The Real Housewives of Orange County: Quickie

December 31st, 2008 // 13 Comments

The odious, power-mad, pinwheel-eyed Vicki recovered from her football injury long enough to meet overworked daughter Briana for a drink. Briana works a lot and it shows in her hair. It also shows in her eyes that Vicki has terrorized her ass all her life. Vicki professes that she would kill herself if Briana was killed, and asks Briana if she would do the same. Briana manages to mask her “hells no, crazy bitch” behind her wine glass. Vicki is maternal terrorism personified, especially when Briana says she loves her dog more than her mother. The dog’s nicer.

Gretchen
is playing an extra in some singer’s video in LA. So she made her dying fiance’s kids come over to watch over him while she puts her hair in curlers on a video set. That was vile, she does seem to actually care about her guy besides the money she’s going to be receiving. Her friend’s video looks like a precursor to porn. “Do you want to finish this bottle and go to my room? Sasha’s going to come with us….” Gretchen gets judged by Tamra for going to Bass Lake when Jeff was in ICU. I see Tamra’s point, but mind your bidness, Tam Tam. Gretchen freaks.

Tamra learns that her idiot son got his lip tattooed to say “nugget” to commemorate an ex-girlfriend’s miscarriage. This kid is the worst person on the show. Vicki would be preferable a desert island companion over this douche. During his interview about his lost child, he drinks Corona and reasons that it’s better the baby died because he’s not with the girl anymore. Why get the tattoo if you felt that way, then, you big douchey attention whore? Stupid, arrogant and sociopathic is a bad combination for a human being. Can there be a gas explosion in this house?  

Kickboxing, underage drinking enabler Lynne reveals that she’s uptight about her age. Perhaps she should stop roasting her body on a UV table on a daily basis. Lynne reveals that her husband had cancer like Gretchen’s dude and lived. This seems nice but it’s totally to avoid revealing her age to Gretchen. Lynne’s daughter Raquel is having a birthday dress breakdown. So Lynne yells through a window at her daughters and drives away. The other daughter Alexa looks like she’s on the ho stroll with HER dress, and her bf tells her so. Oops. Her mother tells her it’s a “classy” dress. Oh, Mom.  Lynne has dinner with the OC wives, and tells them to stop talking about their kids. Vicki hates her. Of course. Lynne hates her back. Are we going to Atlanta soon?

Jeana‘s daughter Kara is discovering being on her own costs money. So she realizes she might have to get a job. I almost change the channel. When will Orange County sink into the ocean? It’s Kara’s first job. Sad. She’s working at Glitter Girl? It’s not a strip joint. Glitter Girl’s proprietor is more turkey basted than Lynne. Kara is annoyed that her new boss thinks she’s spoiled. She is. The new boss’ body may be crusty but her brain isn’t.


The odious, power-mad, pinwheel-eyed Vicki recovered from her
football injury long enough to meet overworked daughter Briana for a
drink. Briana works a lot and it shows in her hair. It also shows in
her eyes that Vicki has terrorized her ass all her life. Vicki
professes that she would kill herself if Briana was killed, and asks
Briana if she would do the same. Briana manages to mask her “hells no,
crazy bitch” behind her wine glass. Vicki is maternal terrorism
personified, especially when Briana says she loves her dog more than
her mother. The dog’s nicer. Gretchen is playing an
extra in some singer’s video in LA. So she made her dying fiance’s kids
come over to watch over him while she puts her hair in curlers on a
video set. That was vile, she does seem to actually care about her guy
besides the money she’s going to be receiving. Her friend’s video looks
like a precursor to porn. “Do you want to finish this bottle and go to
my room? Sasha’s going to come with us….” Gretchen gets judged by
Tamra for going to Bass Lake when Jeff was in ICU. I see Tamra’s point,
but mind your bidness, Tam Tam. Gretchen freaks.Tamra
learns that her idiot son got his lip tattooed to say “nugget” to
commemorate an ex-girlfriend’s miscarriage. This kid is the worst
person on the show. Vicki would be preferable a desert island companion
over this douche. During his interview about his lost child, he drinks
Corona and reasons that it’s better the baby died because he’s not with
the girl anymore. Why get the tattoo if you felt that way, then, you
big douchey attention whore? Stupid, arrogant and sociopathic is a bad
combination for a human being. Can there be a gas explosion in this
house?   Kickboxing, underage drinking enabler Lynne
reveals that she’s uptight about her age. Perhaps she should stop
roasting her body on a UV table on a daily basis. Lynne reveals that
her husband had cancer like Gretchen’s dude and lived. This seems nice
but it’s totally to avoid revealing her age to Gretchen. Lynne’s
daughter Raquel is having a birthday dress breakdown. So Lynne yells
through a window at her daughters and drives away. The other daughter
Alexa looks like she’s on the ho stroll with HER dress, and her bf
tells her so. Oops. Her mother tells her it’s a “classy” dress. Oh,
Mom.  Lynne has dinner with the OC wives, and tells them to stop
talking about their kids. Vicki hates her. Of course. Lynne hates her
back. Are we going to Atlanta soon?Jeana‘s daughter Kara
is discovering being on her own costs money. So she realizes she might
have to get a job. I almost change the channel. When will Orange County
sink into the ocean? It’s Kara’s first job. Sad. She’s working at
Glitter Girl? It’s not a strip joint. Glitter Girl’s proprietor is more
turkey basted than Lynne. Kara is annoyed that her new boss thinks
she’s spoiled. She is. The new boss’ body may be crusty but her brain
isn’t.

By J. Harvey
asl

  1. Cheesy

    You left out the best friggin’ part! The “some singer” is Jo De La Rosa, and her grimy slime buddy Slade!

