Suddenly Buddhist

May 24th, 2007 // 7 Comments

Fake-ass. Paris Hilton’s lawyers have advised her to stay on the straight and narrow during their attempts to keep her from being sodomized with a mop handle in the joint. She’s challenged as hell so she took this to mean she should take up religion or actually just get photographed carrying religious books around. What are you – Amelia Bedelia? She’s now onto Buddhism. To quote Morrissey – she could make a shy bald Buddhist reflect and plan a mass murder.

The hotel heiress – who has been sentenced to 23 days in jail for driving with a suspended licence – was seen in Hollywood’s Bodhi Tree bookstore picking up a spiritual tome.

Earlier this week, ‘The Simple Life’ star was spotted clutching the Bible and a self-help manual.

Lawyers for Paris, 26, have told the socialite she needs to “live like a nun” if she has any chance of evading jail. Paris has told friends she is quitting alcohol and partying and has replaced her skimpy outfits with a new demure look.

Man, she’s so transparent. She’s almost a cartoon. Why doesn’t she just run around in a habit and wimple? That’ll fool em’! Or maybe a tinfoil halo and some fake wings. I’m sure she has those outfits lying around from some homemade porn she did.

(Mavrix Photo)

More photos of Paris Hilton without her cone, after the jump.

(Mavrix Photo)

By J. Harvey

  1. jesse d

    How funny would it be for her to run. Like, leave the country. She’d come back though because she just can’t stay away from the cameras.

  2. rootabega

    my love for you has soared j harvey, for quoting my personal God. oh who said i lied because i never, i never….

  3. mel

    Funniest post I’ve read in a long time. Probably because every word of it is true & exactly what I was thinking but J Harvey, you said it best.

  4. jannre

    As soon as this is over , she’ll be back to clubbing and posing.

  5. Darth Paul

    PROPER Morrissey reference!

  6. Well there are a few more days to go, more funny stories to come I would imagine.

    For the record I still believe she will NOT turn up.

  7. jill

    While I’m sure everyone loved the Morrisey reference, it’s the Amelia Bedelia one that got me! Hahaha, ever read the one where they told her to prune the hedges, so she put prunes in the hedges. Ahhh, classic.

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