RuPaul’s Drag Race – ‘Jocks in Frocks’

Sorry this recap is a bit tardy, but I was hobnobbing with some of the Real Housewives in Los Angeles! Sadly, Nicolette won’t be joining me, as she’s on her own spring break this week! Last week, Ru announced that one of the queens was coming back. Who could it be? Before we discover who is sashaying back to compete another day, Raja does his best happy dance to celebrate the fact that his arch nemesis Shangela is gone (for good?) And, just to add to the suspense surrounding the returning queen, it’s time to check the She Mail box! Ru throws out a lot of sporty innuendos and says the queens are in for some “man on man action.” Sounds sexy already! Boy Ru comes in (and this week, his suit gets an A+ from me) and announces the judges selection to return – it’s the gorgeous Carmen Carrera. Raja is delighted one of his beloved Heathers is back. Alexis, not so much.

This week’s mini-challenge pits the queens against each other in the “badonka-donk dunking machine”. Drag queens and dunk tanks are really a match made in heaven! Each queen gets to hurl his balls at the competitor of his choice (from the initial comments, it sounds like Carmen’s going to be getting very wet) and the queen who lands the most dunks in two minutes wins. Raja, looking very Joan Crawford-esque in his turban, robe, heels and movie star shades, picks Carmen as his victim and, lucky for Carmen, Raja throws like a girl – but he does manage to score one dunk (and the admiration and thanks of the other queens.) Alexis chooses Yara and dunks him with the first throw – and 13 more. Wow! Alexis has got a golden arm! Bam! Yara, not surprisingly, chooses Alexis for a little soggy revenge. He doesn’t do too bad, dunking his Puerto Rican rival seven times. Just like his fellow Heather, Manila is only able to dunk Carmen once. Last but not least, Carmen chooses Raja as his victim and send him into the drink six times. Running away with the victory this week is Alexis!

Check out more of our “Ru-cap” and loads of video goodness after the jump!
After the queens get dried off, they head to the “you betta werk” room to meet some real athletes – and through the squeaky door come five hunky, manly men. Oh, there’s so much eye candy going on that I’m getting a cavity! The queens have to take these men and transform them into drag queens for a day. Ru wants to see “a strong family resemblance” in the transformed men. The hunks introduce themselves. Adorable blondie Matt is 29 and plays baseball. Drew is 23 and plays rugby. Slava is 23 and plays water polo. Chevy is 27 and plays baseball and Chris is a 32-year-old basketball player. Since Alexis won the mini-challenge, he gets to choose the teams. He pairs Chris with Raja, Matt with Manila, Drew with Yara, Chevy with Carmen and claims Slava for himself. This is going to be SO good! The straight, manly men walk surprisingly well in heels – and is Chevy getting a stiffie? Vroom vroom!

As the queens attempt to work their magic, Yara hits the first speed bump – Drew doesn’t want to shave the “jungle hair” under his arms. He also has to take some hetero breaks, tossing a ball around while (presumably) tossing his balls around. Yes, the boys are talking tucking. All of the menfolk look a bit anxious to give it a go, but Chevy is surprisingly game. Slava is enamored with Alexis’ silicone boobs. Slava is also curious about his coach’s first boy-on-boy kiss which, ironically, was with a straight boy. Hmmm….Ru checks on the queens’ progress and asks Raja if he’s got any surprises up his sleeve. Raja continues to feel the pressure to pull off something fierce on the runway. Carmen assures Ru that he and Chevy will be “serving body and sex”. Yara finally got Drew to address the “jungle hair” situation:

Manila is dolling Matt up in a kimono and is worried about making Matt’s “brick”-like physique look more feminine. I love Matt. Ru announces that this week’s special guest judges are Margaret Cho and Sharon Osbourne (love them too!) and that the queens must also create a cheerleader look for both themselves and their jocks and create a safe sex cheer – what a twist! As the queens work on their cheers, we get our first glimpse of one of the transformed jocks – Raja’s teammate Chris, who looks exactly like Michael Rosenbaum’s character in Sorority Boys! Alexis thinks he looks like a “hot mess”. Carmen introduces me to some new drag lingo when he describes Chris as a “Sprepper” – a combination of Sprite and Dr. Pepper, which isn’t necessarily a good thing.

