Heidi Klum Will Lead Her Reality Host Militia To The Emmys

July 28th, 2008 // Leave a Comment

Every reality TV show host ever will host the Emmys this year. Ugh, rotating hosts. Then again, it could have a full night of Ryan Seacrest and his big gay highlights. Seacrest, Heidi Klum, Jeff Probst, Howie Mandel, and Tom Bergeron. I’m already snoring and it’s not because of this Xanax and wine.

All of these bitches and hoes are nominees in the brand new Best New Reality Host category.

That’s winning an Emmy for doing nothing. Seriously. Let’s break it down:

Seacrest: Gay. Has highlights. Flirts with Simon Cowell’s hammerhead and sweater moobs.
Heidi: Says bitchy things with perky accent. Wears hot outfits.
Jeff Probst; He’s like, on that island, right? Unless they resort to cannibalism, that show is not worth my time.
Howie Mandel: He should get an Emmy for best psychological disorder – OCD. If I watched that shit, I would keep waiting for him to use Purell everytime one of those briefcase sluts accidentally brushed against him.
Tom Bergeron: Was a Boston-based guy for many years, so I guess I should root for his ass. But those dancing jerks are irritating so I blame him.

None of these people deserve any sort of statue. Then again, I don’t think anyone deserves special statues except for people in the Special Olympics and when kids read a lot of books for the March of Dimes. They used to have that in elementary school and I would read my ass off because a movie featuring Kim Fields told me, too. J. Harvey for the gold! “I’d like to thank Tootie…”


Every reality TV show host ever will host the Emmys this year. Ugh, rotating hosts. Then again, it could have a full night of Ryan Seacrest and his big gay highlights. Seacrest, Heidi Klum, Jeff Probst, Howie Mandel, and Tom Bergeron. I’m already snoring and it’s not because of this Xanax and wine.All of these bitches and hoes are nominees in the brand new Best New Reality Host category.That’s winning an Emmy for doing nothing. Seriously. Let’s break it down:Seacrest: Gay. Has highlights. Flirts with Simon Cowell’s hammerhead and sweater moobs.Heidi: Says bitchy things with perky accent. Wears hot outfits.Jeff Probst; He’s like, on that island, right? Unless they resort to cannibalism, that show is not worth my time.Howie
Mandel: He should get an Emmy for best psychological disorder – OCD. If
I watched that shit, I would keep waiting for him to use Purell
everytime one of those briefcase sluts accidentally brushed against him.Tom
Bergeron: Was a Boston-based guy for many years, so I guess I should
root for his ass. But those dancing jerks are irritating so I blame him.None
of these people deserve any sort of statue. Then again, I don’t think
anyone deserves special statues except for people in the Special
Olympics and when kids read a lot of books for the March of Dimes. They
used to have that in elementary school and I would read my ass off
because a movie featuring Kim Fields told me, too. J. Harvey for the
gold! “I’d like to thank Tootie…”

By J. Harvey

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