Roseanne’s Pissed That She Didn’t Get The Gig

Roseanne was up for the empty “View” seat that Whoopi got. She’s taken to her blog to swipe at Barbara Walters. She doesn’t mention “The View” situation, but she does mention that Barbara is all head. Jesus Christ, so am I! Am I an ancient newswoman with a lisp? Damn these Irish genes! I’m like an orange on a toothpick! Well, not exactly a toothpick but still – big melon. What? I like Roseanne, but she’s out her damn mind.

Barbara Walters is well over one hundred years old now. She is all head, like joan rivers. I am only at the pee in your pants stage of old ladyism, but look forward to having a huge head in the future. I have seven pigs on my farm and want to eat them! They hide in the grass and hump each other when they think I am not looking…I am getting a shotgun tomorrow, not for the piggies, but just to have, though I wonder if my past mental illnesses will make getting a gun tougher? I will shoot anyone who comes on my land, since I just put up gates that say “no trespassing… trespassers shot on sight”… I cannot wait to shoot someone if need be…right between the eyes. I am a damn good shot too! I once blew a quarter in two at one hundred feet! I need glasses these days to make sure the head wound will be fatal. I hate to see anyone suffer!

Her neighbors better duck. This is an angry, drunk bitch with a gun! And no, it won’t make it any tougher getting a gun. I went shooting at the target range for a bachelor party this past weekend. And I’m as crazy as Britney. I just wasn’t blessed enough to be hot in the beginning, hence I am without her money. Uh, this post went ALL over the place.

Tags: Roseanne