The Real Housewives of Orange County: Quickie

The odious, power-mad, pinwheel-eyed Vicki recovered from her football injury long enough to meet overworked daughter Briana for a drink. Briana works a lot and it shows in her hair. It also shows in her eyes that Vicki has terrorized her ass all her life. Vicki professes that she would kill herself if Briana was killed, and asks Briana if she would do the same. Briana manages to mask her “hells no, crazy bitch” behind her wine glass. Vicki is maternal terrorism personified, especially when Briana says she loves her dog more than her mother. The dog’s nicer.

Gretchen
is playing an extra in some singer’s video in LA. So she made her dying fiance’s kids come over to watch over him while she puts her hair in curlers on a video set. That was vile, she does seem to actually care about her guy besides the money she’s going to be receiving. Her friend’s video looks like a precursor to porn. “Do you want to finish this bottle and go to my room? Sasha’s going to come with us….” Gretchen gets judged by Tamra for going to Bass Lake when Jeff was in ICU. I see Tamra’s point, but mind your bidness, Tam Tam. Gretchen freaks.

Tamra learns that her idiot son got his lip tattooed to say “nugget” to commemorate an ex-girlfriend’s miscarriage. This kid is the worst person on the show. Vicki would be preferable a desert island companion over this douche. During his interview about his lost child, he drinks Corona and reasons that it’s better the baby died because he’s not with the girl anymore. Why get the tattoo if you felt that way, then, you big douchey attention whore? Stupid, arrogant and sociopathic is a bad combination for a human being. Can there be a gas explosion in this house?  

Kickboxing, underage drinking enabler Lynne reveals that she’s uptight about her age. Perhaps she should stop roasting her body on a UV table on a daily basis. Lynne reveals that her husband had cancer like Gretchen’s dude and lived. This seems nice but it’s totally to avoid revealing her age to Gretchen. Lynne’s daughter Raquel is having a birthday dress breakdown. So Lynne yells through a window at her daughters and drives away. The other daughter Alexa looks like she’s on the ho stroll with HER dress, and her bf tells her so. Oops. Her mother tells her it’s a “classy” dress. Oh, Mom.  Lynne has dinner with the OC wives, and tells them to stop talking about their kids. Vicki hates her. Of course. Lynne hates her back. Are we going to Atlanta soon?

Jeana’s daughter Kara is discovering being on her own costs money. So she realizes she might have to get a job. I almost change the channel. When will Orange County sink into the ocean? It’s Kara’s first job. Sad. She’s working at Glitter Girl? It’s not a strip joint. Glitter Girl’s proprietor is more turkey basted than Lynne. Kara is annoyed that her new boss thinks she’s spoiled. She is. The new boss’ body may be crusty but her brain isn’t.


The odious, power-mad, pinwheel-eyed Vicki recovered from her
football injury long enough to meet overworked daughter Briana for a
drink. Briana works a lot and it shows in her hair. It also shows in
her eyes that Vicki has terrorized her ass all her life. Vicki
professes that she would kill herself if Briana was killed, and asks
Briana if she would do the same. Briana manages to mask her “hells no,
crazy bitch” behind her wine glass. Vicki is maternal terrorism
personified, especially when Briana says she loves her dog more than
her mother. The dog’s nicer. Gretchen is playing an
extra in some singer’s video in LA. So she made her dying fiance’s kids
come over to watch over him while she puts her hair in curlers on a
video set. That was vile, she does seem to actually care about her guy
besides the money she’s going to be receiving. Her friend’s video looks
like a precursor to porn. “Do you want to finish this bottle and go to
my room? Sasha’s going to come with us….” Gretchen gets judged by
Tamra for going to Bass Lake when Jeff was in ICU. I see Tamra’s point,
but mind your bidness, Tam Tam. Gretchen freaks.Tamra
learns that her idiot son got his lip tattooed to say “nugget” to
commemorate an ex-girlfriend’s miscarriage. This kid is the worst
person on the show. Vicki would be preferable a desert island companion
over this douche. During his interview about his lost child, he drinks
Corona and reasons that it’s better the baby died because he’s not with
the girl anymore. Why get the tattoo if you felt that way, then, you
big douchey attention whore? Stupid, arrogant and sociopathic is a bad
combination for a human being. Can there be a gas explosion in this
house?   Kickboxing, underage drinking enabler Lynne
reveals that she’s uptight about her age. Perhaps she should stop
roasting her body on a UV table on a daily basis. Lynne reveals that
her husband had cancer like Gretchen’s dude and lived. This seems nice
but it’s totally to avoid revealing her age to Gretchen. Lynne’s
daughter Raquel is having a birthday dress breakdown. So Lynne yells
through a window at her daughters and drives away. The other daughter
Alexa looks like she’s on the ho stroll with HER dress, and her bf
tells her so. Oops. Her mother tells her it’s a “classy” dress. Oh,
Mom.  Lynne has dinner with the OC wives, and tells them to stop
talking about their kids. Vicki hates her. Of course. Lynne hates her
back. Are we going to Atlanta soon?Jeana’s daughter Kara
is discovering being on her own costs money. So she realizes she might
have to get a job. I almost change the channel. When will Orange County
sink into the ocean? It’s Kara’s first job. Sad. She’s working at
Glitter Girl? It’s not a strip joint. Glitter Girl’s proprietor is more
turkey basted than Lynne. Kara is annoyed that her new boss thinks
she’s spoiled. She is. The new boss’ body may be crusty but her brain
isn’t.