Previously – It was the prom from hell. “Straight” Kevin went home for not hemming his frock.
By J. Harvey
Good morning, Gotham. Designers get clothed and hairsprayed and makeuped. Not in the Tresemme salon. Rami asks Christian how he felt about the prom challenge. Christian is manipulating his chicken-do and mouthing off about Maddie, his teenage client from hell. Also known as his match. Instant karma! Christian tells us that he feels he should not have been in the bottom two. He feels that other dresses were “not cute”. Yeah, but you did make a stout girl look like she had junk in the trunk. And the trunk was on a Winnebago. Tricky Ricky notes that he’s been in the bottom two multiple times. But his lucky hats always save him. Tricky Ricky has DOWNSIZED his chapeau! He’s now sporting a scalley cap with an intricate argyle pattern. Someone must have sat him down.
By the way, Christian’s wearing cow-patterned cowboy boots today. Bessie died so that a twink could look edgy. And dumb. It’s time to choose models down at Parsons. The models all have jacked-up hair and it’s not their usual I was out partying til’ 5 AM trying to meet a Saudi prince to whisk my ass away, have you got an elastic I gotta tame this shit before we start shooting and Heidi notices. It’s for a reason. The designers are going to have to create “avant-garde” looks based on the model’s hairstyles. Oh, did the writer’s strike finally catch up with ProjRun?
More ProjRun, after the jump!
Fashion Bear Chris is PUMPED. Creating freaky deaky outfits is his mission in life. Some of the hairdos are just….lackluster. Like, one crimp and pulled back lackluster. Seriously, I know this show was taped far in advance of the writer’s strike but this episode reeks of scab. Christian ends up having to pick his old model and is his face red? He tries to play it off like he’s happy and “she’s so high fashion”. Then why did you sell her ass out previously then?
Tricky Ricky picks the final model, and of course his friggin’ eyes tear up. Is he pregnant? One of the models who didn’t get picked was cursed with dreads, and you know she’s like I went through all that for nothing? Damn you, Bravo! Now I gotta un-oil these things and un-wrap them and I’m gonna miss yoga. Tim explains that the look doesn’t have to be practical or wearable. Jesus, there’s going to be dresses with jet engines and furniture attached. But downer, they have to work in teams of two. Christian sighs “of course”. Easy there, Princess Last Air Bender.
Kit Derringer and Tricky Ricky will be crying together. Sweet P says “that’s fantastic” when paired up with Rami Noodles. Because she knows she can coast on his coat-tails. Let’s face it, Sweet P’s nice but last week’s challenge aside, she ain’t up to par. Christian is excited to be paired with….jesus, this recap is turning into the Christian show isn’t it? I should probably put some kind of damper on that. But he did kind of take center-stage by being one of the few designers with a pulse this season. Anyway, he’s excited to be paired with Fashion Bear because Fashion Bear makes wiggidy-wack big tittied costumes 24-7. And that’s sorta what this challenge is about.
They have to pick which model to use and who’s leader. People have gotten a clue and realize that a team leader is usually the one who gets bumped in this roller derby and Christian is reluctant to take the job. Does the model who doesn’t picked go home? Tricky Ricky informs the model who they’re not working with that she’s unwelcome and says “sorry girl, have a seat.” Someone should have said that to his ass a long, long time ago!
Sweet P is taking photos of their model, and lets Rami be leader. Smart lady biker. Rami is sorta drawing his usual elegance but I don’t know if this is gonna fly. I’d get crazy and attach like snow globes to the model’s ass. Take it to the wall and back! Jillian and VictorYA are attached to each other, and it’s like the goddamn “Defiant Ones”. They better find a rock to break their chain on soon because I can sense the fur is going to fly. VictorYA might have met her passive-aggressive match. Ya wins the….is that a coaster……toss and Jillian’s unsettled. Off to Mood. Where Katie Holmes recently shopped. Yogi and BooBoo (Fashion Bear Chris and Christian) buy the whole store out of something called organza. It’s going to be an organza fest on the model.
