September 14th, 2007 // 10 Comments

Get some, Unabomber! Vincent Gallo’s a touchy bastard, and it’s probably because he looks like creepy negative Jesus. His death eyes give me the goosebumps, and not in a sexy way. A critic from the NY Post recently suggested that Vinnie used a fake pin for that famous scene in his movie “Brown Bunny”. You know, the one where Chloe Sevigny gets slurpy with him for real? Vincent didn’t like this suggestion, so he angrily offered to have sex with Post critic Frank Scheck’s mother, wife, or sister to prove he’s packing. He’ll go to any length!

“Tell that hack to convince his mother, sister or wife to let me give it to her . . . and then she can report back to little Frank if she thought [it was fake],” Gallo raged to Page Six.

Gallo ranted in an e-mail: ” ‘The Brown Bunny’ is an ultra-low-budget film. With that in mind, the expense to create a prosthetic that could pass on film would be well out of the film’s budget, and so far no one has come close to making such a thing pass as real . . . For example, Mark Wahlberg’s rubber [organ in 'Boogie Nights'] was far from realistic and was only seen for a few seconds. If one wasn’t blinded by jealousy, it would be easy to tell [my] scene was real. Chloe Sevigny herself has publicly said the scene involved us performing real sex.

“Why then does Scheck promote doubt about the scene’s authentic nature? I speculate it’s because Mr. Scheck most likely has a very small, ugly penis and needs to believe that only in make-believe does anyone have one like mine!”

Man, he really wants us to know he got head. Easy there, Vincent. Scheck stated that he thinks Gallo “protests too much” and probably isn’t actually packing. I’d watch it. Vincent Gallo seems exactly the type of guy who would expose himself to you outside your apartment building and then stab you and mutter something in Russian and run into the street and kick over a newstand and then go for expresso with an underage model. You know he’s the type.


By J. Harvey

  1. nastybugger

    I’m with the reporter…methinks he doth protest too much.

    besides that, gallo is a scary-looking self-important scumbag.

    I’ve seen that scene in brown bunny, and it’s SO gratuitous. he just wanted a BJ from chloe sevigny.

  2. Audrey

    Gallo is hot. I’d slob his knob.

  3. T-Bone

    I third the “thou doth protest too much” comment, and I am ready to barf at Audrey’s comment.

  4. sydney

    There is no such thing as “expresso.”

  5. Ruby Jackson

    “Negative Jesus”…. ha ha ha ha ha !!!!!!! That’s hilarious!

  6. stella

    hilarious article!!the last part about exposing,stabbing,then having espresso??? sooo funny.brilliant humor

  7. Loob

    “Get some, Unabomber! Vincent Gallo’s a touchy bastard, and it’s probably because he looks like creepy negative Jesus.”
    Ahahahaa!! You light up my life, J.Harv!

    Oh man, this guy is super sensitive about his teeny tiny langostino.
    That is definitely how it looks, because as you said, he is protesting WAY too much.
    Hahahaha! “Let me give it to yer mom!” He’s acting like a 12 year old!

  8. nastybugger

    isn’t gallo the one who wished cancer on some movie reviewer after a bad review of brown bunny? I think he called it a self-indulgent piece of crap (which it is) but that’s no reason to wish cancer on someone.

    12 year old? more like 7 year old…

  9. Magiklaus

    Who is that smooching him?

  10. dtd

    hmm I was on the same plane as him, from newark to LAX. He was oddly hot, shorter than I’d imagine, but oddly attractive, I’d do him.
    A very young looking blonde girl picked him up from the airport.

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