Real Housewives Of Orange County: Quickie

Jeana’s role in the episode is to stare flabbergasted across the table at Gretchen. They need to utilize her more on this show. Keep reading.

Tamra takes etiquette lessons because her husband is British and plans a 7-course dinner for the ladies to show off her skillz. Yes, it says “skillz” on the invite and tequila has to be incorporated into the meal somehow. Simon wants to help, but unfortunately he’s 50 and wearing a t-shirt from Hot Topic. Tamra tells the chefs she’s always up for a “party in [her] mouth.” In front of her son. Clearly, half the battle right there. Ryan ogles Gretchen. Tamra reveals her plan to get Gretchen (with the dying husband) “naked wasted” to humiliate her. So, clearly, Tamra’s kind of a bitch. She wants to unearth Gretchen’s “dark side.” Buckle up, sister.

Lynne and her jaw of destruction have dinner with hubby Frank. Obviously, Lynne discussed hangover cures with her daughter, Raquel, in Episode 2 because mommy is a hopeless alcoholic. On glass of wine #2 and no menus yet. Cocktail hour in the coatroom? Raquel brags about her car while bowling (the O.C. has bowling?) and assures her friends their lives will totally change. Close-ups reveal them visually salivating. Her friends then get krunk in the bathroom. Meanwhile, at Lynne’s opposite-of-intervention dinner, she notes wine has gone “missing” in the house. She’s so drunk, do you blame the kids? Lynne later advises Raquel not to drink and drive, regaling her with charming tales of a drunken adolescence. Wicked mothering skillz, Lynne.

Gretchen gushes over her sick husband’s kids because SOMEONE had to do the laundry. She feels her life is stalled and everyone is judging her and even cries a little during yoga. Somehow, she’s actually inspiring sympathy on this show. Gretchen attends Tamra’s party, realizing Tamra hates her. But since Gretchen’s emotionally vulnerable, she either DOESN’T care Tamra’s trying to get her drunk, OR doesn’t care. Gretchen moans, groans and acts trampy, getting so trashed, she can’t actually speak English. Not a sturdy drunk like our Lynne. Gretchen beelines for Ryan. “To Be Continued” appears as they mutter sweet nothings behind a wall. If Gretchen gets pregnant, this is the best show on TV right now. 

Vicki is back in Chicago at her brother’s BBQ with people flinging gasoline on huge piles of wood. Vicki’s mom is as nuts as her ferris-wheel-eyed daughter. Mom talks impending death and we see Vicki in a whole new light. Mom buys Vicki’s siblings things, but not her and responds “thank you” when her daughter says she loves her. Mom chugs highballs because everyone knows dealing with Vicki requires copious amounts of booze. Lynne’s family drinks so much because they’re afraid Vicki’s coming over. Vicki goes to Tamra’s dinner party, and is not the elegant lady Tamra is because she yells that she will VOMIT IF SHE EATS OYSTERS! Floating on a wave of classy. Vicki thinks Lynne is always high. No, she’s drunk. Like your mom when she comes home.


Jeana’s role in the episode is to stare flabbergasted across the
table at Gretchen. They need to utilize her more on this show. Keep
reading.Tamra takes etiquette lessons because her
husband is British and plans a 7-course dinner for the ladies to show
off her skillz. Yes, it says “skillz” on the invite and tequila has to
be incorporated into the meal somehow. Simon wants to help, but
unfortunately he’s 50 and wearing a t-shirt from Hot Topic. Tamra tells
the chefs she’s always up for a “party in [her] mouth.” In front of her
son. Clearly, half the battle right there. Ryan ogles Gretchen. Tamra
reveals her plan to get Gretchen (with the dying husband) “naked
wasted” to humiliate her. So, clearly, Tamra’s kind of a bitch. She
wants to unearth Gretchen’s “dark side.” Buckle up, sister. Lynne
and her jaw of destruction have dinner with hubby Frank. Obviously,
Lynne discussed hangover cures with her daughter, Raquel, in Episode 2
because mommy is a hopeless alcoholic. On glass of wine #2 and no menus
yet. Cocktail hour in the coatroom? Raquel brags about her car while
bowling (the O.C. has bowling?) and assures her friends their lives
will totally change. Close-ups reveal them visually salivating. Her
friends then get krunk in the bathroom. Meanwhile, at Lynne’s
opposite-of-intervention dinner, she notes wine has gone “missing” in
the house. She’s so drunk, do you blame the kids? Lynne later advises
Raquel not to drink and drive, regaling her with charming tales of a
drunken adolescence. Wicked mothering skillz, Lynne.Gretchen gushes
over her sick husband’s kids because SOMEONE had to do the laundry. She
feels her life is stalled and everyone is judging her and even cries a
little during yoga. Somehow, she’s actually inspiring sympathy on this
show. Gretchen attends Tamra’s party, realizing Tamra hates her. But
since Gretchen’s emotionally vulnerable, she either DOESN’T care
Tamra’s trying to get her drunk, OR doesn’t care. Gretchen moans,
groans and acts trampy, getting so trashed, she can’t actually speak
English. Not a sturdy drunk like our Lynne. Gretchen beelines for Ryan.
“To Be Continued” appears as they mutter sweet nothings behind a wall.
If Gretchen gets pregnant, this is the best show on TV right now.  Vicki
is back in Chicago at her brother’s BBQ with people flinging gasoline
on huge piles of wood. Vicki’s mom is as nuts as her ferris-wheel-eyed
daughter. Mom talks impending death and we see Vicki in a whole new
light. Mom buys Vicki’s siblings things, but not her and responds
“thank you” when her daughter says she loves her. Mom chugs highballs
because everyone knows dealing with Vicki requires copious amounts of
booze. Lynne’s family drinks so much because they’re afraid Vicki’s
coming over. Vicki goes to Tamra’s dinner party, and is not the elegant
lady Tamra is because she yells that she will VOMIT IF SHE EATS
OYSTERS! Floating on a wave of classy. Vicki thinks Lynne is always
high. No, she’s drunk. Like your mom when she comes home.