Kit Death Ray is already worrying about her and Tricky Ricky’s bird’s nest dress. It’s not often in life you get to type that sentence. Tricky sums their design up as “the girl in me, and the bitch in you”. Which should be the basis of his fragrance line. Christian says that if he was a diva, “his name would be Ferosh.” As in “ferocious”. You know that’s his fondest wish since the crib. And excuse me while I make plans to call everyone I know “Ferosh” tomorrow. I’m texting as we speak. Sweet P has the best line when Fashion Bear says he’s building a cell tower on his intricate design and she cracks “how long til’ it reaches Elisa’s planet?” She should write this recap. Damn, you don’t get any slack cut you in this piece, even when a Porsche runs over your melon and puts you in a coma.
Jillian and VictorYA are making this trenchcoat creation which is sorta making me excited. I like trenchcoats. I also like Apple Bottom jeans and the boots with the fur. And getting low, low, low, low, low. We get the ProjRun tension music, as Rami Noodles is treating Sweet P as his hired help. Well, damn, that’s what she wanted. Rami Noodles is counting on Sweet P to make a pair of trousers. It’s not sunny in this foreshadowing. He explains that he feels slowed down because girl isn’t quick on the trousers front. Sweet P’s unhappy with his stress level. Rami’s all “I’m going to be blamed for any dysfunction on the team”. Well, don’t cause any. Keep your shit together, and turn on her ass in a subtle manner on the runway.
Morning. Sweet P is worried about her cigarette count. Worry about your design, Suzie Smokestack. God, the evils of nicotine, interfering with focus! Sweet P mentions Rami’s snit behavior of yesterday. Sweet P wants a bustle on their dress, and Rami’s not feeling it. Rami’s actually looks like he’s picturing Sweet P under a bus at this point. He’s one of those creative people that doesn’t play well with others. I feel that, but this is a reality show. It’s built to spill. Tim Gunn strolls in with a weird announcement. “There will be another look walking down the runway tomorrow.” Come again? What? So he springs on them that they have to create a ready to wear look that embodies the essence of their avante-garde look. To quote Joss Whedon, “yeahbuwhat?” The reactions are priceless. Most of the designers look like Tim just told them he drove their Mini-Coopers into the raw sewage plant and it exploded. Christian actually brandishes scissors at Tim! Ferosh is danger live voltage! Only one team member has to go to Mood to buy the additional fabric. I’m not a designer, or a contestant on this bitch but I will say that this new revelation is a real kick in the box. Designers run to their sketchpads. Fashion Bear Chris is laughing through the whole thing. Dude, I hope he wins. He won’t but I really want to see a line of clothes that look like big broads wearing couches. VictorYA tells us that her reaction is one of “horror, nausea”. Isn’t that her typical demeanor? And if you thought Rami Noodles had a stick up his ass before, this just sent him into tight-assed overdrive. Sweet P is trying to convince him to use navy as the color of their ready to wear dress. They squabble, and it’s falling apart. He wants a sketch and she can’t provide it. Remember when Jubilee Jumbles Angela couldn’t sketch? That was weird.
Christian tells us that he chose to go to Mood because “he’s fast”. You know he’s DYING INSIDE to say “and not fat”. But he edits himself. Jillian is wearing white short shorts with tights. Ugh. Rami Noodles is really flipping a bitch on Sweet Pea. He puts the micro in manage. Models show up to be fitted. To appease the straight dudes whose wives and girlfriends torture them to watch this mess, we get a shot of a model in a thong. Sweet P is bragging that their dress is done, and Jillian is like “great, love you’re done, shut up, old bag!” She doesn’t say that last part. But she is one harried chick on a sewing machine. Fashion Bear Chris says he wants people’s jaws to drop when their model comes out and they never forget it as long as they live. And the way he says it endears him to me forever. Can he be my Mom or my stand-in boyfriend? He’s all things nice.
“Ferosh” does a runway walk and I kinda love him and I’ll be imitating him in the gay barroom first chance I get. He might be a cultural touchstone. Rami would be the WORST BOSS EVER. Sweet P’s still on the cutting table and that’s not gonna fly with Mr. Noodles. “I think I’m entitled,” he says when he inquires after her progress. Orly? Even their model is like “youze a dick, Rami” in her head. Stolen from “Juno”, bows! Rami is wigging and half and tight-jeaning his way around the workroom and everyone’s like “whoa”. Sweet P starts the Tricky Ricky tears (at least she has a reason, guy treated her like the maid in front of everyone) and her model has to hug her. Oh, the delicious drama! When Sweet P calms down, her model’s like “damn, these people are CRAZY and looking around to check for the fire exit.
