Scott Baio Dishes All His Dirt

The book that will soon replace my copy of JDick’s memoirs, “No Lifeguard On Duty,” as my favorite trashy celebrity confessional has got to be the as-of-yet unpublished, “BaioWatch: How I Dated and Loved Hollywood’s Most Beautiful Women and Ended Up Alone.” That’s right, Bob Loblaw is shopping a manuscript detailing Baio’s romantic history with the various famous women who have come and gone in his life, according to Radar.

Pamela Anderson – “One day Pamela came home and said, ‘I’m thinking of getting my boobs done.’ Admittedly, I was surprised. My initial response, ‘Reduced?’ She already had large, beautiful, natural breasts. At that moment I knew our relationship would soon begin to crumble.”

More between-the-sheets confessions from Baio after the jump.

Beverly D’Angelo – “Beverly was standing there at Liza’s party. I didn’t even introduce myself. I walked right over to her and confessed, “You know, you have one of the sexiest qualities a woman can ever have.

‘Oh yeah? What’s that?’ she asked. ‘You have an overbite.’

‘I don’t have an overbite, dear,’ she said. ‘I have a cocksucker’s mouth.'”

Liza Minelli – “‘I really want your sperm. You’re a talented, good-looking Italian guy. That’s what I want my child to be.’

I was incredulous. ‘What are you gonna do with my sperm?’

‘Well, I’m going to take my egg and put it into somebody else’s body.'”

Now THAT would have been an unexpected twist in an episode of “Arrested Development” I bet was going to reveal itself halfway through Season Four, except that sadly, we will never know. Sniff. Sorry, I just really miss that show.