Real Housewives Of New York City: Quickie

February 18th, 2009 // 8 Comments

The season premiere of The Real Housewives of New York City started out with some stupid, all-absorbing controversy involving the New York Post of all things.

Apparently, Jill — the Long Island picture of class and elegance — opened her mouth to Cindy Adams, a Post columnist, and talked smack about Alex’s husband Simon. She allegedly told Cindy Adams that Simon drinks too much. Of course, she says this was just in retaliation to Simon telling some New York magazine reporter that it’s “obvious” Jill is from Long Island. Yeah. Big deal. We know. Who cares. Unfortunately, this starts the shit storm to end all shit storms amongst the “small, wealthy” world of New York City’s creme de la crem.

Alex wants an apology from Jill (even though her and Simon are probably pleased as punch to be mentioned in Cindy Adams’ column). Alex thinks Jill is emotional, insecure, jealous and needs to spend some time writing self-affirming phrases in lipstick on the bathroom mirror. (?) Regardless, they go to the Hamptons, which is Jill’s stomping grounds, for some Social Life magazine party (media whores? not them!). They run into Jill at the party, and Simon shows his true turncoat nature by embracing Jill in a bear hug and saying, “you know you were always my favorite!” Hmm.

Ramona on the other hand decided to turn the newspaper fiasco into a morality lesson for her 13-year-old daughter Avery. See, she coos, it’s “not nice” to talk badly about other people. Ramona has a douche-y husband who meets up with her for Cosmos and then has the gall to say he thinks Simon is gay (?). The camera catches him hungrily gaping at a group of women passing by. Later on, Ramona talks to the pretty Prom Queen housewife, Kelly, like the dorky, wide-eyed band camp kid, Kelly has good energy, she decides. Alex and Simon? Not so much.

LuAnn is apparently some sort of countess and has a dark, raspy voice. While she’s outwardly sympathetic to Jill’s New York Post drama, she secretly tells the camera she thought it was tacky for Jill to be loose-lipped with a gossip columnist. Meanwhile, she meets up with Kelly to recruit her to attend Jill’s Help The Orphans In Kenya charity event. She clearly feels competitve around Kelly — the former model — and starts babbling about how she used to do “catologue” and “commercial” modeling work. Kelly gives her a quizzical look.

Bethenny didn’t really appear too much in this episode other than to be Jill’s cackling partner in crime who wades around in a pool gossiping about Kelly. She tells Jill to get over this whole New York Post-gate — bang it out — she says. Bethenny apparently is some mixologist/chef hybrid and has her own line of Skinny Girl drinks. At the charity event, however, she’s appalled that her logo features a girl with a big butt and fat thighs. She wants a redesign. ASAP. All the other women nod gravely.

Kelly is clearly the blueblood of the group. She leads a “luxurious life” of designer clothes, horseback riding and perma-tanned skin.  She published a few books on really heady topics like, The Bikini Book. At one point she whistfully remarks on how she meets so many men. Straight guys, gay guys, bisexual men. She knows them all…Bethenny sniffs that Kelly is part of the fabulousity crowd. She seems unassuming and nice enough, but we can’t wait for that inner Hamptons diva to come running out screaming. 

By Melissa Noble

  1. Lola

    I can’t believe I’ve watched this stupid show, but my first thought when I saw Simon was that he’s gayer than Tom Cruise.

  2. wickedorchid

    I predict that we will see many more quizzical looks on Kelly’s face. I think that she may have been listening to the breeze whistling through her ears. Someone on the TWOP boards claims that Kelly is in her 30′s – is that even possible? She’s a mess if so. I am still trying to figure out what that cut on the bridge of her nose was. I thought she was 50ish.

  3. 2 Old 4 This

    Simon calls Jill out for hailing from Long Island?

    He lives in Brooklyn.

  4. Wendy

    Kelly (whatever) looks very old – her skin looks horrible – but she had some handsome men at her house, I hope they were not gay!!!

  5. cari

    Alex needs to ‘clean’ out her closet, because Simon is ‘bangin’ to come out. He is so obviously gay, and she is what is known as the ‘fag hag’ he loves to dress and play pretend with.

    And he has some nerve calling out Jill for being from Long Island. He does live in Brooklyn, and have you seen their home, it’s a mess. They are wannabes wandering around in some sort of delusional haze of self importance. It is really sad & painful to watch.

  6. Shekele

    Cut Simon and Alex some slack; first of all, we are only seeing the edited version of what was said! Second of all; just because a man likes clothes and shopping he is suddenly gay???!! Talk about profiling. He’s from France and grew up very different then we in the US. If they want to climb, I say go for it; I think for all the nasties that have been said about them, they’ve actually been quite grown up..what was it that Jill said “It’s so High School, but you hit me first”….come on

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