Star Maps Makers Furious Over Brad Pitt & Jennifer Aniston Split

January 10th, 2005 // Leave a Comment
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A Socialite’s Life has obtained and exclusive quote from Lyle Conrad, the founder and CEO of Star Maps USA. Mr. Conrad has released a statement today bashing Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston for not being able to save their marriage. Mr. Conrad was quoted:

“Why can’t these celebrity couples stay together? Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston are two powerful stars who seemingly have it all. I could care less is Mr. Pitt slept with Angelina Jolie. The fact is that he’s not man enough to hold onto the hotness that is Jennifer Aniston. Why couldn’t he keep it in his pants? These celebrities are killing my industry. Every time a celebrity hooks up or breaks up with another celebrity, we have to print another version of our maps. Stars like Jennifer Lopez and Jennifer Garner who purchase homes with one mate, only to dump them for another shortly there after create havoc in the production of our maps. Were having to reprint these things weekly!”

The starry-eyed couple announced their breakup by issuing a statement through People Magazine. Okay?

We would like to announce that after seven years together we have decided to formally separate. For those who follow these sorts of things, we would like to explain that our separation is not the result of any of the speculation reported by the tabloid media.
This decision is a result of much thoughtful consideration. We happily remain committed and caring friends with great love and admiration for one another. We ask in advance for your kindness and sensitivity in the coming months. [via Gothamist]

I held off on reporting this tragedy, because I wanted to give you, my readers, some time to heal. Was the split due to Brad’s rumored affair to Angelina Jolie, or the fact that Brad wanted kids and Jennifer didn’t. I don’t think we will ever know the true story.

What’s next for the duo? While Brad mourns what beautiful children he could have had with Jennifer, let us remember that he is Brad Pitt. He’ll find someone just as gorgeous (hopefully someone who wants kids), and live happily ever after. Jennifer Aniston on the other hand, most likely won’t fare so well.
I mean, she’s dated Adam Duritz and Jonathan Silverman in the past. Not quite “hot” if you ask me.

Godspeed, Brad and Jennifer, Godspeed.

By Miu von Furstenberg
asl

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