‘The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hill’s Recap – Women Who Can’t Handle Their Alcohol

Holy wedges.  One starts out these recaps in hopes of remembering everything that happened the first 45 minutes of last night’s episode.  Then Taylor Armstrong starts speaking in tongues and you forget that Kyle Richards tried to convince us that she doesn’t Juvederm her lips (She just wants everyone to stop with the injections and plastic surgery and to “play fair”).  Sure thing, sure thing.  Can you recite the alphabet for us?  Why do your lips look so swollen?

I thought that Ken’s joke about going to Brandi’s blowjob party was so delightful, and then Taylor had to go and ruin everything.  Put the focus back on the wedding planner and Lisa talking about kicking her million dollar foot up people’s arses.  No more Taylor Armstrong, please.

Where the hell is that Dana chick?  Was she that brutal that Cohen gave her the ax?

Personally, I would have gone with the pewter table setting.  I don’t know why, but it just spoke to me.

Catch Up On Recaps Here!

Kyle Richards is a horrible person because A) She made fun of Braless Brandi (over and over and over again) B) She bitches about plastic surgery through her swollen lips (and forehead probs) and C) She is related to Paris Hilton.

And then there’s Kim Richards, who just checked into rehab.  Kim likes to pull big balls of laundry out of the dryer, then sit in her laundry room whilst munching on Cheetos and staring out the window.  We won’t even go into what that tumbler was filled with.

Yes, Camille shouldn’t really have divulged the tales of abuse Taylor suffered at the hands of her late husband.  However, it was probably a grueling shoot that and Taylor was most likely getting on everyone’s last nerve, which pushed Camille to the brink and made her word vomit everything she and Taylor had discussed in private.

PHOTOS: There You Are, Dana Wilkey

Taylor. Has. Gone. Crackers.  And then she was ripping a butt en route back to the BH, which was classic.  When Brandi kicked her out for stealing the spotlight was equally as classic.  She needed the chick from Sober House to hug the pain away afterwards.

Linda Thompson’s new age classes clearly aren’t working, because nothing she said helped anyone calm down last night.  BTW, she looked like an extra from Ab Fab.  “We are an evolved species!”

What was your favorite part about last night?  Do tell!

Feliz Cinco De Mayo, Mauricio.  Te quiero, mi amor.