Project Runway: Ratbones And Jeepers Creepers

August 28th, 2008 // 14 Comments

Previously – a drag queen chewed Suede’s fauxhawk off.  Straight Joe can make a pink jumpsuit for a man. Yeah, he’s straight. Daniel and his bad taste were sent packing. Someone please fetch RuPaul the cocktail, stat. I’m worried.

New York. We get a glimpse of one of the Olsens on a newstand and that’s never a good sign. “You will now be designing everyday wear for billionaire troll children! Make it work!”

Leanne the Silent Fashion Assassin seems to be cowering near a window and preparing to jump. Wait, she’s cleaning her glasses. My bad. Kenley is sad that Daniel’s gone because he was her best friend here. Oh, is that why you humiliated his ass by laughing at him two episodes ago?

More ProjRun, after the jump!


Previously – a drag queen chewed Suede’s fauxhawk off.  Straight Joe can make a pink jumpsuit for a man. Yeah, he’s straight. Daniel and his bad taste were sent packing. Someone please fetch RuPaul the cocktail, stat. I’m worried.New York. We get a glimpse of one of the Olsens on a newstand and that’s never a good sign. “You will now be designing everyday wear for billionaire troll children! Make it work!”Leanne the Silent Fashion Assassin seems to be cowering near a window and preparing to jump. Wait, she’s cleaning her glasses. My bad. Kenley is sad that Daniel’s gone because he was her best friend here. Oh, is that why you humiliated his ass by laughing at him two episodes ago?Keith is “overwhelmed” because he was in the bottom two last time. He wants to change the way the world dresses. He wants us all in tatters and fringe! Waft your way to work on a fairy trail! Models get flung aside. One is named Jermaine! Like the Jackson!The designers are sent to a rooftop. To jump, because Bravo hates this show. Blayne says something about having to design for “rooftop style” so it’s scary. What the eff does that mean? Really high stillettos? Shut up, Blayne. We get the customary time killers of designers mulling over what it could be. These are so boring and the same thing over and over again. For once, I want one of them to be like ” Korto has a big fat ass and I want to lick it.” Let’s get real. The models are sent to a parking garage. Someone thinks it’s a party. One thing I do like about Straight Joe is that he has little time for small talk. Everyone else in the elevator is like “maybe it’s a party” or “this is like a haunted house.” I pray for a Donner Party ending for this show sometimes.The designers are faced with cars. A dude from Saturn is there. This is kinda hot because the designers have to use materials from the car to make garments. And Tim mentions they really, really porked it on the first challenge. Ok, the materials are actually already IN the cars. So they don’t get to tear cars to shit. Which would have been hot. Straight Joe says that he’s from Detroit so designing dresses from seatbelts is right up his alley? Stella says she’s not moving and it’s embarrassing to run after materials. HAH! That’s me. I would be like, can someone pass me a dashboard or some shit? I want to see a bra made from a car mat! Kenley is throwing shit across the floor. That’s safe. I’m calling OSHA.  I have to say I’m intrigued as to how these tools are going to pull this one off. If Suede says the word “whack-a-doodle” again, I’m going to drive to wherever he is and hit him repeatedly with a mallet. Oh, and then he goes and talks about “Suede” again. And he whines about the cuts he has on his hands from working with these materials. You gamey pig! I’ll give you cuts. I will go Gunnar Hansen up in here! SHUT UP!I might have to start muting him whenever he comes on my screen. Otherwise, my TV might get damaged or I might start clawing my own face. Stella by Starlight says this kind of fashion isn’t her type. I thought she was all about leather and hammering and Road Warrior slut chick stuff? Btw, she’s got a new Tom of Finland hat for her interviews and it reminds me that I need to get my ass down to the Ramrod again soon.Suede is talking about his favorite memory about a car. His dead father figures up into it. He kisses his bangles up again to the heavens. Your dad hated you. I’m sure of it. Kenley notes that everyone’s using seatbelts and she’s way too awesome, too. She’s actually drawing on her dress. Blayne’s getting attitude from the sewing machine because he’s trying to sew thick seatbelts together. Just focus on your melanoma and breathe deeply, you’ll get through it, scarecrowface. Terri says that she needs the prize money to start her own label. Well, you should. The clothes you’ve made so far look way better than your portfolio. Kenley’s model dropped out. She