Stay Out of The Crosswalks And Highway Rest Areas, George Michael’s A-Tourin’!

People reports that George Michael’s going back on the road here in the States. And by road, we mean he’ll be driven in a tour bus because word is when he drives he’s usually stoned and he’s liable to kill someone or at least pass out in an intersection and block traffic. Which is inconvenient.

A source close to the 43-year-old singer tells PEOPLE that the pop star will embark on his first U.S. tour in 15 years this spring.

In recent years, Michael has made more headlines with his run-ins with the law than with his music: In February he was arrested on suspicion of drug possession in London.

However, he recently finished a 16-city greatest-hits European tour (dubbed “25 Live”) that was sold out and, by all accounts, scandal-free. He’s also polishing his image on Dec. 20 by performing a free London concert for nurses.

Did he play for nurses because he knows he’s going to need one someday when he plows his car into a building whilst driving high?

I think Nicole Richie should be his opening act. They have a lot in common. Except for the picking up men in the bushes thing. That’s all George. Nicole finds hers in Hilary Duff’s cast-off pile.

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