Real Housewives Of Orange County: Quickie

February 3rd, 2009 // 6 Comments

The episode opens with Tamra taking her face-lifted, “empty soul” (her words, not ours) mother out for dinner and drinks. She want to get her mother laid through a dating service. She asks her what she’s “into” and then admits to loving porn. Tamra stares in “awe” at how quickly her mother’s face has recovered. Uh oh. We know that look. She, no doubt, surreptitiously dialed the doctor before the check came. In Vegas, for the “girlfriends weekend” Tamra rolls her eyes and alludes to Gretchen and Lynn as being gross, dumb and inappropriate. She also doesn’t think much of Gretchen’s whole “Jessica Simpson” routine.

Vicki goes shopping for scrubs with her daughter who got a job in the ER. While she’s “so proud” her daughter saves lives, she manages to casually work into the conversation how Briana makes “the big bucks” and hypothesizes she will always be in uniform since she went to catholic school. Her plans at buying a yacht are vetoed. Vicki spends most of the Vegas trip lamenting how dumb all the other girls are and gets weirdly defensive when Gretchen says her favorite drink is a Grey Goose, dirty martini with stuffed blue cheese olives. But that’s her favorite drink. Copy cat? Vicki thinks so.

Lynne is drinking a martini (NEVER!) with her mother. She lies and pretends she had no idea her 18-year-old daughter Raquel got drunk during the last episode. Her mother doesn’t buy all of this, calls her an enabler, and suggest discipline. Lynn doesn’t seem to believe in this parenting philosophy. In Vegas Gretchen is particularly viscous and calls Lynn “boring” and then makes fun of her for not knowing whether or not she has air-conditioning (really?).  A visibly wounded Lynn decides to kill them with kindness (or just kill them) and then clinks glasses with all her “beautiful girlfriends…love you guys” Weird.

Gretchen‘s husband is released after two months in the hospital and all his children gather at the house. Poor Jeff. He just seems to fade into the couch while Gretchen babbles at him like she’s making small talk with her decrepit grandfather. He seems happy, and then Gretchen announces she’s off to Vegas! While in Vegas she proceeds to annoy everyone. When the camera stops rolling our bets are on the others hog-tying and assassinating Gretchen at sunrise. She gets a “hottie whistle” at the pool and bounces around blowing it like a junior high school student. The others look away.

Jeana goes to her sister’s house in Wisconsin to visit her mother and blind dad. She scolds her parents for never visiting and doesn’t seem to accept her father’s ailing health as an excuse. “Stevie Wonder went all over the world on tour” and as you all know, Stevie was blind. Ha ha. She tells the girls to “get their party pants on” wonders where all the men are, loudly snorts “when is it time to eat?” and makes fun of Gretchen and her “sugar daddy husband.” We like her.


The episode opens with Tamra taking her face-lifted, “empty
soul” (her words, not ours) mother out for dinner and drinks. She want
to get her mother laid through a dating service. She asks her what
she’s “into” and then admits to loving porn. Tamra stares in “awe” at
how quickly her mother’s face has recovered. Uh oh. We know that look.
She, no doubt, surreptitiously dialed the doctor before the check came.
In Vegas, for the “girlfriends weekend” Tamra rolls her eyes and
alludes to Gretchen and Lynn as being gross, dumb and inappropriate.
She also doesn’t think much of Gretchen’s whole “Jessica Simpson”
routine.Vicki goes
shopping for scrubs with her daughter who got a job in the ER. While
she’s “so proud” her daughter saves lives, she manages to casually work into the conversation how she makes “the big bucks” and hypothesizes Briana will
always be in uniform since she went to catholic school. Her plans at
buying a yacht are vetoed. Vicki spends most of the Vegas trip
lamenting how dumb all the other girls are and gets weirdly defensive
when Gretchen says her favorite drink is a Grey Goose, dirty martini with stuffed blue cheese olives. But that’s her favorite drink. Copy cat? Vicki thinks so.Lynne is drinking a martini (NEVER!) with her mother. She lies and pretends she had no idea her 18-year-old daughter Raquel
got drunk during the last episode. Her mother doesn’t buy all of this,
calls her an enabler, and suggest discipline. Lynn doesn’t seem to
believe in this parenting philosophy. In Vegas Gretchen is
particularly viscous and calls Lynn “boring” and then makes fun of her
for not knowing whether or not she has air-conditioning (really?).  A
visibly wounded Lynn decides to kill them with kindness (or just kill
them) and then clinks glasses with all her “beautiful
girlfriends…love you guys” Weird.Gretchen‘s husband is released after two months in the hospital and all his children gather at the house. Poor Jeff.
He just seems to fade into the couch while Gretchen babbles at him like
she’s making small talk with her decrepit grandfather. He seems happy,
and then Gretchen announces she’s off to Vegas! While in Vegas she
proceeds to annoy everyone. When the camera stops rolling our bets are
on the others hog-tying and assassinating Gretchen at sunrise. She gets
a “hottie whistle” at the pool and bounces around blowing it like a
junior high school student. The others look away.Jeana
goes to her sister’s house in Wisconsin to visit her mother and blind
dad. She scolds her parents for never visiting and doesn’t seem to
accept her father’s ailing health as an excuse. “Stevie Wonder went all
over the world on tour” and as you all know, Stevie was blind. Ha ha.
She tells the girls to “get their
party pants on” wonders where all the men are, loudly snorts “when is
it time to eat?” and makes fun of Gretchen and her “sugar daddy
husband.” We like her.

By Melissa Noble
  1. tony the tiger

    I’d like to know how the housewives other than Vicki support themselves.

    In particular, neither Jeana nor her husband work and the property taxes, college bills, other bills for her lifestyle must be huge.

    Then Tamra’s husband is “working from home” this season. We know what that means!

    Seems like as soon as some of the housewives from prior seasons met with hard times they suddenly disappeared. I suspect Tamra is next.

  2. gary

    I hope that “viscous” wasn’t a typo, hilarious!

  3. dezboy

    Gretchen isn’t married to the old (now dead) guy. She just got a ring from him in the last episode so they might have been engaged when he died but they were not married.

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