Ugh. The stars were all on their best behavior Oscar night and wearing the outfits that their sensible mothers laid out for them to wear, so it was really hard to find stuff to pick on.
Lisa Timmons: I feel like we might have seen LaToya Jackson at the Oscars, if she hadn’t spotted Sally Kirkland rocking the exact outfit she had been planning to sport on the red carpet and rather than risk the embarrassment of the two of them looking like some bizarro world Olsen Twins, she figured it would be best to stay at home.
Jay Harvey: Absolutely ravishing. She’s prepared for take-off. Rock on, Sal.
Cara Harrington: Sally Kirkland was just plain offensive. I had to poke out my mind’s eye after seeing her “Joseph and the Technicolor Dream Coat” meets Lil’ Kim ensemble. I shudder at the thought of how much tape is being used to hold everything together. There wasn’t one element of acceptability. Poor ol’ girl.
The other fashion victims are after the jump.
Lisa Timmons: Here’s the problem: I love this dress. I have this secret, trashy love-affair going on with animal prints. Something that I pretty much only reveal to my most trusted of friends, but I just can’t help it. Kelly’s skin, hair, make-up and bod are just all rocking. I do wish her accessories would have been a bolder color–a chocolate brown, black or even red (yes, I went there), but I’m sorry, I am seriously loving the hell out of this look. The manicure is on point too.
Jay Harvey: Rraaaooww! My husband’s gay. Rrrraaaoooww! He picked out this outfit. Rrraaoooww! Never let a gay Scientologist pick out your outfit.
Cara Harrington: Kelly Preston took a hold of her inner animal and ran with it. I am not a fan of the animal print to begin with. The overall style of the dress was flattering, but somewhere in the land of fabrics she took a wrong turn at Risky and Tacky when she probably should have went down Bold Color Boulevard.
Philip Seymour Hoffman
Lisa Timmons: Finally, something I can work with. Seymour Phillip Hoffman is one of my favorite actors, but why does he insist on dressing like he’s a photo negative? Additionally, his hair is always just so slightly mussed, that I can’t help but think (because I’ve only seen “Happiness” like a million times) that he was off doing something very naughty in the corner right before he had to go rush on stage.
Jay Harvey: Oh, Philly. I love ya dearly, I do. But wash that salad. You’re a hot, cuddly bear. Stop looking like the guy who lives in his Mom’s basement, playing with the Wii and binging on Krispy Kremes.
Cara Harrington: So much talent and so little time to comb your hair. What a tragedy. It’s the Oscars man, pull yourself together! The tie was about the only acceptable piece of style. I know that he isn’t Brad Pitt, but a little effort goes a long way.
See, this is another case where I do really like the dress and the entire look in general. But that might also have something to do with my relief that she didn’t simply show up on the red carpet, swathed in the Union Jack.
Jay Harvey: She deigned to step foot in America? And she wasn’t even nominated. Did all of Britain start crying when her plane left? She’s like the anti-ambasssador for the U.S. to Britain. Ass. Nevermind the dress, wipe that smug look off your face.
Cara Harrington: Gwyneth Paltrow looked so-so. The dress was ho-hum and the color just didn’t compliment her. Paired with bright red lips it was beyond repair. The Egyptian flair that covered one of Madge’s old corsets was disappointing. Perhaps if she went with a more tone friendly color she too could have made a best dressed list.
Lisa Timmons: Tyra Banks thought it would be funny to play a prank on her old friend, Jay Manuel, and sent him an Evite to make it look like the Oscars was really a “Gone With The Wind” costume party. His self-satisfied smile reflects the fact that despite his fear that every guy on the red carpet was going to be wearing their Rhett Butler costume, he’s the only one who managed to perfectly recreate that look.
Jay Harvey: Girl, sit down. This ain’t a bullfight. Thanks for looking a little less orange, though.
Cara Harrington: Jay Manuel, what in the land of X-Men is going on with your hair. It’s ironic that the style connoisseur for E! looks like Batman’s secret drag queen butler. Atrocious doesn’t even begin to break the edge on what was going on with his garb. His makeup was something you’d see on a Bratz doll. No, no, no.
Lisa Timmons: As for Jennifer Hudson, I have an addiction to chocolate brown, so was LOVING the dress. It was so nice and flowy and gathered in all the right places for a truly flattering fit. But then you have these two glaring aspects–a strange little golden cape that it looks like she borrowed from one of the Pointer Sisters, and the pockets in the dress. I don’t know what the parking situation was there at the Kodak Theatre, but I am telling you, there is no good excuse for carrying around change in your Oscar dress. Oh yes, and the make-up is divine. Now go on and do your Neutron Dance.
Jay Harvey: Hopefully she has a pistol in one of those pockets to shoot the person who put her in that jacket. What the hell? And pockets? WHAT THE HELL?
Cara Harrington: Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto. What the hell is she wearing on her shoulders? That poor gold bastard of a jacket. She looks like a couture loving Klingon. The brown dress was so gorgeous and gave her a beautiful figure. The pockets were adorable the way she hid her little paws in them. It was an understated demure look that could have been a best dressed, but alas someone convinced her to wear that pseudo jacket. It was painfully obvious she the gold addition was sold separately for a reason.