Prince William, Royal Breast Inspector

Eighteen-year-old Ana Ferreira nearly lost her mind when she realized that the hand encircling her boob belonged to none other than Prince William. On his first free night since commencing a tank commander course, William decided it was time to party with his buddies. And by party, I mean get drunk and enjoy the company of teenaged girls who happily offered him the of use their bosoms. According to Ferreira, who is smiling like she just cured cancer in The Sun article from which I gleaned this choice quote:

“I was a little bit drunk myself but felt something brush my breast.

“I thought it couldn’t be the future king — but now I’ve seen the picture it’s no wonder he has a smile on his face! He has big manly hands and certainly knows what to do with them.”

And in addition to being skilled in the fine art of public groping, William is also a very friendly host, and was photographed in the company of a nineteen-year-old blonde named Lisa Agar, whom he invited back to his barracks. She left at 4:15AM, presumably after their marathon-game of Monopoly ended, I’m totally sure.