Real Housewives of Orange County: Quickie

December 17th, 2008 // 4 Comments

Vicki is still out to get that boat, so E.T. lays down a line of Reese’s Pieces to lead her family onto the yacht for a short cruise to whet their appetite. Daughter Briana has a meltdown about their having to sell their vacation home for this barge, and later reveals Daddy issues. Vicki and her big eyes that dance with crazy doesn’t get it. Until dinner with Jeana later on…

Jeana‘s son goes to his first prom and she’s harping on him not drinking at it. Fallen Playboy Bunny, there isn’t a bar! Jeana and her downtrodden self oversteps her boundaries at dinner with Vicki later on when she suggests that Vicki is responsible for her daughter’s daddy issues. Her feeling is that Vicki took the kids away from drunk dad in Chicago when they were kids so they didn’t get a chance to know him. Vicki’s crazy googles get crazier and she starts making stabbing motions with her claws and talking about her “meter” going over when she has to hear Jeana defend her husband. In Jeana’s defense, Vicki is an evil bitch which we find out when Gretchen calls them at dinner…

Gretchen has a sex toy party complete with nude girls at her house. She’s excited about showing off all of her wares to her fiancee who, sorry, is on his deathbed. Girl, he doesn’t need your ass in a corset, he needs hospice. Poor bastard. Gretchen later calls the girls at dinner and that evil, alien-looking, loony-tuned eyes Vicki actually ROLLS her eyes as Gretchen describes her husband’s sickness. What a….let’s just say we’ll see her next Tuesday.

Tamra‘s guy Simon keeps taking her kids to the gun range, so they are totally planning a murder/insurance scam on her ass. Her son Ryan is what one would call a “d-bag” and decides that he doesn’t want to be a cop anymore because one gave him a parking ticket. That’s why he’s dropping his life’s dream. His quote is that “cops are guys who got beat up a lot in high school.” Seriously, I hope at least one police officer in his area is watching this episode and has a billyclub at the ready. What a spoiled twat that kid is.

Lynne is the new Housewife who’s into kickboxing and staying young despite her tanned crust and who discusses hangover cures with her 18-year-old on national television. Way to Mom, Lynne. Need I say more?


Vicki is still out to get that boat, so E.T. lays down a line of
Reese’s Pieces to lead her family onto the yacht for a short cruise to
whet their appetite. Daughter Briana has a meltdown about their having
to sell their vacation home for this barge, and later reveals Daddy
issues. Vicki and her big eyes that dance with crazy doesn’t get it.
Until dinner with Jeana later on…Jeana‘s son goes to
his first prom and she’s harping on him not drinking at it. Fallen
Playboy Bunny, there isn’t a bar! Jeana and her downtrodden self
oversteps her boundaries at dinner with Vicki later on when she
suggests that Vicki is responsible for her daughter’s daddy issues. Her
feeling is that Vicki took the kids away from drunk dad in Chicago when
they were kids so they didn’t get a chance to know him. Vicki’s crazy
googles get crazier and she starts making stabbing motions with her
claws and talking about her “meter” going over when she has to hear
Jeana defend her husband. In Jeana’s defense, Vicki is an evil bitch
which we find out when Gretchen calls them at dinner…Gretchen
has a sex toy party complete with nude girls at her house. She’s
excited about showing off all of her wares to her fiancee who, sorry,
is on his deathbed. Girl, he doesn’t need your ass in a corset, he
needs hospice. Poor bastard. Gretchen later calls the girls at dinner
and that evil, alien-looking, loony-tuned eyes Vicki actually ROLLS her
eyes as Gretchen describes her husband’s sickness. What a….let’s just
say we’ll see her next Tuesday.Tamra‘s guy Simon keeps
taking her kids to the gun range, so they are totally planning a
murder/insurance scam on her ass. Her son Ryan is what one would call a
“d-bag” and decides that he doesn’t want to be a cop anymore because
one gave him a parking ticket. That’s why he’s dropping his life’s
dream. His quote is that “cops are guys who got beat up a lot in high
school.” Seriously, I hope at least one police officer in his area is
watching this episode and has a billyclub at the ready. What a spoiled
twat that kid is.

Lynne is the new Housewife who’s into kickboxing and staying
young despite her tanned crust and who discusses hangover cures with
her 18-year-old on national television. Way to Mom, Lynne. Need I say
more?

By J. Harvey
asl

  1. lola

    OMG – That Lynne looks rode hard and hung up wet. She is one unattractive replacement. Ew…
    I am so sick of that stupid Vicki and Walter Middy husband of hers. She needs a good bitch slapping that money hungry, over-bearing spoiled Botox pin cushion. And Jeana needs to get a life – the embarrassing way she was hounding her poor kid. Where are NeNe and Kimmie when you need them?

  2. misslala

    Seriously, Vicki is so rude. Even if Gretchen is a gold digger, she is talking about this man dying of cancer and Vicki is all, “Who cares, weren’t we just talking about ME? Hurry up and get off of the phone and let’s talk about ME again!” I don’t have a problem with Jeana. Her kids seem somewhat spoiled, but they don’t have drug and alcohol problems so she’s doing something right. It’s better than Lynn who is talking to her daughter about hangovers and getting wasted at lunch right in front of her. Her words were slurring by the end of the show. I don’t care how much money these women have, there are bigger issues here.

  3. misslala

    And I totally forgot about the part where Tamra calls her son a spoiled brat. Love it. Maybe he is, but who wants to hear their mom say that about them on national television? Just last week she screamed at her young daughter to shut up. Right…so, we’ll be seeing more issues in the next few years with these kids too.

  4. lola

    I will say this though – kudos to Laurie for leaving the show to take care of important issues with her family and the son. Good for you, Laurie.
    Just shows you all the money in the world d/n buy happiness…hope things work out for her.

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