The O’Neal Family’s a Little Dysfunctional

February 6th, 2007 // 8 Comments

(Flynet)

So, Ryan O’Neal’s sorta-cracked out daughter Tatum is using the recent handgun incident to make sure everyone knows she hates her Dad. She’s claiming Griffin O’Neal was just trying to protect Redmond (Ryan’s son with Farrah Fawcett) and her Dad’s a liar .

But O’Neal’s daughter, Tatum, who was not present during the incident, said it was Griffin who was trying to protect Redmond.

“No matter what my dad is saying in the press, Griffin was not trying to start a fight with him,” she told the program “Entertainment Tonight” Monday. “He was attempting to protect Redmond.”

Hassman said Tatum had only gotten Griffin’s account, since she and her father had not spoken for years.

Whee! Hassman is O’Neal’s manager. Tatum is HATING on her daddy. I know a bunch of you out there are like who the f*ck are these people? Do they know Paris or Lindsay? Well, no. But they’re an interesting dynasty of mess. Being a pop culture/cinema buff, I’ll break it down for you. Keep reading.

Dramatis Personae -

Ryan O’Neal: Previous hot-ass actor who was big in the 60′s and 70′s. He was in Love Story with Ali McGraw which was like the “Titanic” of it’s era. Mainly a previously pretty face with limited acting ability. Kinda like say, Ryan Phillipe. He ended up hooking up with Farrah Fawcett and having a kid. He’s always been a little loopy.

Griffin O’Neal: His son, 40-something. Shiftless, likes drugs. Perfect example of Hollywood rich kid who’s accomplished zero.

Tatum O’Neal: Ryan’s daughter. Won an Oscar as a kid alongside him in Paper Moon. Perfect example of a coulda-been. But then she married this angry tennis star, and kinda gave it up, and started doing crack when the marriage ended. She’s a little loopy, too. But in the past couple of years has made a comeback of sorts with roles on Sex and the City and Rescue Me. Doesn’t talk to her Dad.

Redmond O’Neal: Ryan and Farrah Fawcett’s son. Young. Likes drugs, too. I know, I’m as shocked as you are.

Farrah Fawcett: Queen supreme! Charlie’s Angel. Went nutty in her menopause. Painted for Playboy with her ass. Went on Letterman out her damn mind on dolls. O’Neal’s ex but sorta reconciled with him during her illness. Recently beat cancer. Yay!

Put em’ all in a blender and add a handgun and a fireplace poker and voila – cops! It’s like Christmas with the Harveys, except we tend to drink more and are not so much into the pills. Usually. Now where’s my Percocet?

By J. Harvey
asl

  1. magnus

    That was great! You broke down the Tatum’s so a lay person could understand. You should do a regular breakdown on all these celebs who cheated on who got back with this person and ended up in rehab.

  2. Big Socialite's Life Fan

    I agree, that was great. Please do more breakdowns!

  3. dondadav

    Yes, very good break down. But Tatum made her come back with Sex and the City and Rescue Me. Not The Shield. Although they are both FX shows, so its close. I still love you though, J.

  4. Tatum is doing a really abysmal night time soap called Wicked Wicked Ways, I think. I’ve never watched it, only seen the promos and it looks over the top not even campy fun in a Dynasty sort of way.

    Paper Moon is a really great movie, though.

    And wow, what a fun family the O’Neals are. Sort of like the Brando’s Lite.

  5. rootabega

    i smell a new feature…..

  6. maureen

    Plus, they’re Irish, so, it’s sort of expected.

  7. Hil-F*CKIN-arious!!!!!

    J, you have outdone yourself with this post!

  8. uh “Maureen”…stereotype much?

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