The Person Who Takes The 2007 ASL B.S. Awards Number One Slot Is …

December 31st, 2007 // 8 Comments

Britney Spears! We are counting down the top 10 people who the ASL editors, Lisa Timmons and J. Harvey would love to Bitch Slap for their behavior in the past year. Here is the rest of the top ten.

1. Dear Britney,

2007. It was your year. The year of the hillbilly. The year of the Red Bull can. The year of children not in carseats. The year of bad wigs and shaven heads. The year of living in hotels when you had a house. It was the year of detonating what, up until now, had been a skyrocket of a career. it was the year of seducing the paparazzi. It was the year of attacking the paparazzi. A year of self-delusion. A year without seeking anyone’s opinion but your own and it being very evident. A year of fast food and bad skin. A year when you made your scrub ex-husband look ,well, normal.

It was the year we realized that you might have some mental issues. A year that we realized that you used to have handlers, managers and boundaries at every step of the way since you were 16, and that you nixed them all. A year that we saw the result. It was a year that you went dangerously out of control and became the punchline to everyone’s joke.

Who knows what next year will bring you. A nephew or a niece, true. But clarity? Reality? Sanity?

We can still see the adorable pop princess inside. Take some pills, talk to someone, center yourself, get some help and let her out in 2008! And stop with the frappucinos. Please.

Check out the Britney Spears 2007 photo gallery featuring over 130 photos after the jump. The Top 10 Bitch Slap Awards listees are here.

(Hint – Right-click on the image thumbnails with your mouse to open them in a new tab or window.)

By J. Harvey
asl

  1. Janepitt

    So freaking predictable.

  2. Deborah

    Who else could it be??? Starting from New Years Eve 2007 the girl was everywhere — deliberately — in one media trainwreck or another. Thank god those babies were taken away from her, now if only her Mother (the stellar parenting author) would strap on a spine and have Britney committed for serious psychiatric care there might be a chance for the girl to get her life on track before it’s too late.

  3. eme

    The year of gas station bathrooms.

  4. massmom

    If Britney reads your post she’s probably going to be stumped at the word “detonating” but with any luck maybe she’ll skip that word and read the rest of your post. With every reported Britney event I kept hoping that she would jump up and scream “Hah, the joke is on all of y’all – I’m not crazy, it was all for the publicity!!!” But it never happened. She’s really just a sad, lonely, uneducated girl who has been used by everyone around her. Let’s hope she finds herself in 2008, even if her career is lost forever, maybe she will regain her sanity and health, and become a real mother to those kids.

  5. clark

    and please, PLEASE, PLEASE, get rid of those damn boots!!! Hideous! the one pair that she wears with everything

  6. Val

    Wow! What a unique and refreshing way to end your painfully predictable BS awards! Who on earth would have thought you would have selected Britney Spears for the number one spot! I mean, honestly, how dare a celebrity have problems, have a legitimate disease and be stupid enough to try to live her own life. Damn her for being human and not perfect. I mean, who else could you POSSIBLY have used besides Britney? Screw Christina Aguilera and her disgusting abuse of the MAC counter! Forget OJ Simpson and the absolute ridiculousness that has become HIS life! And Jessica Alba, why her ego and narcissism should be saved for Maxim, should it not? Well…maybe not after being preggo. Lord knows the hounds will attack if she’s not in Fantastic Four physique 2.3 days after delivering. And let’s CERTAINLY forget the arrogance and mean spirited Heidi Klum with her vicious words and flippancy towards the less plastic-er, pulled together than she…
    I am by no means trying to validate Britney or her behavior these past 12 months. She has inarguably done some stupid, stupid shit. However, after going through the drama she has this year, I think it would be fair for all of us to cut her a little slack. I thank god whenever I see her on a magazine cover that my life isn’t full of paparazzi WAITING for me to fall, a vomit inducing ex-husband (father of the year, you’re JOKING, right?) and some painful family problems…. We have ALL been there.

  7. Val

    Wow! What a unique and refreshing way to end your painfully predictable BS awards! Who on earth would have thought you would have selected Britney Spears for the number one spot! I mean, honestly, how dare a celebrity have problems, have a legitimate disease and be stupid enough to try to live her own life. Damn her for being human and not perfect. I mean, who else could you POSSIBLY have used besides Britney? Screw Christina Aguilera and her disgusting abuse of the MAC counter! Forget OJ Simpson and the absolute ridiculousness that has become HIS life! And Jessica Alba, why her ego and narcissism should be saved for Maxim, should it not? Well…maybe not after being preggo. Lord knows the hounds will attack if she’s not in Fantastic Four physique 2.3 days after delivering. And let’s CERTAINLY forget the arrogance and mean spirited Heidi Klum with her vicious words and flippancy towards the less plastic-er, pulled together than she…
    I am by no means trying to validate Britney or her behavior these past 12 months. She has inarguably done some stupid, stupid shit. However, after going through the drama she has this year, I think it would be fair for all of us to cut her a little slack. I thank god whenever I see her on a magazine cover that my life isn’t full of paparazzi WAITING for me to fall, a vomit inducing ex-husband (father of the year, you’re JOKING, right?) and some painful family problems…. We have ALL been there.

  8. Val

    Wow! What a unique and refreshing way to end your painfully predictable BS awards! Who on earth would have thought you would have selected Britney Spears for the number one spot! I mean, honestly, how dare a celebrity have problems, have a legitimate disease and be stupid enough to try to live her own life. Damn her for being human and not perfect. I mean, who else could you POSSIBLY have used besides Britney? Screw Christina Aguilera and her disgusting abuse of the MAC counter! Forget OJ Simpson and the absolute ridiculousness that has become HIS life! And Jessica Alba, why her ego and narcissism should be saved for Maxim, should it not? Well…maybe not after being preggo. Lord knows the hounds will attack if she’s not in Fantastic Four physique 2.3 days after delivering. And let’s CERTAINLY forget the arrogance and mean spirited Heidi Klum with her vicious words and flippancy towards the less plastic-er, pulled together than she…
    I am by no means trying to validate Britney or her behavior these past 12 months. She has inarguably done some stupid, stupid shit. However, after going through the drama she has this year, I think it would be fair for all of us to cut her a little slack. I thank god whenever I see her on a magazine cover that my life isn’t full of paparazzi WAITING for me to fall, a vomit inducing ex-husband (father of the year, you’re JOKING, right?) and some painful family problems…. We have ALL been there.

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