Prettyboy Fight

I say we get a vat of mud, put em’ both in thongs and let em go at it! Yeah, I took it there, it’s Friday. Ryan Phillipe took some time off from being a glistening sex cherub to bitch about Jake Gyllenhaal mackin’ on his lady. Uh dumbass, maybe you shouldn’t have been firing semen bullets at another chick’s vaginal gun range if that was going to be a problem for you. Pretty people can be imbeciles.

“Ryan is pissed about Jake,” a Phillippe insider tells Us Weekly, adding that Phillippe, 32, told Witherspoon, 31, “he didn’t want ‘that guy’ around their kids [son Deacon, 3, and daughter Ava, 7] and then made some crude Brokeback Mountain remark.”

However, a Gyllenspoon source tells Us that “Reese doesn’t have Jake spend the night when the kids are around.” And though the actor may be angry that Witherspoon is moving on, his feelings for Aussie actress Abbie Cornish, 25, are less conflicted.

Sources say that Philllpe is hanging out with Cornish Game Hen, including a walk through the park on August 5. Don’t even tell me he was making fag jokes about Jakey G. I mean, yeah, Jakey G. is obviously no stranger to penis. But if I may get personal here. Way back when I was coming out, Phillipe played the gay teenager on “One Life to Life” and he was struggling with being into man ass. As was I! And I thought, well if the fictional residents of the town of Llanview can still love Billy, then my family and friends can still love me! Which they do, until I speak or drink. But still – how dare he wreck my beautiful coming out story by showing himself as an insecure homophobe as well as a lying ass cheat! Reese and I are gonna need to roll up on him with our fists! Who would ever have thought I would be in shovelmouth Reese’s corner? It’s so Friday.

More Photos of the Family After the Jump