Project Runway: Even Hedda Lettuce Doesn’t Like Suede
Previously – Kelli and her slut aesthetic got bounced. Kenley laughed at Daniel’s taste levels on the runway. Bravo LOVES playing Michael Kors saying “slutty, slutty, slutty” over and over again. Oh, and Brooke Shield is REALLY pretty!
Blayne inhales a bowl of cereal (all his money goes to tanning) while Terri studiously spoons coffee into the machine. I’m still reeling over her awesome comment about Suede’s vajayjay last week. Perfection.
Someone has posted a Post-It exclaiming “Too Much Drama!” It’s probably Bravo, they want this show to fail. Stella looks like an albino Monchichi portraying Elizabeth Taylor in Cat On A Hot Tin Roof.
More ProjRun after the jump!
Previously – Kelli and her slut aesthetic got bounced. Kenley laughed at Daniel’s taste levels on the runway. Bravo LOVES playing Michael Kors saying “slutty, slutty, slutty” over and over again. Oh, and Brooke Shield is REALLY pretty!Blayne inhales a bowl of cereal (all his money goes to tanning) while Terri studiously spoons coffee into the machine. I’m still reeling over her awesome comment about Suede’s vajayjay last week. Perfection.Someone has posted a Post-It exclaiming “Too Much Drama!” It’s probably Bravo, they want this show to fail. Stella looks like an albino Monchichi portraying Elizabeth Taylor in Cat On A Hot Tin Roof. Korto feels that Kelli had it coming, and that Tasteful Daniel is next. Straight Joe is bitching about Keith’s swatches and strips. And he also wants to know what time the game’s on and dude, did you see the funbags on that bimbo? Heidi still looks like she had one of the losers designer her own clothes. FASHION BEAR! He’s here dressed like a disco viking. He didn’t shave his beard, though. He looks like the helmet is killing him. We find out that Terri was born for this challenge. She LOVES drag queens! As long as they don’t suck on her tits. Drag queens file out. Even Heidi looks humbled. Varla Jean Merman! I love her. Him. Her. Sweetie is NYC’s big-tittied, hony, soul mama.Hedda Lettuce takes a shot at Heidi. Good. Acid Betty is making me feel weird. It’s like the barrier wasn’t meant to be broken. I like how drag queens have like an endless supply of quips. It’s like they’re always on that pageant stage. Suede picked Hedda Lettuce. I hope Hedda reduces him to tears. By the way, I think Luisa Verde just started out. Because she hasn’t lost her man voice yet. The designers have to design to the queen’s personas. Hedda Lettuce is my favorite. I love the Auntie Mame bullshit. I could not feel worse for Luisa Verde. She’s like the ugly duckling of drag queens. But she has Stella by Starlight who hopefully can lift her to heights of…gromets and a leather bustier. It’s going to be a disaster.Drag is “so far out of” Straight Joe’s realm. You know he owns a lace catsuit that he prowls around in when the wife isn’t around. One of them tells Tim to call him. I f*cking LOVE that. Designers hit Mood. Stella by Starlight is going to make Luisa look like a slick lady. Greasy woman?Keith didn’t get immunity from his last challenge. And he’s whining about it. Varla left Straight Joe her tits. That was kind. Blayne is still trying to make that “licious” thing work. It’s hard to even type about it. There’s only so many way to wish him dead for constantly trying to shove a catchphrase into the cultural lexicon. Stella thinks Blayne knows nothing. I’m with her. Someone tells Blayne he’s an annoying putz. Leanne the Silent Fashion Assassin says that she’s going to puke if Blayne keeps talking and it will be “barflicious.” Jerell talks about how he had to survive as a child because he was middle class. So was I! And I own a couch! Suede’s dead grandfather appears to him and tells him about making a gardening dress. Suede is now kissing up to his grandfather in heaven with those damn bangles. Ugh, he floors me with his awfulness.Keith is making fringe. Again. It’s his signature, like Rami’s draping and Christian’s irritation-ability. He says he’s using some French technique. He’s going to surrender and let himself be occupied! Hot body, though. Kenley runs to Suede to criticize Keith. Keith should put her in a chokehold. He’s already got the misogynist thing going on! Use it!It’s so hot to see the queens out of drag. Some of them are cute. Blayne seems surprised that Miss Understood is actually a man. Does he know what a drag queen is? Does he