‘RHOBH’ Recap: Tea And No Sympathy For Taylor Armstrong

The episodes of The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills are getting progressively heavier.  The only reprieve last night was another dose of Lisa’s impression of Kim.  One more reason to keep LVP in the #2 spot of “Housewives We Can Stand Behind.”

We ask that Kyle stop crying long enough to tell us the real reason she’s rattled about Kim’s new boyfriend, Ken Blumenfeld (who, it seems, is still cruising for tail on Match.com).  Crazy Kim is occupied and mellow.  Now, whether that’s a result of a Mexican happy pill or because Ken makes her smile is beyond us, but let the shell smile a bit.

Dr. Paul Nassif, you might be the cutest carnivore to ever grace this Godforsaken series.  Not since Bobby Zarin have I taken a liking to such an affable fella.  Happy Birthday to you, good sir.  And may the remainder of your days be free of kicks to the face.

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Lisa’s tea party, lisa’s tea party.  Taylor is a sinking ship, and she’s taking everyone down with her!  Who hates Lisa?  Mutiny! Arggh!  Tell Lisa that you hate her, Kyle.  Tell her, Camille!  Tell that smug Brit with the pretty face that everyone hates her Ipad screensaver!

And then…nothing.  Taylor came undone, cried through her martian lips and went outside to speak to Paul through a wrought iron gate  (Trapped At Vanderpump: The Taylor Armstrong Story).  Paul, it seemed, was in the wrong place at the wrong time.  I imagine he had just come home from a hard day of slicing up rich uglies and looked forward to a moment of solitude while his dog(s) got some air.  Not on Bravo’s watch.  Taylor came out to bitch about those hags inside AND to get some free advice.  All Paul wanted was for Adrienne to call him.

Taylor came back inside, probably to see if any one was ready to throw Lisa to the wolves.  Nope!  The girls found a better use of their time and brought up Taylor’s abusive relationship with the late Russell Armstrong instead.  “Wait, why are we talking about my marriage?” Taylor asked Kyle, as if no one else could hear her.  FINALLY Camille secured her spot for season three by spilling all of Taylor’s tales of woe: broken jaw, broken this, bruised that (which Paul noticed outside).

Oh dear.  Lovely tea spread, though.