    And even WITH all the crap they can do in a studio, she STILL can’t sing!

  2. Me

    Tamara was very rude to say that and then it shows next week’s episode and she’s still talking about it. I think she’s just a trouble maker, Vicki is a freak, Jena needs to lose weight, and Lynne is odd.

  3. moptop

    All these women are dreadful. Dreadful looking and dreadful acting. They all look rode hard, put up wet, and VERY orange. My 21-year old daughter dresses more modestly than these folks. We love to watch them and laugh our asses off! Jeana has a borderline personality disorder, enough said about Vickie, poor Tamra and that awful son,…the list goes on. Oh, and their boobs!! Do they think they look good??! These poor women are delusional.

  4. JessaB

    Don’t forget that when Tamara cried TWICE on the show her face didn’t move. In fact, when her son was telling her about his little nugget her face looked the same as it did when she got that Rolex last season — permanently stiffened. Definitely not frowny like it should have been.

  5. dina

    1. they all spoiled their children and are raising selfish, greedy, insensitive asses. (lynne, tamra, jeana – pay extra attention here…)
    2. vicky needs therapy to stop sucking the life out of her kids and bolstering her ego with money to fulfill her emptiness. WOOHOO
    3. briana is the only one who seems like a normal person.
    4. They keep talking about gretchen being there 99% of the time to take care of jeff, but so far I’ve only seen her at video shoots, boats, and restaurants.
    5. These overtanned and plastic women look ridiculous.
    6. i love this train-wreck of a show! LOL

  6. MaryBeth

    I think Vicki has some really mental issues… Like why be with her husband Don?

    Every chance she gets she insults him… what kind of marriage is that. She also has some BIG FAT EGO need for ATTNETION. …. very needy. Here husband Don is a gracious man… I am sure thousands of women out there would not mind having him in their life.

    She behaves like a very low class person. She needs some ediquiet lessons from that New York HW that KNOW how to be a lade.

    I am hoping Vicki will leave the show…

  7. Jackle

    Many of the women are so self-centered. They say they love their children.. but they USE their children like toys in their sick games. This makes great TV.. but is sad if this is their real life.

    These people need THINGS to make them feel full.. funny thing… they only know how to BUY LOVE… not TRULY GIVE LOVE… there is a big difference.

    Out of all them,I think Jena is the only one who is very well balanced.

    Again Vicki’s son… over 21 should not be DEMANDED by mom about family vacations…. Vicki is a spoiled brat.. in an adult body. Vickie is a sad person. She needs to GET A REAL LIFE…

    Gretican and Jeff… I feel sad for Jeff… Grethican is a GOLD DIGGER.. she should had been in ICU with him… I am sorry… if someone is dying you do not leave their side for 4th of July parties…. Video’s shoots… and parties… and calling him telling hime about what he was missing at the 4th of July party was RUDE and SICK…

    I hope Jeff recovers and finds a REAL NICE women who is there for the RIGHT reason.

  8. Sabrina Bitmayl

    Kara’s new boss does not think she is spoiled. I believe that Kara is a very intelligent and ambitious young lady with a very bright future. I take pride in mentoring Kara and providing her with the freedom to be a key member of my team and trust her decision making abilities. In regards to Glitter Girl being her first job, well I believe she was #1 of her HS graduating class and accomplished getting accepted to Berkley, so I agree with her concentrating on her grades and accomplishing a commendable task, that to me is not sad!
    I hold Kara with high regards and commend her mother on raising an excellent young lady. Take a minute to talk to her and you will gain the respect for her that I do. Perhaps you should come in and see what a great concept Kara came up with for Glitter Girl. http://www.GlitterGirl.Biz.
    Thank you for taking your time to write about us.

  9. dorothydesano

    i feel the producers made a mistake not having Quinn back. She is refreshing and real. I think you should take a good look and think hard about it. dorothydesano

  10. Judy

    These are some of the best comments that I have read.Just to add my stuff…….
    It was queezy making and sad to see Jeff on a reality show, or should I say Unreality show at that time in his fragile life.Why would someone
    participate in these shows when they have close ones suffering,anyway?Didn’t Slade have a very sick son,too?…Vicky is difficult to watch.She knows good family values ,but she suffocates the life force with her overbearing behaviorisms.Lynne just seems kind of sweet and kind of lax at times.I think she is over her head
    with the falseness and the premise of the show.To be very honest with you,all of these housewives on each show in each location are somehow dreadful and hard to stomach.

  11. Donna

    Vickie she is the QUEEN remeber LEONA HEMSLEY the hotal queen she needed so much attention and she would work like crazy she thouth that money was every thing and that money made her better she was a nut job but I like Vickie , but Tamara I think she could be taken out the program please…

  12. Donna

    Vickie she is the QUEEN remeber LEONA HEMSLEY the hotal queen she needed so much attention and she would work like crazy she thouth that money was every thing and that money made her better she was a nut job but I like Vickie , but Tamara I think she could be taken out the program please…

  13. KIm

    Gotta say girls, after watching a full season, can’t stand Tamara or Vicki they are just washed up wanna be’s!!! Gretchen is young and beautiful, all the things they use to be. I’m 44 so I’m no young chicken but I had my time. Those women are wrinkled, botoxed and their boob jobs are ugly at this time. Grow up!!! YOUR OLD AND WASHED give Gretchen her day in the sun. Stop! Just stop, I thought you two were beautiful until you showed your true colors! OLD AND GRAY BABY!! There is no amount of surgery to bring it back so get over it! You treated all the other woman like they were beneath you! Have the two of you looked in the mirror lately? Time to get another lift! seriously!!!

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