The teams hit the runway for a little practice. Alexis has Slava (drag name Avals Mateo) adopting his signature catchphrase “Bam!” and Alexis’ fierce attitude as well. Poor Slava’s having some problems with the attitude – and the heels too! Yara teaches Drew (drag name Drewlita Sofia) how to work the judges but is worried Drew might not be able to pull off the attitude necessary to be a fierce drag diva (I’m more worried about his inability to move his hips seductively!) Chris (drag name Enigma) looks terribly awkward in heels, but is committed to his drag name and the drag game. Chevy (drag name Lolita Cruz-Carerra) has to get over being a “titty guy” to conform more to his coach’s love of the ass. He’s also having a lot of difficulty with the heels. As a girl who’s had to suffer wearing heels so I can look good for men like you, all I have to say is suck it up! Check out Manila coaching Matt (drag name Fuschia Luzon):

As the runway preparations are underway, the boys and the ladyboys really seem to bond. It turns out Chevy’s younger brother is gay and Matt is quite the natural at bitchy trash talking. As a straight (but not narrow) person, I’m proud that these young men are serving as representatives of our sexual orientation. It’s nice to know that tolerance is alive and well! On challenge day, there’s a whole lot of shaving going on, peppered with some interesting revelations (Raja went to his 10 year high school reunion in drag – and had a blast.) Clean-shaven Drew is hot and the dragged-out Slava looks like the heroine of the very awesome movie 20 Centimeters. Yara seems to doubt this is Slava’s first time at the ol’ drag rodeo.

It’s runway time! As always, Ru looks fab, and in addition to the coolness that Michelle, Margaret and Sharon bring to the judges’ table, we’re also getting a little extra man candy with the gorgeous Mike Ruiz (who I’d love to see as a permanent fixture!) The queens debut their safe sex cheers first and, since words alone can’t properly convey this train wreck, I’ll let the visuals do the talking! Here’s Alexis and Avals:

Raja and Gemini:

Yara and Drewlita:

Carmen and Lolita Cruz:

Manila and Fuschia:

Wow. Just wow. Can the runway looks top that? Alexis and Slava are sisters in feathers – and excessive ass padding. Raja delivered his least impressive showing on the runway this week in a leopard print gown. And poor, poor Chris just looked incredibly awkward. Drewlita and Yara are perfect together. If Drew didn’t have to move, he could really pass as a drag queen. Carmen maybe shouldn’t have put so much emphasis on serving body this week. While Carmen’s is impressive, Chevy’s isn’t. I’ve never seen a drag queen with a beer gut before. Manila and Matt look absolutely adorable. I am now completely in love with Matt.

During the judges’ critiques, Sharon thought Slava was really getting into being a woman and assumed he had a stiffie tucked away between his legs. Margaret thought he and Alexis were serving up some Kardashian and she was keeping up with them. Raja told the judges he and Chris had a love for old movies and decided to go with an “old Hollywood” theme – to which Ru asked if the “old Hollywood” they were serving was Tarzan. Sharon thought Chris’ walk was a little too sailor-y. Sharon learned what “barebacking” meant. Yara and Drew and Manila and Matt all got kudos from the judges. Carmen and Chevy didn’t – for the obvious reason. When the judging dust settled, Alexis was deemed safe and Manila deservedly won the challenge, winning a cruise for him and Matt (if you need a travel companion Matt, call me!) Raja is in the bottom two for the first time and is joined by Carmen. The two Heathers face off in the lip sync for their lives! The song this week is “Straight Up” by Paula Abdul and these queens serve up the hottest elimination performance in Drag Race history. Raja strips down, Carmen goes bottomless and there’s some major kai-kai action going down. Very hot! Sadly, as Ru giveth, Ru also taketh away and Carmen is once again sent packing. Next week, Nicolette returns and the queens show off their million dollar assets in a special challenge! Until then, as always, can I get an “Amen”?

Catch up with RuPaul’s Drag Race on LogoTV.com and don’t miss the next episode next Monday at a special time, 9pm EST on Logo!