The Hoff Got The Kids

Jesus, how bad was the mom then? David Hasselhoff was given custody of his kids today, presumably because he needed more camera people to film him trying to eat various foods while intoxicated. You saw the hamburger vid, right? Not pretty.

After randomly proclaiming today “a beautiful day to go the beach,” Hoff told the media, “The judge said today ‘enough, enough is enough, these children have been through enough.'” Hoff then discussed his beach plans, and never one to let an opportunity slip through his fingers — used the attention to plug “America’s Got Talent.”

Moments after the judge’s decision, Hoff’s ex-wife Pamela Bach was spotted crying in the hallway. She was overheard telling her lawyer Debra Opri, “What am I gonna say? I just lost my kids.” Opri then escorted Bach into the restroom, where they remained for several minutes. A short time later, Bach appeared in front of the media with her game face on — keeping her composure as she smiled and waved.

What you’re gonna say is “I just lost my kids to a BLAZING alcoholic so what the hell am I doing wrong in MY life?” Seriously, begin questioning yourself. This bitch must have been locking the kids in the attic because she couldn’t get the inheritance if grandpa knew she had kids. For god’s sakes, the Hoff couldn’t get a hamburger in his drunk mouth and got custody. Jesus wept.