gets Jermaine Jackson. Kenley says that her former model was flat and curvy. Uh? Wait, does she mean no ass and big titties? Kenley says she was ready to lay down and give up when she heard this. Oh, the Bettie Page drama. Kenley’s squawking about her model leaving and Jerell tells her that the model probably got a paying job. Kenley replies that it’s “all about me right now and I can be pissed.” Isn’t it ALWAYS about you, Rosie the Riveter? My god, she’s is like creating her own vineyard right now with a lot of dry and sour tastes.Tim shows up. Blayne is just sticking some seatbelts together. Girl bye! Korto made one of those big puffy jackets that she’s always making. She must get cold a lot. Stella by Starlight needs to commit, says Tim. Or be committed. Either or. Tim’s new catchphrase is “do not lose your trajectory.” I like that. He leaves with a blast of house music. He should always travel everywhere accompanied by club beats. He’s Tim Gunn, and he’s innovation and glamour. He should come with his own catwalk.Terri is quickly becoming my fave-rave. She compares Korto’s “scarecrow” to the killer in “Jeepers Creepers” and advises that we run when it comes to attack us. Terri is originality. Korto seems ok, even when Terri falls down on the ground while laughing at her. However, Jerell feels that Terri is rude and two-faced. Well, I think you look like a direct-to-DVD version of Paris is Burning, howabout them apples, Willi Ninja 2! He advises us not to trust the bitch, and says she only has four patterns. Dude, you created an outfit that looked like Hello Dolly at the Olympics. It’s you we can’t trust. Keith tells everyone not to fuck with the sewing machines. Blayne notices his attitude. Even Silent Fashion Assassin has noticed it. But she will only acknowledge it in a SIlent Fashion Assassin whisper. STELLA’S BOYFRIEND’S NAME IS RATBONES!!!!!!!!!Sorry, that needed its own paragraph. She’s going to start a line with him with “Ratbones” in the title. RATBONES! God bless.It’s game day. Korto says that if she gets called into the bottom three, she will “fight.” I think her and Heidi will be evenly matched. And I want to be front row. Tim reminds these clucks that one of them is going home tonight. Kenley’s still a mess. Keith tells his model that she can’t sit in her outfit. Uh. Ok, no bathroom for you. Is this a POW camp? Whatever, De Sade. Anyway, she sits down. Well, yeah, she has to get her make-up and hair done! Keith is ready to kill her. She better watch out, he seems like he can clothesline a bitch with those guns. Though who would you be more scared of – some cranky designer or a bitchy queen wielding a curling iron? Laura Bennett’s sitting in FOR NINA GARCIA?!?! Is she qualified? Oh my god, and raisin face fashion nazi Rachel Zoe is here to feed on souls and steal designs!Keith is dressed like a trucker, and besides being whiny – he’s looking hot. You can be whiny if you’re making me twitch in my boy place. I have to say I’m impressed by the designers. They made something out of material that looks almost impossible to make wearable garments out of. Look – I’m complimentary!Laura Bennett for Nina? Does Nina know this? The bitch didn’t even win! Has she met her kids yet? Jerell makes the grade. Will Blayne? Laura agrees with me on the top of his dress looking ill-fitted. Korto gets good grades for her seatbelt jacket. Good, I really liked it and thought it was totally edgy and hot. Silent Fashion Assassin blew Rachel Zoe away and that’s dangerous because she weighs 2 lbs. Laura Bennett and Keith have some verbal sparring. Keith whines about his last design and brings up how he felt that he was insulted. Oh, girl, not the way to go. Kors schools him on not being a big hairy girl. Rachel Zoe wants to wear Korto’s coat home. Korto charge that bitch, and keep in mind that she can’t get into Marc Jacobs’ shows anymore so she might be out of scratch. I have to say, Laura Bennett isn’t a bad judge. She’s doing Meana proud with her fiery dress and her disdain for excuses. Kors would like to remind Keith that he’s in charge of his own destiny. This is so Kahlil Gibran. Leanne won the challenge, but I think Korto got sort of robbed. And Korto feels that way, too. She kind of waves Heidi off with two hands and goes to grab a V8. It’s down to Stella and Keith. Heidi insults Keith again with “boring!” BYE KEITH! Thank god, Team Ratbones is still around. Keith sobs to us that tears are what fashion means to him. Wow, he’s really going for the drama. Can’t he just not have shirts and be quiet. He talks about how this was his opportunity to leave Utah. Dude, just get on a Greyhound. Next – Dianne Von Furstenberg. Kenley cries. Big people. Nightmare crotches.

