Re-Tardy For The White Party: The Real Housewives Of Atlanta Episode Recap

Gah, the Real Housewives Of Atlanta moment we had all been waiting for: Kim Zolciak performing “Tardy For The Party” at the White Party, the largest gay dance party in the country in Palm Springs.

Seriously, I know they put some bullshit in about Phaedra and her husband Apollo – and when is that marriage gonna fail, right?  – and Nene’s new pooch and Sheree’s secret daughter finally makes an appearance, only to be upstaged by her bitch of a mother.

All-in-all, it was an entertaining episode but the focus was totally Kim, her wigs, Sweetie and the rebellion that is brewing between her and Kandi.

Act 1: Can’t Play A Playa

We check in with Kim, who is packing for her appearance at the White Party. Um, all those wigs? Sick. And I love that they are all in her bedroom, facing her bed. How awkward for a gentleman caller. The plastic model bodies, a la Clockwork Orange loitering in the room as well were amazing.Then Nene introduces us to Playa, the dog. Let’s just say that her earrings at the park were amazing, especially when juxtaposed with them sitting outside of the tunnel. It was a portrait reminiscent of a call girl looking for tricks in the park.

Again we see Ms. Leakes being the tough mother and I’ll admit – a pretty amazing mother.

Dwight strolls up to Sheree’s place in his big-ass white Hummer so they can talk out the She by Sheree event he helped out last season. Here’s what I love is that, as Sheree said, if they aren’t friends…what the hell do they need to make amends for? And her dig about him having $30k to fix his nose. Then Sheree’s neck muscles were coming out, which made me hope for a “Who gon’ check me boo?” redux. But alas, it never happened. Blerg.

Act 2: A Pot To Piss InSweetie and Kim are the new Romy & Michelle and the yellow Lamborghini is so subtle, and begs for them to be killed during their bathroom pit stop. I actually want them to turn Sweetie & Kim into a travelogue – like The Simple Life, where they have to fend for themselves among real people.Kandi awaits for Kim in Palm Springs and they pulled up in the car and the luggage in the limo. Trashtastic. And Kandi lays it out for Kim – and I sense an upcoming conflict between these two and it will be glorious to see Kandi explode once again.

And we’re back to Cynthia who talks about her schedule and her marriage and her sister calls her out for being selfish that she needs to just get her ass down the isle. Part of her drama comes from her being afraid of being in a bad marriage and hell, after being with Peter for 3 years, she knows whether he’s good or not to marry.

Act 3: Secret Kids & Nip Slips

Phaedra is cooking in her big ole negligee for breakfast and she’s making fish in Dijon mustard? Can she be more of a stereotype?

Can I also reiterate how much I hate her? Apollo went to prison for racketeering and I love Nene’s shade she throws at miss “high class” Parks. Phaedra’s explanation of the difference between black households and white households was hilarious and pathetic.

Back to Palm Springs…for the outfit fittings and some of these outfits look like a disgusting hooker melted. PS: Isn’t it nice to know that Kim isn’t SO trim under her clothes and those tan lines are unforgivable!

And out of the woodwork comes Sheree’s oldest daughter, Tierra, who is apparently done with college and has moved back to Atlanta. A child born from a HS boyfriend, Sheree? Hoe-licious. Sheree is such a back-handed bitch in how she speaks and it’s what I love about her and hate about her. And I also think her daughter kinda hates her. And that tirade about being a grandma? Girl, please.

Back to Palm Springs…where Kim wears the ugliest sheer-too-tight-doily dress and Kandi looks so out of place. And who goes to a GAY dance party and asks the men there if they are straight? Zolciak, youzza idiot.

Act 4: Even The Dog Has Droopy Drawers

Nene and Bryce put on gloves to deal with a dog, like it’s biohazardous. When do people put diapers on dogs? Is that a Hotlanta thing? I don’t even know what to say about them putting that dog in a diaper.

Act 5: A Silicone Olive In Your Martini, Sir?

Kim’s rehearsal is tragic and Kandi nails it when she said she doesn’t take it seriously and honestly, bitch has no promise to be a pop star. I can’t wait for the floppery that awaits us.

Phaedra invites her ‘relationship mentors’ over for dinner. Read that as “scary church folks.” Phaedra still looks like Tommy Tuna and I think she needs to quit running her mouth over white people eating canned foods and packaged meats, because a) it sounds retarded and b) how the hell does she know how white people live? c) bitch be jealous.It’s pretty clear that Phaedra and Apollo are not necessarily going to make it and that he needs to move on to someone better who is less ign’ant.

Back to Kim, of course with her dangling ciggy and cup of wine and they are off to get Kim’s nips out. And I love the last minute alterations to keep her in her outfit.

Act 6: Re-Tardy For The Party: Someone Turn Down My Backing Track

Um…Kim’s performance? Tragic. Glad that she couldn’t even sing as loud as her backing track. Thank goodness for Kandi to inject some life into the performance. And I truly believe that if Kandi wasn’t there, Kim wouldn’t have done it.