No, this isn’t Paris Hilton singing a song. Comic Mark Manne has written a virtually humor free song called “Everything That is Wrong with America Today (a.k.a. The Paris Hilton Song).” Call me humorless, but wanting to hit someone in the face with a bat is just not funny (even if it is Paris Hilton).
Manne performed the snarky acoustic ballad at the Laugh Factory last weekend. Among Manne’s lyrical highlights: “Paris, I want to hit you in the face with a bat/Because you pampered your dog, then got rid of her when she got fat/Paris Hilton, why did they name you after that city?/’Cause Scranton Hilton has got a nice ring, a nice ring to me/Paris, do you sleep on a big pile of cash?/You must have paid the studio some money to put you in the ‘House of Wax’/'Cause you got no talent, you can’t act, and you can’t sing/You’re not that pretty, you’re not that hot, you’re not even interesting/You’re so mean, all bathed in green, a sex machine, until your cellphone rings, until your cellphone rings/Paris Hilton, why do I even know your name?/Is it the short skirts? No! ‘The Simple Life’? No! It’s cause you’ll have sex with anything/You’re so mean, all bathed in green, an amateur porno queen/Go away, just go away from here, go away.”
Acoustic Comic Burns Paris [Page Six]
(Images via Gossip Rocks)