Oh Christ, Tresemme Hair Queen Nathaniel is with Tim. He’s here to consult on the hairstyles. WHO HAS TIME FOR THIS TRESEMME COMMERCIAL? Tricky Ricky’s like “being in a Tresemme ad for Elle magazine is exciting, and makes us wanna work harder’. Corporate buddy suckup. Go cry. We have to deal with a five minute Tresemme commercial in which Nathaniel demonstrates how versatile the products are. Tim is “dubious” about the ready to wear portion of Yogi and BooBoo’s design. Christian disagrees with him once again and Tim strides away, having enough. Tim asks Kit Nuclear Submarine and Tricky Ricky to “punch up” their design. Tricky Ricky offers to throw what looks like Strawberry Shortcake’s dress fabric on it and Tim’s like no, Jocelyn Enriquez.
Oh oh, we’re down to Rami and Sweet P. Tim thinks Rami didn’t take it far enough, and so do I. Rami responds by screwing Sweet P over to Tim. Laying the groundwork for betrayal on the runway. Sweet P, rightly, says what the hell does how we work together have anything to do with the fact that you made a Rami Noodles dress? I’d definitely give her an “I know, right” at that point. Tim just splits, he’s not a counselor. Tim lurves Ya and Jillian’s coat and they reveal that they haven’t even started on their second look yet. Ouch.
Sweet P and Noodles aren’t speaking and Sweet P is looking forward to being in the bottom two the next day. I am, too. And whereas I think Rami has a shot at winning, he might want to get axed for his bad attitude and panicky behavior. Jillian freaks out over her sewing machine like she got a sandblast up her hoo-hah. The next day. Sweet P hopes she doesn’t end up in a fistfight with Rami. I hope you do, that would be the hottest episode ever. Ready to wear models are here. Christian’s direction to the makeup lady on how to make his model’s eyebrows look like dashes is priceless. There are no words, only sharp motions. Jillian’s ready to wear model notes that there is a puckering of fabric near her chest and Jillian’s all “that’s the least of my problems right now”. In other words – don’t help, lettuce girl.
It’s Runway Time! Fashion Bear is go! Sweet P is happy because designer Alberta Ferreti is here to judge. She’s the only one. Go time! I LLLLOOVVVVVVEEE Yogi and BooBoo’s. Christian nods his approval at his model’s walk. Tricky Ricky’s look SUCKS compared to what Kit did. VictorYA and Jillian kicked ass, but they kicked ass even more because their model SOLD IT. Flying a faux-hawk down the runway! Jillian has the Ricky problem, in which the second look sucks compared to the first. Kit, Ricky, Rami, Sweet P are screwed and told to leave the stage to be verbally flogged later. First up, the hot-ass high scorers. Christian and Fashion Bear’s model looks SO uncomfortable. Probably because she’s wearing a friggin’ organza cell phone tower. As VictorYA and Jillian are complimented, Christian is throwing the twitchy side eye at them. He just can’t help himself. That chicken hair is full of jealousy!
And now it’s time to punish! Low scorers humble themselves. Sweet P is told her dress is better than Rami’s couture. Sweet P mentions she wanted a bustle but Rami was like “eh”. Flip that script, P! Oooh, Alberta Ferreti tells Kit her dress is “cheap”. And I love how she pronounces “Scarlett O’Hara” in her Italian accent. Tricky Ricky starts crying and chewing on his thumb. Judges judge, and they note that Rami threw Sweet P’s ass under the bus. His panic really screwed him over. And it’s time! Ooh, Nick in a Saturn! Sorry. Anyway, Christian and Fashion Bear took it. Yay! And now we’re down to it. Which of these four are going home? RICKY’S IN? How? Uh, how? What? Flowing on tears? KIT’S GOING HOME? Heidi tells Kit that “you took us backwards but not in a good way”. Uh, did she just refer to anal sex? Kit has no regrets she says. She needs to make like her name, and use a pistol on Ricky! That teary bitch should have gone home weeks ago! By the way, the Tresemme photo for the ad with Christian and Fashion Bear is amazing. I want it framed.
Next – They’re on the docks. Fashion Bear gets stank? Jillian falls apart on her sewing machine. Tricky Ricky….well, do I have to say it?