Personification Of Evil Finally Succumbing To His Demons

July 18th, 2007 // 7 Comments

O.J. Simpson’s a mess. You would be too if you got away with hacking up two people and then had to live with it for the rest of your life. Prison might have been easier than people giving you vague excuses why they don’t want to be your golf buddy and making you sad and wondering “did he turn me down because he really doesn’t like that golf course, or because I decapitated my ex-wife?” O.J.’s falling down in bars and getting rejected.

O.J. Simpson has been hitting the bottle since he was tricked into semi-confessing to double-murder last year with his “If I Did It” book project. Simpson was at The Ivy in Aventura, Fla., the other night “falling all over himself and couldn’t stand up, even though he tried several times,” said our disgusted spy. “He started screaming for everyone in the restaurant to go with him to Mansion [in Miami]. I don’t think anyone took him up on it.” If the book ever gets published, the families of his slain ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her pal Ron Goldman will share the profits.

No one took him up on it because they don’t want to get stabbed for not wanting to do any more shots with him! Damn! Is Aventura near Miami? Road trip with a killing machine! I’d sit in the back seat, with my hand on the door handle ready to roll out at a moment’s notice!

(Splash)

By J. Harvey
asl

  1. jes

    Aventura is a city, but more like a suburb of Miami proper with a lot more plastic surgery JAPs. It’s like a 15 minute drive to Mansion. Not that this is important at all. Except that both Aventura and Mansion are unnecessary features of Miami and should be avoided at all costs.

  2. green cardigan

    Especially if the likes of OJ Simpson is cruising around,looking for drinking buddies. I think I’d be in the backseat with the door open.

  3. steph

    Avenutra is North Miami

  4. nastybugger

    why can’t this waste of oxygen just DIE, preferably a slow, horrible death?

  5. Wow. A story about a man that murdered his wife and an innocent stranger and the only thing steph and jes got out of it was directions.
    PATHETIC.

    nastybugger, agreed!

  6. jesse d

    WOOHOO and the personal attacks continue….

    Seriously, is there any more that can be said about this man and what he has done? We all know what he did. We all know that he got away with it. We all know he’s gonna BURN.

  7. rdiggity1

    I’ve seen him in person and he literally has a GIANT head. A great rock-em sock-em celebrity robot edition would be him and pumkin head rosie o’donnell.

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