Get some, Unabomber! Vincent Gallo’s a touchy bastard, and it’s probably because he looks like creepy negative Jesus. His death eyes give me the goosebumps, and not in a sexy way. A critic from the NY Post recently suggested that Vinnie used a fake pin for that famous scene in his movie “Brown Bunny”. You know, the one where Chloe Sevigny gets slurpy with him for real? Vincent didn’t like this suggestion, so he angrily offered to have sex with Post critic Frank Scheck’s mother, wife, or sister to prove he’s packing. He’ll go to any length!

“Tell that hack to convince his mother, sister or wife to let me give it to her . . . and then she can report back to little Frank if she thought [it was fake],” Gallo raged to Page Six.

Gallo ranted in an e-mail: ” ‘The Brown Bunny’ is an ultra-low-budget film. With that in mind, the expense to create a prosthetic that could pass on film would be well out of the film’s budget, and so far no one has come close to making such a thing pass as real . . . For example, Mark Wahlberg’s rubber [organ in ‘Boogie Nights’] was far from realistic and was only seen for a few seconds. If one wasn’t blinded by jealousy, it would be easy to tell [my] scene was real. Chloe Sevigny herself has publicly said the scene involved us performing real sex.

“Why then does Scheck promote doubt about the scene’s authentic nature? I speculate it’s because Mr. Scheck most likely has a very small, ugly penis and needs to believe that only in make-believe does anyone have one like mine!”

Man, he really wants us to know he got head. Easy there, Vincent. Scheck stated that he thinks Gallo “protests too much” and probably isn’t actually packing. I’d watch it. Vincent Gallo seems exactly the type of guy who would expose himself to you outside your apartment building and then stab you and mutter something in Russian and run into the street and kick over a newstand and then go for expresso with an underage model. You know he’s the type.