By J. Harvey
  1. Diane

    Ratbones! That did it for me…I love Stelluh.

    OMG, awesome recap…as usual.

    That is all.

  2. Chris

    Ratbones, Betty Page & Kahlil Gibran….is there a better blog? I think not.

  3. Amy

    Awesome write-up. Jarel seems like a good person. Stella must stay for the comic factor. can we get rid of the dead wieght that is Joe?

    And is Korto always p-ssed off?

  4. Ratbones

    I’m glad they showed Keith being mean a lot so that we wouldn’t mind so much that his way too hot azz got booted. Now it’s up to Joe to be the hot guy there. Or the only guy there. Let’s face it, out of all the mega queens, Jerrell’s the most talented and I like to hate Suede. Referencing yourself in third person is more fun to get angry at than “I haven’t tanned in awhile.” Blayne is so dull, I don’t have the energy to hate him.

  5. Sashay, Shantay

    I think you mean Benny Ninja II, no?

  6. Ashley

    “He talks about how this was his opportunity to leave Utah. Dude, just get on a Greyhound.” My sentiments exactly. I was like dude, if you want to leave just don’t go back. Anyways, glad hes gone.

    I felt like Stella was just giving up the whole episode. From not wanting to get materials (tho I can’t really blame her too much for that one) to her total lack of enthusiasm the rest of the episode. I wasn’t surprised she was in the bottom 2, but I’m glad shes still here.

    Awesome recap as always J.Harvey!

  7. leilah

    Ditto all, J., another awesome recap! But, please, be a little more “abstract” with some of the names, cuz I just know we’ll see 2 or 3 “Meana’s” in the MLK, Jr., Elementary School Kintergarten Class of 2013!

  8. JungleRed

    Damn that Rachel Zoe. Design thief! She probably begged to get back on this season!!! I can’t tell if the celebrities are better or worse this season. The Daily News had the whole cast in their Top 50 in Fashion this week, like write up there with Anna and Donna and the Supermodels.

  9. JungleRed

    Damn that Rachel Zoe. Design thief! She probably begged to get back on this season!!! I can’t tell if the celebrities are better or worse this season. The Daily News had the whole cast in their Top 50 in Fashion this week, like write up there with Anna and Donna and the Supermodels.

  10. JungleRed

    Damn that Rachel Zoe. Design thief! She probably begged to get back on this season!!! I can’t tell if the celebrities are better or worse this season. The Daily News had the whole cast in their Top 50 in Fashion this week, like write up there with Anna and Donna and the Supermodels.

  11. jules

    I knew Ratbones from waaaaaaaay back in the day (i also know his real name, but that is NOT FUN AT ALL, so Ratbones it is). I think it’s awesome that him and Stella found each other, and trust me – they’re PERFECT together. PERFECT!!!

  12. jules

    I knew Ratbones from waaaaaaaay back in the day (i also know his real name, but that is NOT FUN AT ALL, so Ratbones it is). I think it’s awesome that him and Stella found each other, and trust me – they’re PERFECT together. PERFECT!!!

  13. jules

    I knew Ratbones from waaaaaaaay back in the day (i also know his real name, but that is NOT FUN AT ALL, so Ratbones it is). I think it’s awesome that him and Stella found each other, and trust me – they’re PERFECT together. PERFECT!!!

  14. Gillian

    Who is Rachel Zoe?

    Why didn’t Blayne just take in darts in the top…break a mirror, seven years, no sex…Hiedi’s pearls of superstition…

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