know any women who actually take it to that level naturally? Dummy. Btw? Varla Jean Merman is a hot Marine-looking bastard when she’s out of her dress. Dude, give up drag. Some of these people should NOT be out of drag. Hedda? Luisa Verde wants Stella to actually HURT him when she closes his dress. Masochist drag queen! LeMay hates what survival of the middle classest Jerell made him. I do, too. It doesn’t match what LeMay is all about. He’s more like naturalistic drag guy! Girl. My wish was fulfilled when Hedda Lettuce calls Suede lazy for not making her sleeves and alleges that he’s trying to make her look like Godzilla. HAH! Hedda tells him what she’s saying is out of love – unconditional and pure. But then adds “just get it right.” Does she want to come over for a beer so we can clown on Suede together?Seriously, Varla Jean is JACKED. Jerell tells Suede to “read” Hedda right back on the runway. He won’t let her “dictate” his future here on ProjRun! I note with glee that he’s ceased using the third person because he’s so freaked out. We should have a drag queen come and terrorize him and his dead grandfather every episode.Fashion Bear! He’s suppporting Tim Gunn! Korto made a hot dress. Literally. It has flames! Tim gives his now infamous “gay pterodactyl” comment to Blayne. Who likes that. Ugh. He says his outfit is going to be “draglicious.” I hate you. I hope the tanning bed catches fire.Tim Gunn says that Hedda was mean to Suede. Oh poor Suede! I feel like Tony Soprano’s mother. Tim advises Suede to stand up for himself. Hedda should SMACK him! With a hammer! Fashion Bear isn’t impressed with Keith’s tatters. Daniel isn’t worried at all about Tim’s critique. When a designer says that, he’s usually out. Bye, Danny.Blayne and Jerell insinuate that Keith’s dress is for wookies. Really? They do a good imitation, too. Who knew? The queens come in 1/2 made up and it’s fascinating! Suede whines to Hedda about how she was mean to him. Hedda doesn’t drop the Rosalind Russell act at all! It’s like she’s mocking him! Can she just be the new judge next season?Queens get made up. Tim tells the models that they’re flotsam and jetsam. I hope they dont’ turn on him. RuPaul’s the guest judge. SHE LOOKS ROUGH! What’s wrong, Ru? Miss Understood’s wing is falling off of her gay dinosaur. Seriously, did they roll RuPaul in via wheelchair? I’m nervous. It looks like the last scene in Gia. Varla Jean Merman has a HOT ASS, too! Dude. I am getting turned on by a DRAG QUEEN. Terri gave Acid Betty this Akira-looking samurai kimono from space. It works for me. Jerell thinks his popped collar was a “treat” for people. Well, it’s not like a Mars bar or a DQ Blizzard. I just got Sharon Needles’ drag name. I’m dumb.We don’t get the opportunity to see Hedda sell Suede’s ass out on the runway because he makes the grade DAMN! Dude, RuPaul is the crypt keeper! Rupaul criticizes Keith’s excuses by imitating Meryl Steep in A Cry in the Dark. We need drag queens to stick around this show more, for the cultural references alone. Nina Garcia tells Keith that his dress is a puzzle. My god, is Varla’s ass real? Varla flirts with Nina! Jerell is told that his popped collar is NOT a treat. More like a Bar Mitzvah. Daniel’s Eastery flame dress doesn’t do it for anyone. Daniel says that “sparkly” makes him want to throw up. This dude is SO misguided. Daniel has no idea what drag is. RuPaul has to yell at him through her very sunken cheeks. Oh, I feel bad. She’s really sick, isn’t she? Judges judge. Jerelle’s dress didn’t do LeMay any favors according to RuPaul. Heidi refers to Daniel as “lovely” so you know he’s gone. They note that he’s defensive. I’m waiting for someone to say that he has bad taste. Terri’s told she’s good. She leaves with a look like “sheeit! my dress won this muthaf*cka!” Straight Joe won for making Varla Jean’s ass look kapow! Terri is PISSED that he won. She’s like “Ima bout to slap this faggot!” It’s down to Keith and Daniel. Keith’s wearing those dog bowls on his ankles again! Daniel’s gone. Good. I’m sick of the whining. But at least you can go be with your man now! Keith is CRYING over Daniel? Why? Jesus, these people need to understand that it’s a competition! Daniel is still talking about his taste level! Your level is 0! You have none!Next – Laura Bennett (aka Wonder Woman) is here! Keith’s got a ‘tude. The designer work with what looks like difficult materials. Like this show.