Socialite Life BS Awards 2009: No. 9 – Tiger Woods

December 14th, 2009 // 3 Comments

Tiger Woods! Tiger Woods! Did you hear about Tiger Woods? Tiger
Woods gets a Bitch Slap for basically nailing everything with a vagine
in the Western Hemisphere and thinking he could still maintain that
clean-cut image. You dumb bitch.

Tiger’s carefully-endorsed world
collapsed
last month when it was revealed that he has been having
numerous affairs behind wifey’s back. This one had EVERYONE bent over
the golf cart! You can’t throw it in a waitress from Perkins and think
she ain’t gonna put down her notepad and run her TJ Maxx ass to the
nearest media outlet when it spills. She could earn tax credits for
that at this point! The mistress count is now at nine (give or take some), and Tiger’s wife Elin Nordegren may or may not have taken up residence outside of the Woods manse.

Globally-famous athletes like Tiger baby (seriously, is golf even a
sport..it’s like walking and swinging…girl, bye) should know better
than to tap ass across the country and think no one’s gonna go for his
cash. However, his wife Elin gets whatever the opposite of a bitch slap
is (hand her a cocktail?) for the HOT WAY she handled the whole thing.

First, scare that ho into never, ever taking his golf club out of the
bag ever again by swinging at his ass with a real one. Bitch caused a
car crash
! And then, make sure you get even more of his money for
acting the fool. Elin should be in a museum somewhere or have her own
holiday.

 
Gallery Info: Tiger Woods wins the Number 9 spot on Socialite Life’s 2009 BS Awards.

Guest post by Cherita Whitechild

By Lisa Timmons
  1. anon

    Agreed. I always respected Elin for not parading herself or Sam and Charlie in the spotlight, which many in her place would have, for turning down high profile mag covers, interviews etc. Unlike the many side women she will come out with her dignity and self-respect in tact…under the circumstances her husband has created I for one will forgive the alleged creative use of the nine iron. This is one woman who will not be doing the talk show rounds. I wish her and the kids a much more peaceful, and loving new year. If her and Tiger do split Im sure she will have learned her lesson and will no problem finding a real man to settle down with again. Let’s see how Tiger handles seeing men fall over her. Snap…Go Elin.

  2. anon

    Agreed. I always respected Elin for not parading herself or Sam and Charlie in the spotlight, which many in her place would have, for turning down high profile mag covers, interviews etc. Unlike the many side women she will come out with her dignity and self-respect in tact…under the circumstances her husband has created I for one will forgive the alleged creative use of the nine iron. This is one woman who will not be doing the talk show rounds. I wish her and the kids a much more peaceful, and loving new year. If her and Tiger do split Im sure she will have learned her lesson and will no problem finding a real man to settle down with again. Let’s see how Tiger handles seeing men fall over her. Snap…Go Elin.

  3. anon

    Agreed. I always respected Elin for not parading herself or Sam and Charlie in the spotlight, which many in her place would have, for turning down high profile mag covers, interviews etc. Unlike the many side women she will come out with her dignity and self-respect in tact…under the circumstances her husband has created I for one will forgive the alleged creative use of the nine iron. This is one woman who will not be doing the talk show rounds. I wish her and the kids a much more peaceful, and loving new year. If her and Tiger do split Im sure she will have learned her lesson and will no problem finding a real man to settle down with again. Let’s see how Tiger handles seeing men fall over her. Snap…Go Elin.

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