Send in the Clowns: Howard K. Stern in Court

So, Howard K. Stern’s on the stand, facing off against Larry Birkhead as to where Anna Nicole should be buried. Howard has the time to go to court, now that his job keeping his celebrity junkie plied with enough drugs to stay docile and keep making interviews to sell is over. You know, considering she’s dead. To break it down for all of you good people, here’s a list of what’s gone on/what’s been said so far. Make like a sponge, and absorb this juice! Enjoy!

  • Howard K. Stern’s lawyer Krista Barth complained to Judge Larry Seidlin that Larry Birkhead’s lawyer Deb Opri, sitting just a few feet from Stern, accused him of “killing” Anna Nicole Smith during court proceedings this morning.<
  • Stern said that he and Smith became “more than friends” two years ago, having met years before when Stern became her lawyer. He also said that they kept their romantic relationship secret. ‘”We became more than friends,” said Stern. “She was my whole world, everything to me. She was my lover.”

Much, much more after the jump. Seriously, the guy’s going for an Oscar. Or at least a cable Ace award.

Howard K. Stern said that Anna Nicole Smith wanted to be buried near Marilyn Monroe in Los Angeles but that it was prohibitively expensive. He added that she thought she would die young, like Marilyn, and she thought she would die while giving birth to Dannielynn. “She talked of death really from the time that I met her,” said Stern.

Howard K. Stern just told the court that Anna Nicole wanted him to look into how secure cemetery ground plots were in the Bahamas because she and son Daniel were “afraid of bugs” and their getting into Daniel’s coffin — and one that she might have occupied. Stern also said that Daniel didn’t wear a suit in his coffin, and that Anna Nicole “wanted to crawl” into the coffin with Daniel at his funeral.

Judge Larry Seidlin’s dream is to become a judge on a TV courtroom show. The endlessly entertaining Florida judge who is hearing the Anna Nicole case has had a TV show on the brain for months. Sources say Judge Seidlin has even made a demo tape of cases that were recorded in his courtroom.

Howard K. Stern’s lawyer told the judge that Stern was served by lawyers for Larry Birkhead with a subpoena during the lunch break in the Florida trial. He was served with a subpoena for his DNA in California, TMZ has learned.

Howard K. Stern told the court that he didn’t want to get formally married to Anna Nicole Smith because he didn’t want to be perceived as a gold-digger, even though it was Smith’s wish to marry. Stern said he referred to Anna as his wife, and Anna referred to him as her husband. But he acknowledged that their marriage wasn’t legally binding.

Howard K. Stern just told the court that Anna Nicole was “really bothered” that Virgie Arthur, her mother, told the media that he or Anna had murdered Anna’s son Daniel Smith. Stern is testifying with regard to Anna’s relationship with her mother. Tapes of interviews in which an emotional Anna Nicole accuses Arthur of physical abuse have been introduced in the hearing.

Stern also added that he is not a beneficiary of Anna Nicole’s will.

I’m exhausted. You? That’s a lot of chicanery.