for financial gain.” Wasser did not use the word ‘kidnapping,’ but the intimation was certainly there.

The judge okayed this, pending a hearing next month. And he also agreed to seal the child support details as well. This seems prudent, but does Britney have any money left? Judging by the clothes, it’s doubtful. Or maybe she’s being frugal about the clothes, so she has money for child support and possible kidnapping attempts? No, there’s no way she’s that rational. But in her defense, I hear she’s aces at the mechanical bull! She didn’t drop that Red Bull can once!